He called, wants to say goodbye...advice please

[poetsheart]

After 3 years and a painful breakup, and nc for 2 1/2 months, yesterday my ex phoned. In my previous post, I explained that I couldn't speak to him just yet cause it hurts too much, then yesterday he phoned using a different number. I picked it up and felt immediately sick in my stomach... I didn't know what to do, so I just left the phone, then hung up. He called back, to which I didn't answer. I did hear him say he wants to speak to me. Please remember this guy has treated me with so much disrespect. I have given him many chances to keep his word, treat me better all to which he has not. Anyway, I was out looking at a new apartment and I get a text message saying " Thankyou for finally allowing me to let go of US! Tomorrow I will reach out one last time to say goodbye.I am growing each day and I wish the same for you? Take care". That was it.... after my appt, my phone rang and I couldn't control myself, I just said "Haven't you hurt me enough, I can't speak to you" and hung up. Then as per usual, my body went weak and I started to hyper ventilate, I couldn't control my tears. Luckily I had a friend there to calm me down and help me breathe properly. This is the effect he has on me, that's why I can't bring myself to speak to him yet. He just wants to release himself from his nasty actions for 3 years and I can't do it yet... If he calls me today like he says on the text, do you think I should speak to him, or just ignore like I have been doing? Why text me and thank me for him allowing me to let go of "us". It all just hurts. It really wasn't necessary. I think he's trying to shift the blame so he can feel better, and I just don't feel like I can speak to him yet.

 

Just to let you know, a couple of hours before his last message during my work time, he text me another message saying that he loved me and just wanted to speak to me, but he has done this before and within a short time, he just goes back to disrespecting me and treating me so poorly. Each time I would believe him only to be hurt once more. The last time I said to him, you must keep your word and he gave me his word to treat me nicely, only to go back to his ways again..

 

What would you do in this instance, the call is coming today.... thanks so much.

[Daddy Bear]

i'm sorry for what you're going through. you are obviously not ready to be able to give him the kind of closure that he seeks. of course, you could request that he say his piece instead in writing, and you could read it when you're feeling up to it. would that make it a little easier for you?

[poetsheart]

Hi Slight,

 

No, not even a letter. He tries to justify his behaviour through words, it's the actions that count. If he did love me, then for 3 years he would have treated me the way anyone in love should be treated. He's very good with words, knows my weaknesses, and wants to play some more with me... and it's working.

[JohnnyTable]

Stop letting him treat you this way. Don't take his call. It sounds like contact is not good for you, so I would stick with NC.

 

It's his problem that he needs closure, not you. Honestly I don't see how you can give it to him anyway.

[poetsheart]

You know, you're right. It is his problem that he needs closure, guess I just needed to hear it. I did all my talking and expressing while we were together. Thanks Johnny.

[Hope75]

I agree. This is not about him- it's about you. He just wants to absolve himself from feeling guilty for treating you terribly by hearing you say that you are OK with that and over it. It's pretty clear that you are not. I would not answer that call. You are doing NC for a reason, so that you can get over him and what he did to you and begin to heal.

 

Don't let him manipulate you further by pulling this cr*p on you.

[poetsheart]

Yep Hope, that's exactly right. It makes me feel so much better to hear peoples points of view, and I think I should just stick to what I have been doing, and that's nc... he just wants to feel better and hear me say, it's ok, best of luck. Well it's not ok, and I cant lie.

[Hope75]

Yep Hope, that's exactly right. It makes me feel so much better to hear peoples points of view, and I think I should just stick to what I have been doing, and that's nc... he just wants to feel better and hear me say, it's ok, best of luck. Well it's not ok, and I cant lie.

 

Exactly. It's not OK to treat someone like that and he shouldn't feel that there aren't consequences for his actions (the loss of you from his life because he treated you terribly). This is about YOU now and what's best for you, and that is to keep doing what you've been doing and keep him away from you.