Whats the best solution?

[traz]

I wasn't sure where to post this topic, so I put it here. Here's the situation.

 

There's this girl who I've seen on and off in the past, and now that I'm home for summer, I've started seeing her again. I've always had stronger feelings for her than she has had for me, and that might very well be the case now, although she tells me she really likes me.

 

While I was away at University, she became VERY...slutty. She would get drunk, and while drunk, she would fool around with alot of guys and have sex with pretty much the first guy interested. This happened for about 4 months, then she seemed to stop and regain control of herself. However, sometimes when she's drunk, she still gets into that mindset, and is VERY VERY flirty.

 

So for the past 2 weeks, I have been to her house, where she has been having parties. She has been asking me to go early and hang out and talk with her before hand, which I"ve done. She usually shows me alot of attention and flirts with me alot. However, once the night gets going and she's drunk, she'll start to completely cling to other guys and act like I'm not there. She'll be VERY physical with them, even kissing them at times, and a couple weeks ago I left kinda of mad, and she ended having sex with a random guy again after I left.

 

Each time this happens, she'll call me the next morning upset, and says that she doesn't know why she's like that but that she really likes me yada yada. This happened again this morning, but I got mad at her saying that she can't keep doing that and its unacceptable, and that I can't even be friends with someone who does that, because it shows that she has a COMPLETE disrespect for my feelings. She's displayed this time and time again, so I've come to the conclusion that she simply can't care enough...so I don't want to talk to her or hang out with her.

 

But I"ve been thinking about it alot, and my question is...is this reasonable? I want to make sure I"m not overreacting. We're not BF/GF at all, so she always tells me that I really have no right to get mad if she flirts with other guys. But its something that bothers me, because she tells me she likes me but completely contradicts that with her actions.

 

Any ideas/opinions/questions? I tried to make this as clear and short as possible, but there's alot of backstory and other factors so it was hard to say everything concisely.

[DN]

It is not at all unreasonable. I would drop her like a bad habit - apart from being entirely disrespectful there is a good chance that if you were to get together with her that she would give you an STD.

[Meow18]

She might like you, but she's having way too much fun right now, and probably for a long awhile, to have a boyfriend.

 

So basically, your choices are to stand around and watch her flirt with other guys and throw herself at them. Or try to avoid it.

 

She's the kind of girl I feel bad for, but yet I don't. She's not being smart by getting drunk and having sex and being really flirty. And she regrets it in the morning but yet does it again and again. If she really wanted to stop she would do something like not have parties, or put herself in positions where this will happen.

 

You have every right to not hang around her. If that's how you feel. Obviously you like her. And so what if she REALLY REALLY liked you? She obviously doesn't like you enough to not flirt and have sex with other guys.

 

I say to forget about this girl. She's in "party mode" these days. It's just not worth your time if you are looking for anything more than a friendship with her.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Is her name MY SISTER?

 

I think that's my sister. She does this same thing. It is completely reasonable for you to not want to associate with behaviour you disagree with.

 

I try to tell my sister that even her friends don't respect that...

[Anna.]

You aren't being unreasonable. She has no problem rubbing it in your face that she's sleeping wih other guys. It almost sounds to me like she's insecure and you make her feel better about herself because you genuinely care about her. But she tells you that she cares just so you'll hang around and build her ego up. You sound like a very nice guy who deserves alot better than her. And you are understanding and tolerant to put up wih her games so far. There are plenty of girls who would appreciate a nice understanding guy.

[traz]

ok, thanks guys. Sometimes you just need to hear it...when you care about someone, you tend to persuade yourself to just forget about the problems and forgive them for everything, but I don't think I should here, and its good to be reassured.

[Meow18]

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's hard to see it when you really care for someone. But you know that you deserve better than what she can offer you right now.