A little flustered

[nadine_3110]

Ok so I got back together with my ex boyfriend, going great, been together almost three months. But the thing is sometimes I feel like, well I don't know exactly what it is, maybe i'm a little insecure. He calls me after work, we talk for an hour about, not every night. And at night we text message each other, talking about sexual things we can try (not sex though). I guess it's just easier to text about these things than to talk about it on the phone. We don't have the same weekends, he has saturday, sunday off and i have monday, tuesday off. So i don't see him that often during the week.

 

So anyway, the other day (saturday) we talked, I told him to text me anytime at night cus i wanted to talk about our times together *wink*. He said he would and he did at like 11h30. But he said i should go to bed, that he didn't want me tired for work, it just sounded like he didn't want to talk but i told him i wanted to, so i told him stuff i wanted to try when i saw him sunday night and he replied with stuff like, and so he wasn't really participating in the convo, then i said, he said he missed me and goodnight. I replied with . Now i really want to tell him that i'm feeling a bit rejected, i guess that's what it is, he says that he can't always talk to me, but i understand that. Am i being too clingy?

[Tigris]

Talking face to face is a lot better than emails and texts. You get a better idea of what they're thinking by the expressions on their faces.

 

He maybe telling the truth that he couldn't talk. Maybe he was with friends or family?

 

The only way to find out how your relationship is going is to talk to each other about it.

 

Good luck

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

Well my first impression is that you are still insecure over the breakup, and the trust is not there for you.

 

May I ask why you broke up?

 

What exactly about that conversation made you feel rejected?

 

I know that for me, sometimes I am just not in the mood for a lengthy conversation with my bf, and will just let him know I'm tired and want to go to bed, or suggest that he might like a good night's sleep.

 

Do you think you may be overreacting about this because something deeper is bothering you?

[nadine_3110]

It's not that i don't trust him, like i know he wouldn't cheat or anything like that, i think i'm just scared that the whole breakup will happen again, and that was the worst experience of my life. We broke up because i think he felt that i wasn't right, that i hadn't experienced enough of life. I was really caught up in the future and not enough in the present. Now i'm finally happy with me. So i think it's just that insecurity about him leaving.

[nadine_3110]

Need a little bit more support, comments or help please!

[Hope75]

Hi nadine,

 

I went through a breakup with my bf as well, after we had been together for 2 years (and living together as well). When we got back together, about 18 months ago, I really struggled with this for awhile as well. I was very insecure and needed alot of reassurance.

 

Eventually I figured out that the very fact that we had worked through what broke us up in the first place, and that he loved me enough to want to come back and work it out, that had to say something. I had to learn to trust in us or my insecurities would destroy our second chance.

 

How has your bf been since you got back together? Have you talked about the breakup and what has changed?

[nadine_3110]

Well we've been doing good, talking about normal relationship stuff. It's been good. At first, when he called me up seven months after the break up, he took me for a drive and he said that he wouldn't beat around the bush and that he wanted to give things another shot. We talked then about the break up and why he broke up with me and we talked a lot about how i had changed. I asked him if it was just cus he was lonely and he said he was sure it wasn't. But we haven't really talked much about it since then, almost three months ago. I guess I should bring it up again and tell him that it's still kinda bothering me.

[Hope75]

It certainly sounds as though you spent a good deal of time apart working on your issues before you got back together. He sought you out to reconcile and that is also positive. He also told you that he was positive he wanted to work things out with YOU and not just there because he was lonely. These are all good things.

 

Maybe you need to just tell him that you need a bit of a boost and that you are having a little bit of trouble learning to feel safe and secure in the relationship. See what he says.

 

To me that phone incident seems as though you are looking for something to be upset about, but is hardly the real issue here. I think now you are onto the real issue, and if you can approach your bf in a positive, non-threatening way, you will come out of this stronger and more able to have faith that your relationship, although it may not be perfect, is strong enough to withstand the normal trials and tribulations that any normal, healthy relationship endures.