Am I doing the right thing?

[blindreepr]

I've been doing NC for about 9 days now. In the past two days, my ex has called me atleast 3-4 times (which I didnt answer or return her calls) and tried to re-add me as a friend on myspace. I don't want to make it seem to obvious I am avoiding her, as that may make me seem weak, like I'm not over her, so tonight I shot her a myspace message saying

 

"Hey, is everything alright? I guess I missed like 3 or 4 of your calls. I've just been extremely busy this past week, running all over the place. I'm not trying to avoid ya, I've just been going a million miles a minute lately. So let me know whats going on and we can get everything taken care of

 

Talk to ya soon

 

Derek"

 

I'm sure nothing is wrong, none of her messages made it seem important, it just seemed like she wanted to talk. I'm not going to be her safety net though. I've kept my cell phone off the rest of the day, and told my parents if she calls to just say I'm not home.

 

I may give her a little bit of my time, but in small doses, and only when I am ready to do so. I won't be at her beckon call.

 

Edit: Damn, she sure replied fast! She sent back a message saying

 

"Hey,

I just wanted to know if you have heard anything about the rental deposit. I saw you on the 4th btw. "

 

She must know that its only been 4 business days since we turned the house over to them, ofcourse we are not going to find out about the deposit yet, and plus if that was the case why didn't she just leave a message saying that instead of "Doof, its boof, call me" (using our pet names). Seems like she is looking for an excuse. Maybe my message to her made her feel needy, because I pointed out she was the one calling me a lot, as if it was important, so she made up an important reason?? Who knows. I just think that if she was wanting to talk to me purely for business reasons, that she wouldn't of tried to readd me as a friend on myspace as well. I was obviously heavily on her mind tonight.

 

----2 days later----

 

Well, instead of myspacing her tonight I called her last night. Answered her question (told her as soon as I hear about the deposit I will let her know) and before I could get off the phone she asked me "what have you been doing that is keeping you so busy?" I gave a very generic answer, running around, working out, meeting new people, working on school, etc. Then she followed up with "Did you add me as a friend on myspace yet?" to which I replied that I havent been online near as much as I used to be, so I havent had a chance to yet. I ended the convo saying that I had to go and I told her Im sure I'll talk to her soon, but didnt imply that I would be the one making contact.

 

Where should I take it from here? I am planning on resuming NC, but its not easy as we do have some finaicial things to take care of. I dont plan on adding her as a friend on myspace either.

 

How do you find the balance between not being a safety net and still being somewhat available? How am I doing so far? Any advice, suggestions?

[InHiding]

It sounds like you know what you're doing. I think you are handling this perfectly. You aren't stomping all over her feelings, and you aren't letting her do it to you. You aren't showing her that you're hurting from the breakup either, which is smart.

 

I say keep going the way you are! Good luck!

[blindreepr]

I think I finally came to the conclusion that I don't want her back. I want boof (my pet name for her) back, but I dont want Beth back. The person she has become, the things she has done in the past month made me lose a whole lot of respect for her. I miss what we had, but I'm not sure that she would be able to go back to who she was. She has no reason to change right now as she is having too much fun looking for self confidence in alchohol and casual sex. I want someone who will be confident on their own merits, not what other people think of them because of how much they party and because of what they are willing to do with them in bed.

 

edit: if she asks me why I havent readded her on myspace yet how is this as a response?

 

why i didnt readd you as a friend on myspace. My profile is set to private for a reason. There are some things on there that I just don't want you to know or see. When you broke up with me you decided that you didnt want me in your life anymore. And now you want to be my friend on myspace to give you a window into what I'm doing. You made your bed, you have to sleep in it. If you want to be friends, lets be friends in real life, call me, hang out, lets do things that friends do. If you want to know whats going on in my life, then be apart of it, but I'm not going to let you stick your foot in the water before you completely jump in.

 

---------------------

 

I dont want it to seem like I want to only talk to her if she wants to get back together, but I want to make it clear that if we are going to be friends, it is going to be on my terms, and that I wont just be there for a safety net. I dont want to push her away, just make myself clear without being an * * * * * * * about it

[saltwatergirl]

Wrong. Don't send that. If she asks again just repeat what you already said...busy, not online much, etc. Keep it vague.

 

Salt

[iceman85]

Agreed your doing well, keep her guessing, as soon as she doesnt have to guess anymore you lose that mysterious quality. Just tell her that your doing great, meeting lots of great people. You havent gotten to myspace and its not really a priority but you appreciate that she wants to add you and you will soon. Something along those lines.

[blindreepr]

thanks for the advice, sending the letter probably isnt a good idea at all