This is Ridiculous....Cannot figure women out!

[ck]

 

 

I can't figure out women for the life of me; okI ws told that looks don't matter; yet most of the girls are dating pretty boys.

 

I have been told just wait and love will come; well I been waiting my whole life (no seriously) and nothing.

 

I was told to be myself.

 

I was told to have conversations with women; I do and still nothing.

 

I was told to look friendly (even though I can't do that all the time) and it has no effect?

 

Then look happy; nothing.

 

What REALLY do I have to do.

 

Do women just do this to ugly guys; if so just say so. Then I can cut my loses and live with it.

 

It is so annoying to hear Put it in gods hands I am tierd and at the same time

[Smokeycat]

well...what kind of girls are you going after? Are they the right kind? You may be going after the wrong people. Or maybe you're trying too hard. Your situation is hard to resolve. Just try different places to meet girls other than the ones you've been trying. Flirt with every girl you can flirt with...show a lot of interest. The people who could tell you what you may be doing wrong are the people who are around you most. Try asking a friend. Good luck!

[ck]

I'm not sure there is a right or wrong kind, but if your suggesting I look for certian type of women. I can without a doubt tell you it's not. I don't even have a type.

 

I don't hang around a lot of friends because dudes around my way is way too childish for me to ask them question. Nothing seems to work, and it looks like I'm cursed to just live the rest of my life by myself because women don't want to be real with me and tell me what's wrong. *sigh*

[Smokeycat]

first off...NO ONE is destined to live life alone. Everyone has someone...a soulmate. Sometimes we aren't as lucky as others and can't find the right people so soon in our lives. Maybe you can ask a friend of yours that's female if she sees anything wrong in what you're doing. Girls usually give better insight. Don't dwell on this b/c you'll just become depressed. And remember that if you don't love yourself...you can never love anyone else.

[segagirl]

Hi there ck,

 

I think what smokeycat was trying to say(sorry if I am wrong smoke)..is if you are concerned that the issue is your looks, then are you attempting to attract women that are a perfect "10"? If you are going for all kinds of girls (looks wise) and it still does not work, then you can be sure looks is not the prob.

 

To answer your question about what we think about looks...To me looks matter. I am not afraid to say so....my motto..looks will get you in my door, but won't keep you there. All the other qualities do have to come into play pretty quickly...but yes I like dating people I am attracted to. The good thing about that though, is that everyone is attracted to different types of people (looks wise) ....

 

And when you say your whole life....how long are we talking here...I mean these days we live til like 90...so if you are in your twenties or less...I say don't freak quite yet. really we dont even start thinking of dating til we are 16-17....just how many years is that for you?

Meaning...many of us don't date, or don't find a good match for many many years....its just a part of the crazy world of dating.

[ck]

Look I know i might sound like a total a double s (I don't know which words they moderate you on; I'm new), but I have been told that exact same thing on another site, and it sounds good but when you look at the situation it becomes more realistic. I have seen people 40 and over who are alone, so it's pretty much true those things happen. That's what I feel like; 22 years of my life and not one date. Come on something has to be wrong; I'm already in depression from 2 years ago so that's pretty much too late. I love myself but it seems as that's the only love I have been getting. I just hope your right and my real friends can tell me what's wrong.

 

Otherwise I will just take up

[ck]

@ segagurl

 

I know looks matter, and that goes for 95% of the population

So basically I'm screwed either way.

 

I just wanted to know is that the only problem you women have? I mean do I have to be dressed in the latest fashions too, or have a sports car or SUV? Do I need money? I just want to know what else.

 

As for my whole life means just that; my whole life. I really don't think I will be interested when I'm 90; If I even live that long I doubt I will care once I'm past 45. I mean I'm not asking for a kidney.

[Smokeycat]

I don't look at guys who have great looks all the time, and certainly not guys with expensive things. I usually try talking to a guy first...I know right off the bat if I'm going to like them or not usually. So maybe just go up to some girls and try to talk to them...maybe they'd be like I am and try to figure out your personality by conversation instead of your looks. The guys who look like models are usually very materialistic and not very bright. So give what I suggested a try!

[segagirl]

Hi ck,

 

Well the question posed is do women care about other qualities other than looks? I think that men and women care about lots of things when it comes to dating. So yes.

 

But what you have to keep in mind is my idea of say....style in a man...may be different than another womans views. And my idea of what makes a man nice, may be something different to another woman. We are all different, and like different things.

 

So do you need to dress a certian way, or drive and SUV?...it depends on the girl. Someone who is down to earth may be irritated you drive and SUV and guzzle up all the gas....lol

 

The best you can do with figuring out a girl, is knowing yourself and what you value and who you are. And then ask girls out that have similar qualities as you.

[ck]

Alright I'll try and ask em. Even though I'm probably just wasting my time

[segagirl]

A woman can see confidence a mile away...have faith....never stop asking....

[Emmylu]

Hi there, I read your posts but unfortunately, I don't have enough information to tell you what's wrong. 22 years without a date is not okay. You sound bitter and I don't blame you. I also noticed that you seem to talk about women as if they're the enemy to conquor. Certainly if you have not much dating contact with women, then they seem alien to you. Do you have sisters you can talk to? Also, it's a fact that some people are just not lucky in love. Just because you're hardworking, doesn't mean you will be successful. You can only make the best of what you have. A positive attitude goes a long way (Yeah, I know it's hard to do). In any case, you have to do something about this.

[ck]

"A woman can see confidence a mile away"

 

Well they must have ESP also if they can see it through a smile. No going through or around that.

 

@ Emmylu

 

 

"22 years without a date is not okay. You sound bitter and I don't blame you. "

 

NO kidding

 

"I also noticed that you seem to talk about women as if they're the enemy to conquor."

 

Really; how so? It's hard seeing this from the inside you understand right. It is hard to have a positive attitude all the time when you never experience something and hear everybody and their moma talking about their love lives. It's hard hearing two diffrent sides of the coin like "you don't need a woman" especially when the person telling you that has or at least had a partner; then hearing Your weird, a loser because you didn't.

 

That's why it's hard to open up to people, family because you don't know if or when they will use this information against you. It's easier for people to laugh at you then try to understand/help.

[segagirl]

Ck,

 

What I mean by we can see it.....is YES we can tell even through a smile you lack confidance the minute you open your mouth. How? What you say, your body language and how you follow through with actions. If you have confidence, then she will see that as well.

 

Of course not dating is going to make you feel bad. Of course, who wants to talk to people who have great relationships about things like this. I assure you, not many of us here do! But you want advice.....I assume thats why you came here? advice is ....you have to go out everyday into this crazy world and fall a thousand times before anything good happens.

And no matter how many times you fall, or how many times you hate everything around you...you got to get back up and try again. Nothing in this world comes to you easy...you have to work hard eveyday....for eveything you want. And when is it enough? when do you say I cant do it anymore? ......never....

[ck]

I wasn't trying tobe nasty or rude, but if your smiling and all that and you still are accused of being under confident there is nothing I can do?

 

Everything under that I was replying to What emmlyu said. I wanted to know besides looks which obviously matters to a lot of people what else do women seem to zone in on.

 

I guess I'm just wasting your time. maybe I should just have just ended it at page 2. Nevermind. Thank you and everybody else for responding have a nice day.

[Smokeycat]

hey I actually get vibes from people...like sometimes something doesn't feel right about certain ppl. Maybe you give off a bad vibe? not tryin to put you down but I dunno what else to tell you.

[ck]

I'm stuck and I just don't know what to do?

 

I don't know what it is; I don't know what to change; I don't even know if I can change the thing that's wrong.

 

All I know is this was basically this was my last chance to know, and I guess it's either move to another continent. Or just admit I'm lacking one or many things that is needed to attract them.

[segagirl]

Ok then ck, lets start over. The question is not what about women. The question is what about you. And no sweetie, you are not wasting time, this is why were are here.

So start over and tell us, when you see a girl you like what happens? How do you approach...what do you act like, where do you meet them and what do you look like (attire etc) what do you do for a living and for fun...meaning what things to you have or know that are interesting.

[Rain533]

Ok I'm going to be truthful and not hold back here:

Looks do matter but for example, people tend to be attracted to the other sex that is the same catigory so to speek. I'll use my self as a example: I look at my self as a 7 in the one out of ten looks department. I would never go for a guy that is a 10 even though he looks great and I can't help but to stair at him, Reasons is because if he's a 10 chances are he knows it and the men that I have dated that are ten's act like it to and thats a big turn off to me. I don't want to date a guy that spends more time in the bathroom then me.

 

Looks are what first attracts us to someone and them we get to know the person and there personality and thats what tell's us if we want to date this guy or not.

 

I'm not sure how old you are but this dose matter because if you are in your twentys and looking to date girls in there twentsys, these girls are looking for different things in a man and a relationship then a girl in her later twentys. For example the girls that are looking for the nice car may be the ones that are younger (not saying all girls this age do). If the girl is in late twentys she is looking for someone that has the same goals and plans in life. This is a big facter. People like to get from a relationship what they are going to give.

 

I don't know you so I'm just going to give you some examples of why I ture a guy down from the state even if he is good looking.

 

If he tells me that he is still living at home and is 25yrs old. This tells me that he is in no hurry to cut the strings from mom any time soon. If he hasn't moved out yet he hasn't had some imported life experinces yet and I don't look forward to teaching someone at this point in the game of life.

 

If he dosen't have any goals at his job and his type of job can tell a girl alot, as fare as if he is going to be a motivated person. If he dose this tells me that he want's things out of life and is working hard to get them (not saying that I'm a gold digger because remember people look for someone that is going to give what they are going to give.) I look for this because I know that those are the things that I want in life and work hard each day to get them not because I want someone to give them to me, but help each other to get there.

 

It is very important to be your self in a relationship and if the girls that you meet don't like that #### them. You would not be happy with her eather in the long run if you have to pretend to be someone your not.

 

The idea about asking a female friend advice is good.

 

One more thing that may sound kind of stupied but, when you talk to or ask these girls out u don't have to have the nice name brand close on but I'm sure that you know you have to be clean right, hair nice, teeth brushed all that kind of stuff.

 

When you first talk to a girl, really listen to her, and respond to what she is saying. This is just in case you are getting nervce and talking about your self the whole time, because this can be a big turn off from the start.

 

Compliment the girl, girls love that you notice things about them and even if they are dateing someone she may think that you are a nice guy and interduce you to one of her friends.

 

Don't look for a date from a girl right away, sit back and see what girl interestes you and who you think that you would have fun with. then spend some time with her ask her to go do something with you . Make a point to say that this is not a date but that you would just like to get to know her as a fried. Chances are she will say yes and she will be wondering why you didn't want to ask her on a date. Alot of relationships are started this way. Plus this way you will get to know her better and make sure you really like her. Be on your best behavior and open doors all that kind of stuff, this way she will know what a great guy u r. Friendships offten turn in to the best of relationship cuz to have a good relationship you must have a good friendship first.

[EternalGrace]

I can see where you're coming from, ck. I'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend before. It's not easy to listen to your friends talk about their significant others, while you sit there by your lonesome. The only advice I can give you is to just be yourself. You have self-confidence. You just admitted that you're an attractive man with a great sense of humour. What a wonderful start that is! I find it appealing when a man carries himself with confidence, just as long as the confidence isn't overflowing in the form of arrogance. Honestly, looks matter to me to a certain extent. That's kind of what provides that initial attraction, but personality can make the person 100 times more attractive. I mean, you could be the most beautiful man in the world, but if there's no substance there, forget it. Just keep in mind that every woman is different. There are some with the sole intention of snagging a guy for his money, some because of looks exclusively, and others who are more modest. Those that look beyond the material objects, and search into the person's soul. Good luck on your journey!

[doorik]

women say these types of things so they don't sound shallow or superficial.

Never believe what a woman says. Always watch for what they do because 9 times outta ten they will contradict their words with their actions.

 

For example, a lady friend of yours may say "women want men who respects them, are sincere, and makes them laugh"

PLEASE....

 

It's not a matter of being yourself, be what they want.

and for all the ladies who will disagree, if you have ever worn a pushup/padded bra, your words are useless because you were not being yourselves, you were being what guys wanted.

 

Jus keepin it real,

Doorik

[ck]

@ segagirl

 

I'm not going to lie; I don't do much approaching and saying "will you go out with me". I'm not as shy as I used to be back in high school, but still never the less I am kind of on the shy side.

I have a serious look on my face most of the time, but I do smile when smiled at and return gestures I think can be mistaken for flirting. Sometimes it's hard to tell.

But when I do smile it seems like it doesn't really matter.

 

I mostly go to around my neighborhood and my school, so I guess that's where they would be. My clothing is casula nothing outrageous I don't like to show off. So it could be khaki's and shoes one day, and jeans with sneakers the next. It depends on where I'm going, ect.

 

I basically work, and work out at the gym. If not I'm at college or home.

[ck]

I understand yall are trying to be nice and helpful when you say be yourself, but honestly what to do when being yourself hasn't been working for most of your life.

 

Yeah I could say the hell with those girls who don't like me for me, but then that wouldn't exactly help my case. I would still be in the same situation. I don't agree with treating anybody bad, but doorik does have a point when he says actions and words tell a different story with a lot of people. For instance I heard of women saying "your too nice" for them; like why would you want a guy to be a jerk and dog you. It just dosen't make sense? Don't get me wrong not all people are like that but I have seen women go for a certian type of guy.

 

And that's what I'm trying to find out; they all have one connection but I don't know what it is but it's like they all link up somehow?

 

"You just admitted that you're an attractive man with a great sense of humour."

 

Actually I'm the opposite I think you misunderstood me; I have a great sense on humor but if I was attractive obviously I would have better luck. Personality may add to looks and keep you in the house, but how can a person even get that chance if a person is already closing the door in your face because there is no attraction.

 

all of my friendships with the opposite sex; doesn't go any farther than that based on their desicion. Man I wish there was some way this nightmare would end.

[EternalGrace]

You can be yourself and attract women, ck. It's just a matter of finding the right girl. Some people are fortunate and find their matches early in life, others aren't so fortunate and have to wait a while. Why would you want to attract women with a "fake you?" I really don't think you'd be too happy if you had to put a facade up each time you're with girl, just to make her content and attracted to you. If they don't like you for you, then they're not worth it.

[ck]

@ Eternal

 

As a human I'm sure you can understand what it's like to feel lonely; it's so funny because I would think about it but it wouldn't had got to the boiling point like it did the day I made this post, and it's weird becuase it hit close to home that day. Everyone who knows me knows I'm not an emotional person; I barely cry at funerals. But I was reading post from a couple of guys in particular before I joined this site (and I just started visiting this page again yesterday) Otherwise the two times I visited this site was last year. Music is one of these guys I was reading, and I'm hearing about how dudes want to kill themselves over stuff like this and it got to me because I was/am still like that. Not in a sense I want to kill myself because I'm not that brave enough and I would have done it already(plus I don't want to mis any good experiences), but I broke down (not like screaming and wailing), but I thought about it and little tears literally started flowing and I went to sleep. Since yesterday I'm a little bit better now. I am laughing about that guy calling me a wooser or something like that

 

Something that if I told my so called friends or any of my family; they would probably get a good laugh from my expense. How long should a guy wait? Isn't 22 years enough. I don't want somebody to like the fake me, but what does it matter if nobody likes the real me?