Mixed signals

[laboheme]

I would really appreciate some advice...My boyfriend of two years broke up with me recently, claiming that he does not love me the same way anymore and does not want to lead me on. He still wants to be friends, and said that our friendship is special. He was crying during the breakup and wants me to come to him for help getting over him (yeah, that doesn't make any sense, I know!). Since the breakup, I've shed gallons of tears on his shoulder, we've reminisced together and all those things...He still gives me hugs and cuddles with me, and gives me friendly kisses on the lips, saying that friends can do that, that it's just a way of showing affection. How is that not leading me on? I'm still very much in love with him and obviously find deeper meaning in those physical acts. It really hurts because it's one-sided, but I don't want to give it up, because it still makes me happy in that bittersweet way.

 

What gives me even more false hope is his saying that I shouldn't dismiss the possibility of him getting the loving feeling back. I may be foolish for grasping on to that, but how do I get him back? Does is sound like there's a chance? If I hang out with him enough as a best friend, will I eventually regain my girlfriend status? Or is he just teasing me -- but didn't he break up with me to avoid just that?

[Phoenix69]

Huney, you need to go NC RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

He is using you and I know you may think he is being nice and caring by getting you through this break up, he is actually making it harder on you... By still telling you these things and making physical contact with you, he is leading you on (I know you know this)

I had a similar situation with my BF of two years. He told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and that we had drifted apart. The night he broke up with me I made the decision to go NC (No Contact). Two weeks later he was back texting, calling and wanting to sort things out. We have been back together for nearly five months now, and even though we are still working through our rough patches, things are better than the relationship we had previously to breaking up. I know that NC is mainly for healing yourslef, but sometimes, it makes them miss you. How can he miss you if you don't go away (I don't mean this in a bad way) You need to take back the power, and find yourself again.

 

Feel free to PM me if you want too.

[cacain119]

Yep, previous poster said it best. Take her up on that advice. He seems to be using you until *the next best thing* comes about... And a little distance never hurt anyone... He might just realize how silly he's being..

 

Good luck

[Bounder]

NC may be good for the two of you. He hasnt had to really THINK about what he is doing yet by seein you all the time. It is hard on him too, and this is a crutch for him.....taking it away is painful, but it has to be done, no matter the outcome. My ex, who i ended it with just over a week ago, has gone into NC, though I think she really doesnt want to talk to me anymore, but it has allowed me to be alone and really think. Thats always a start. Good luck!

[laboheme]

I wish it was as simple as NC...but the thing is, he realized that his feelings started fading because he was unsure that I cared as much for him as he cared for me...and the fact that we could never see each other because of our very busy schedules (out of sight, out of mind). I guess he thought he didn't mean much to me (he did...I would do anything to prove that I did and that I still do, more than ever) and retreated to avoid being hurt. So I'm afraid that if I cut off all contact with him, I will not only lose all hope of us getting back together (and he told me that I shouldn't dismiss the possibility!), but lose him as a friend altogether because I will "confirm" his fears that I'm too busy. I know he's not trying to play me, and he swore that he's not going to give me any false hopes, and I know that he's the nicest guy who will sacrifice himself for the other person's happiness...He still wants to hang out on our anniversary, is planning his class schedule around mine "just in case" (a while ago he was so excited to transfer to my college), can't bring himself to tell people that he's single, etc...Will NC completely dishearten him? I mean, what chance is there of him coming back to me if I ignore him and don't make any time for him in my life -- which is just a few notches more drastic than what we had for a while before we broke up, thanks to work?

 

Oh, and...how do I eventually break the news to my parents? I just know that my mom will say, "Told you so." She thought it was ridiculous of me to be so committed to a guy for two years and not date other men on the side...

[Jay_69_30]

If I were you tell him straight up what your heart says. Friends do not kiss like that trust me. I personally thikn he is using you. Tell him how you feel, have closure, tell him it's either your with me or not, I dont want friendship. Have the closure then do the no connection and let faith decide what happens next. You have to move on or start to let go.