The new guy/gal shouldn't get to have what you helped create!!!

[Riggz41510]

I find for myself the hardest part of letting go of my ex are all the memories that we share. I think back to every thing that has happened to me good or bad within the past 8 years she has been some where in the picture.

 

We basically grew together we got together when we were both young(I was 19 she was 20)

 

I find myself wondering if the new guy will get all the things that I loved about her and since I was a learning experience will she fix her bad?? If she does than he will be getting all I've ever wanted from her.. I put in all the work, why should someone else reap the benefits??

 

When I met her she didn't have a car, no place to live and was very lonely.. I helped her grow. Now she has a great job, own car and a nice place.. Why should some new guy come in and get to experience all of her good, when I was the one who was there when the chips were down??

 

She was once my angel and she put me through so much but I was always there for her.. Even when she left me and treated me like crap. I still took her back with open arms. I've given so much in order to make us work..

 

Its so scary to have to start all over again.. I don't want to be an old bitter man.. I want to love again but I know I will never give of myself to another woman this way... It hurts way too much!!!

[jue]

i no exactly how u feel only my partner of 11yrs left me for someone else..i have known him since i was 10 we have always been in each others lives and now.im alone...i feel i am on the shelf at 37 and i dont think i will ever love anyone the way i love,loved him...it hurts.the person he is with was his first love 24yrs ago...he couldnt have crapped on me anymore if he tried..i also dont want to be bitter..but this hurts like hell

[Riggz41510]

Jue,

 

Tell me about it!!!

 

Did he just leave out of the blue or did you see it coming??

 

How long has it been?

[jue]

hi its been 3 and half months..no i didnt see it coming..i had an idea something was wrong but he just made out it was me..paranoid...did i think he was going to leave me that day..no i didnt..if you had asked me i would have said we would have been together forever..thats how sure i was ..boy was i wrong...

[Riggz41510]

hi its been 3 and half months..no i didnt see it coming..i had an idea something was wrong but he just made out it was me..paranoid...did i think he was going to leave me that day..no i didnt..if you had asked me i would have said we would have been together forever..thats how sure i was ..boy was i wrong...

 

 

But I will post it here for you also!!

 

Did you see that post about "Limerance"??

 

You remember how it felt when you guys first met.. All the butterflies, all the laughs, jokes, smiles etc.. People sometimes yearn for that feeling and will throw away a good relationship for that feeling.. Now the problem with that, is it doesn't last..

 

 

When you are creeping around on someone(which I suspect he was doing) the new person always seems like the better catch just because you don't have any reason to argue with that person, and you're not dealing with the regular day to day stresses of a relationship.. So a person will get caught up in the whole situation thinking its going to be so much different.. Sooner than later reality kicks in and what they thought was this great person is normally a dud!!

[evyrew]

I put in all the work, why should someone else reap the benefits??

I know exactly how you feel. My ex and I were together for five years... broke up about two months ago. I was 16 or 17 when we met... I'm now 22. I put my heart and soul into our relationship. We up grew together, and I helped bring about many positive things in her life... but now, she is in someone elses arms... While i am left alone by myself.

 

It kills me, but I must move on... I must grow and become the man i am meant to be.... (regretfully) without her.

[shes2smart]

On the other side of it, there are some relationships that will leave you in a worse place than you were before. Chances are the next person you become involved with will be involved in helping clean up the mess left by the last person.

 

Is it fair? Nope...but life isn't fair.

 

While you can't see becoming involved with someone right now, it's likely that will change over time. When you do become involved with someone, who's to say that you won't be the recipient of whatever improvements that person has made due to previous relationships? Would you see it as being unfair if you were on that side of the equation?

 

After having had a few decades to ponder all of this, I can you tell that, over time, it evens out more or less.

[HeartAche]

Thecheddaboy, you and me are so on the same page it's scary.

 

You may have read my tale of wo, but here's the cliffnotes version.

 

Met her in June 2001, she was 22, I was 27. Hit it off immediately, a few months into the relationship (just before my 28th birthday) she asked me to marry her and I said yes. Years passed and, although we had a few ups and downs, I thought things were okay. We wanted to get married but both knew that we couldn't afford it just yet.

 

Had a "big row", not exactly a row but didn't speak for almost a week, in October last year. She started packing her stuff but had no intention of going. I comforted her and apologised, we hugged and I thought that was it. Over the next couple of months she was cold and distant with me (see ). During that time we had a couple of talks where she basically said the last 4 years have been crap!

 

Managed to get through it and things seemed to be getting better. I occasionally went quiet because I was wondering what actually happened between the two of them even though she swore nothing happened.

 

Went away to Egypt together in April and were talking about doing up the house so we could move. Then she started putting work before me and I got upset about that and one morning I was all worried that we were going to drift back to where we were last year with her not being loving, that I just snapped. I wanted attention so I made the big mistake of sending her a text saying 'You're right, this isn't working'. She first came back with 'What does that mean', then she came back with 'You're right it isn't'.

 

I was gobsmacked. I quickly phoned her and she was adamant it was over. I was in tears, asking her not to do this and stuff. Got home that night and she said we need a break, it's only temporary, think of it like a holiday. Didn't move out that night because my dad came round and she felt awkward. Still, whilst he was there, she was saying that she's can't stay away too long as we've got a wedding to plan! Next day she moved in with her sister, communication got less and less then the following week, by email, she said it was over.

 

That was a week last Friday and I'm still devastated by the whole thing. I try to keep busy but I seem to think about her every waking moment. I go to the cinema with a friend but it just doesn't seem the same anymore. I know she's not coming back but I'm still clinging to the hope that perhaps she'll email me one day and say she's made a terrible mistake. I just don't think I'll ever find anyone that can make me feel as happy as she did.

 

Sorry to waffle on so much in your thread, when my fingers start typing about her, I just can't seem to stop! ](*,)

[Riggz41510]

Heartache,

 

I totally understand.. I have been on a roller coaster with my ex for 2 years now.. This is our 3rd break-up.. I know exactly how you feel..

 

I know you may not want to hear this but, do you think that you are actually "IN LOVE" with her or "IN LOVE WITH THE THOUGHT OF HER" reading your thread she seems kind of cold..

 

Right now I still love my ex and I think of her often, but I have to keep telling myself that when I was with her I wasn't happy. I find myself even making myself think that I was happy.. I know I wasn't for sure..

[HeartAche]

I guess I'm going throught the standard break-up ritual where the dumpee can only think of the good times they had with their ex.

 

All I seem to think about are the times when we were happy, going to the cinema, holding hands whilst walking round the shops, snuggling up on the sofa in the evening or in bed in the morning.

 

Maybe I am just in love at the thought of her I don't know. She seemed to tick most of my boxes and at the moment I can't see anyone else matching up to her. But, again, maybe that's just part of the grieving process I don't know.

 

I've only had three serious relationships in my life.

 

The first lasted 6 years and started when I was 17. I ended it because I was young, stupid and selfish. She was devastated - much like I am now - but I was a total **** and thought the grass was greener.

 

The second lasted 3 years and started when I was 23 (no prizes for guessing why I ended the first ). She ended it on Boxing Day of all days but I don't really remembering it bothering me that much.

 

And now this one which lasted 5 years and started when I was 27. At the moment I believe that she was my first true love. I thought I'd found my soulmate as we seemed to have a lot of silly things in common - both supported the same football team, both used to watch the same TV shows, both had the same favourite artist. Plus we often thought the same thing, both worked great as a team when doing stuff around the house. All that type of stuff.

 

I guess she never loved me as much as I loved her as, if she did, she never would have put me through so much pain last year then wait for me to start getting over it and dump me. I just hate not being part of her life anymore. It's not helped by the fact that I can't fully move on until we've resolved our financial ties and she's moved all her stuff out the house. Once that's done that I'll go the NC route.