Started dating my best friend (need advice)

[YouVandal713]

About a week ago I started dating my best friend who Ive known for almost a year now. Originally when we met we tried to date, but decided that neither one of us was ready to be in a relationship since the two of us were both going through alot of personal issues in our lives. For a long time I thought maybe I had been friend-zoned since outside of a few drunken moments, she never really made mention of the possibility of us getting together. For the last few months the two of us had been dating other people off and on, but recently she professed to me that she was in love with me and that she couldnt see me with anyone but her, nor could she see herself with anyone but me.

 

I truly believe this girl and I were made for each other. We understand each other like nobody else has ever understood each one of us, and our bond is so natural and flawless. Weve both been through several serious relationships in our lives, but we definitely recognize this as one of a kind. Both of our families also know us quite well, and have been silently hoping for this to happen for a long time, as have all of our friends. Everyone just seems to think that the two of us belong together and wonder what has taken so long for it to happen.

 

The problem is, neither one of us is quite sure how to handle the transition. Aside from our emotional attraction, the two of us are also very physically attracted to each other, but physical affection seems a bit uneasy being that we both still see each other with "best friend" eyes. A few days ago, in what seemed right at the time, the two of us tried having sex, but just felt two nervous and strange to go through with it all the way, even though we were both very interested in having it happen. Weve decided to take it very, very slow (slower then a typical relationship) to make for an easier transition, as well as due to the fact that she still feels like she needs to take care of some personal matters with herself before she can fully commit to a heavy relationship which could very well turn out to be very intense and very much long term - however we are dating exclusively and she has made it very clear to me that she only wants to be with me and that handling the situation slowly and cautiously is her way of making sure it gets done right.

 

I think were doing things the right way, although Im a bit scared that the fact that were both finding the transition from best friends to romantic partners a bit awkward means that we might not really have what it takes to make the change. I very much love her and would love to be with her, and also would like to see this done right. I was wondering if anyone else has ever experienced something of this nature and how it turned out for them, or if anyone might have any advice or insight as to whether or not something like this really can happen and work out.

 

Thanks

[hosswhispra]

By establishing a friendship with her, I believe that you have the BEST foundation for a romantic relationship to flourish. You have the right idea about taking things slowly...

 

Keep doing what you're doing. I believe it's going to work well between you and her

 

hosswhispra

[justpaisley]

My husband and I were best friends for 2 years before we started dating. Our immediate transition was a little weird... it felt strange leaning in for a kiss from him and holding hands with him. We were able to laugh a little through the initial awkwardness. It wore off pretty quickly, though, seeing as how we were married 2 months later.

 

As long as you're able to laugh some through it, and you're quite sure you're attracted to one another, I'm sure you'll be fine. Hosswhispra is right, that best friend foundation can get you through a LOT. 5 years later, my husband and I are still the closest of friends above anything else, which is not something I see in a lot of married couples - they see themselves in this husband and wife role more than they do as friends. Good luck!

[fishrrshortae]

It can definitely be awkward making that transition.. but give it time, go slowly.. the physical will come when the awkwardness goes away, probably at the point when you two become the most comfortable with each other as bf/gf. There's never anything wrong with taking things slow ..

 

but you mentioned that she has some concerns about her future/the length of your relationship. Do you think that maybe despite caring for you and wanting to be with you, she is scared to get into a serious relationship?

[chigal28]

I started dating my best guy friend of a few years, about seven months ago, and it was definitely awkward at first!! We had always had a strong emotional and intellectual connection, but the transition to the physical was awkward at times. We've grown together in that respect since then, and now it's wonderful!! I'd say it took a couple months to get fully comfortable, and past the transition phase. Sometimes things still crop up every now and again, but it's SOOOO different being with someone I was friends with first...I can be completely myself around him, for good and bad, and that helps us get through some of the tougher times. I'm sure it will for you, too.

[YouVandal713]

In response to fishrrshortae's question, she is a bit cautious to get into another long term relationship, because of things that happened to her in the past. About a year ago she ended a relationship with a guy she was engaged to at the time after things went terribly down hill. She tells me shes been analyzing where that one went wrong because she doesnt want to get fully involved in something which could possibly go a very serious route until she works out some of the mistakes she makes in relationships which may or may have contributed to her past relationships going bad. She may have just not been with the right one, but she maintains that she wants us to work and thus, aside from taking it slow, needs my patience as she figures herself out a bit more and how it is she can better herself as a person for us.

 

Im willing to be patient, but having been in a few long term relationships myself which have crashed and burned, Im trying to find the red flags early to avoid it going bad - particularly since the person Im with is my best friend. In any case, I think our bond is strong enough to make things really work and Im hoping for the best.

[fishrrshortae]

YouV-

 

I think it's great that you are both looking to your past and also going slow with your future. One thing concerns me though: do you think that after a while of dating, she will suddenly come to you and say that things are getting too serious and she wants to cool off? She may not have completely "healed" from the engagement that went wrong, and that might cause her to back off from you a bit.. the reason I am bringing this up is that from my perspective, whenever I've told a guy that I want to go slow, sometimes it's because I'm honestly having doubts about whether or not I should be in a relationship at all..

 

Don't want to concern you or anything..!! But definitely don't push it right now. If it was meant to be, it will be.