my friends girlfriend

[pete89]

so my friend is lately being kinda a {Mod Edit} to hes girlfriend. hes been cheating on her on talking behind her back. shes been asking me lately to if hes been doing this. and i cant rat him out. hes been my friend for a long time. i feel its wrong to lie to her but then if i tell her the truthe hel be more mad at me. and the real thing here is i really think shes attracted to me and might be asking me this all the time for attention, it is coincidence that he actuly is at this time. but i feel lately like theres something going on between me and her. i mean im attracted to her but yeah shes me friends girlfriend and im not gunna break them up. i know i would treat her beter then him but the point is idk what to do or whats going on in general here can someone help

[LostInMyThoughts]

I've been in this situation before, and what I did was to not say anything.

 

If you tell her what's going on, you'll lose a friend for sure, and there's no guarentee that she'll leave him and start dating you.

[lady00]

Tough situation. But I'd stay away since your friendship with this guy is important to you. Hopefully she will find out some other way because the situation isn't fair to her. But you're right, it isn't your place to tell her.

[n83]

I have NO idea why you are lying to her. It's one thing for him to lie to her. Doesn't mean you have to be a part of it any more, and I say, give him fair warning. Say, "Hey, she's been asking me.. I'm not gonna lie for you any more." It's as simple as that. So he knows what's coming if he doesn't come clean, and the bottom line is, if he gets pissed at you for it... well, he's a jerk to her, so he's probably not a great person in general. Why bother with that friendship? He's making you look like a jerk too.

[eremy]

First off, I don't condone cheating at all. If I had a friend that was doing it, I'd strongly reconsider my friendship with him. If nothing else he'd already lose my respect. Now usually it's not your right to go blabbing his business...however, you are getting dragged into this whether you like it or not. I'd try to talk some sense into your friend, and have him tell her himself...but otherwise I wouldn't lie for him. It's not your fault he can't be faithful, and it's not your job to cover it up. I understand not wanting to land your buddy in hot water, but some things go beyond that male loyalty. At least in my mind it does.

[lady00]

Look, you have a choice as to whether you get dragged into their mess of a relationship. If she asks you what he's up to, you are well within your rights to say "I don't want to be an intermediary between you guys. You should ask him these things." I don't see how getting involved in this situation benefits anyone.

 

In addition, yes it is possible and fine to be friends with a cheater. I have a very close friend who cheated on a boyfriend of hers in the past. Did I question her judgement? Yes. Did I approve of her treatment of the guy? No. But you know what? She was one of the best friends I ever had and she treated me well and in the end that was the most important thing. So when her bf would ask me about her, I would say she's doing fine and move on to the next topic. I saw nothing to be gained from telling him about her cheating. Eventually they broke up. I haven't spoken to the guy in ages but I speak with my friend often and I value her friendship. I don't regret not clueing the guy in but I do feel badly that he got hurt. He probably figured it out in the end because she eventually left him for the other guy. Her treatment of this one man, however, has not broken my friendship with her and I would think it rather bizarre if it did.

 

In this case, the poster likes the other party in question so this changes his perspective A LOT. I had no emotions or friendship with my friend's ex and felt no obligation toward him. I realize this is a tougher situation not to intervene in but I just don't see why it is the place of a friend of the cheater to tell the other party.

[rowboat]

You have to have a talk to your mate. Tell him that what he is doing to his girlfriend it not on. When he keeps doing it(no doubt he will) then you go ahead and tell her.

[PRSOV]

I really think you need to weigh up your options here... How valuable is your friendship with this guy? If this is the way he likes to treat women then do you really want a good mate who acts like that? Does he know that you are continually lying to his partner because he keeps stuffing up? If he does I don't think he is worth your friendship... If she finds out that you have been lying to her as well, she is going to feel just as cheated by as well as her boyfriend.

 

This situation is going to end a mess for all involved and especially if you keep lying about what he is doing behind her back.

 

Bottom line is that he doesn't deserve to have her anyway, he doesn't respect her or her feelings. Although I don't entirely condone going to tell her what is going on as you may come accross one way or another.

 

Good luck in your decision.

 

PR