I am confused and sorta discouraged

[Waitin-N-Texas]

Ok, I'll start at the beginning; so if you hang in there with me I would appreciate it. I am 21 and a devout Christian; I only date other baptist. I've had one g/f. We started dating when I was in the 10th grade. we dated for 4 1/2 years (it ended in Feb of 2005.) we pretty much stayed together until Sept of 2005. It was all over. So, this past January I finally got over everything and decided to move on, and in March I started talking to this smart, sweet, funny, absolutely beautiful SOUTHERN BAPTIST girl... I hadnt been able to find a baptist girl in forever. I believe God brings everyone into your life for a reason. I am horrible at flirting.. at first, after the initial talk... im gold.

 

Now, she was in my Biology II class and lab. we ended up being lab partners, we had a group of 4. I had no idea she was a baptist until I joined the group. I had a crush on her before... but this was too good to be true. So after a week or so of being my usual shy self... during lab time I would talk to all of them... and do what I do best, make ppl laugh. and when she was talking look right into her eyes and then smile. So, I ended up talking to her for like an hour after class one day, just small talk (we share everything in common: the way we talk is almost the same, the jokes, the music, all of that). Then we started talking on the internet a lot. I eventually moved all the way from the other side of the Bio lecture class right next to her and the rest of my group. I even saw her at a David Crowder concert and she hugged me and introduced me to her best friend. And then near the end of the semester she didnt talk to me as much. (she had just broken up with someone a few months before and still had feelings... sorta) I asked her if I had said anything to upset her... and she apologized and said no and said that she had been busy with school ... (shes going for pharmacy... so shes pretty dedicated to school), and I asked for her number and said " well when everything calms down we can go do something" . She said she would love that. I was pretty excited... this girl is everything I've ever wanted.

 

So, this summer we've talked a little... but we're both busy. But the thing is... I call sometimes and she wont call me back. and I've asked her to go out and eat or get coffee a few times and shes always had a legit excuse but would someone who was really interested call me back. She says shes horrible with the phone and calling back, but im not sure. The thing that keeps giving me hope is we talked about me asking her out... and she said at the time she wasnt ready cause she was just out of the relationship, and felt she needed some time, but if anything changed I would be the FIRST to know. and on her birthday, we were both at a different church camp and it was her birthday. So I called the city she was in and got the lady in the office to pick up a giant bear and a card for her. She did and she got the bear and card. She called me that day... and then the day I got back. and was estatic over it.. and kept saying how sweet I was and stuff. she even named it after my cats. June Carter Cash... she named her bear Johnny.... So i have no idea, what do you think??? if anyone could stay up with that and could help I would love you forever...

 

Waitin-N-Texas

[vesper]

Waitin-N-Texas,

 

Hello and welcome to ENA

 

Would you break up your post into 2-3 sentence paragraphs, so your post is easier to read? I would love to be able to help you but cant read your story!

 

[Waitin-N-Texas]

ok... sorry... I was in a hurry to type it. I've wrote this a hundred times it seems

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

my instinct is that this situation probably isn't going to work out. It seems like she has an endless list of excuses why she can't see you. And she told you that you'd be the first to know if she was ready for a relationship.

 

I think you should move on, find a new girl. Yes, while I'm sure that this one is really special, she's also been turning you down too many times.

 

If I were really interested in a guy, I'd find an hour here or there to get coffee with him. I certainly wouldn't want to discourage him by never returning his calls or always turning him down. If I were really busy, I'd say something like, "well, I already have plans for friday, but next week is pretty clear for me."

 

See.... there is a difference between playing "hard to get" and "impossible to get" and I think she is being "impossible to get."

 

If I were you, I'd move on, find another girl. If this one changes her ind, she knows where to find you.

 

good luck

[vesper]

do you want to know if she likes you?

[Waitin-N-Texas]

Yes!!! I have no idea what she thinks, and Im kinda tired of being the only one calling. and Im not sure at all if she is that busy... cause shes not a rude person, shes the kind of person that makes everyone happy.

 

I've never had this problem... I have no idea whats going on.

[Waitin-N-Texas]

also what should I do???

[annie24]

It seems like she is polite to a fault. She doesn't want to just flat out reject you, so she comes up with a list of excuses (very busy, is bad with the phone, just got out of a relationship). I think she's hoping you will take the hint, but she is too nice to just tell you she doesn't want to hang out. In that respect, I think she is being mean. It would be better if she just were straight up with you.

 

what should you do? go to church or camp and meet other baptist girls. ask your friends to set you up, or maybe find out if your parents know any other parents who have a baptist daughter your age. Try some baptist online message boards, see where the girls are in your area.

 

Since she told you you'd be the first to know when she is ready to date, and she hasn't called you, assume she is not ready to date you, and find someone new.

 

If anything, her hearing that you have a new love interest may pique her interest in you.

[vesper]

You have already done everything you could by trying to call her.

 

If you stop calling her, she may wonder what happened to you and call you.

[Waitin-N-Texas]

Thanks... thats what I've been dreading. Shes gets back in town soon, and I left a voicemail.. so we'll see if she calls soon. any more advice from anyone??

[aymee_lee]

Ah, Waitin,

 

I wish I could give you all the answers you're looking for. If I were you, I would just wait and see if she calls (you know you're going to anyway )

 

But, unfortunately, I agree with the others, if I really liked a guy, I would definitely make time for them. But, then again, if she just got out of a relationship then maybe she's decided to be a little selfish and have some 'me' time before she gets into anything else.

 

Not to make you feel bad (and this may not apply to you) but a little story for you-

I had a female friend, Ally, who had just broken up with her bf and was spending a lot of time with a male friend of ours, Phil. They hung out a lot, coffees, movies, clubbing together etc. After this went on for a while, he tells her he has feelings for her. She really wasn't over her ex, so she told him that and also that she wasn't ready to date yet. Now, the problem was that Phil assumed that when Ally was ready to date again, that HE was the one she would be dating. Not so. Ally like him, but not enough to want to start a relationship with him. Now, maybe she should have been more blunt with him about this, but she didn't want to be horrible, and I don't think she knew that this is exactly how he felt, or the extent of his feelings for her. Fast forward a few months and Phil is devestated to find out that Ally is seeing someone else. And while I could understand that, Ally had never actually promised him anything, he just heard what he wanted to hear from her and that ended in heartbreak for him. Their friendship was ruined because of it; he felt betrayed, and she felt like she was being punished for simply dating someone who wasn't him, which she had every right to do.

 

So, I guess you can see what I'm trying to say. But as I said, wait and see what happens when you see her, but try not to pin everything on her (as hard as that is). If it's meant to be, it will be.

[Waitin-N-Texas]

thanks for all the advice... its all sorta going in the same direction... anyone else want to help out???

[annie24]

I know, you're hoping someone will tell you to "hang in there, keep pursuing this girl!" but seriously, we just don't want to see you waste your time.

[Waitin-N-Texas]

well... I've been pretty busy the last few months. But I was going to updtate this situation a little and see what everyones advice is. I actually ran into her a month ago and she invited me and my brother and two of my friends to come over and play volleyball and hang out with her friends. We went and had a blast. My friend told me that she liked me but she seemed like she wasnt looking for a relationship. but heres what has happened within the last week.

 

So, we have been talking a lot lately. Mainly online and we talked on the phone the other night for about three hours. The thing is... we were talking about her ex. Who now lives out of town. But she says she still MAY have feelings for him. Well, she went out of town with her family, him and his family and she texted me " Pray for me... I need it and dont know why"

 

well, I called her as soon as I got that. She said that she would just call me when she got back. So I told her be careful and all that and I would talk to her later. Well, I didnt talk to her much when she got back and then Thursday night I decided to just call. We had some small talk about stuff and then we got into the relationship thing with her ex. To make a really long story short... shes bacially in the letting go but not really phase. She reminded me so much of me before my relationship ended. So I gave her advice without compromising my chances or making her lean the other way. and we really kinda poured out our hearts to each other about stuff. She went out of town for a retreat this weeked and the ex was there.... so Im supposed to see what all happened while she was gone. Cause he (the ex) wanted to know if she missed him and if they were going to get back together. I have no idea where she was leaning.... cause she wasnt sure. So, soon... I guess I'll know if this is going to be a friendship only... or if I'll have a chance.

 

She has been returning calls and texts and being really cool. Shes invited me to her church and later to go out of town with them. and she is supposed to play in our volleyball league. and next Friday she is supposed to go a football game with me. So the next two weeks are going to determine a lot. I really, and I mean really like this girl. Shes everything I want...and the more I talk to her the more I realize how good we would be together. But I think its the ex thats in the way... so we will see. I would never dream of being in the way of true love. So I left her alone all weekend and let her focus on God and her problems. So any thoughts or advice....