Blind-Sided

[need2bme]

-it doesn't mean they are a bad person, it just means their part in your story is over

 

That is the hardest part for me; believing it is over. I am sure that it is and the distance makes it that much harder. WE have to start feeling good about ourselves or no one else EVER will.

[flower99]

I totally Agree

Take the NC thing as a gift from God, It's for the best he's out of your life for good.

And the 'girl power thing' It does come after the tears.

Stay strong. i know you are, you endured a lot & you're going to come out of this stronger than before.

best wishes

[CheerfulSprocket]

Yeah he is not the one for me. But I really thought I was the one for him. I was a really good girlfriend. I tried really hard. I really was there for him. So WHY did he reject me? What is wrong with me. What was so flawed in me that the thought of being with me disgusted him so much that he had to disappear on me. This means that if he is not the one for me then by the same logic there is someone better out there for him too. Someone who will treat him better, love him better, relate to him better. What more did I need to be to be acceptable to him.

 

You know, I have no doubts that you were/are a great person, friend, and girlfriend. I think it's very difficult not to blame yourself sometimes in situations like this, but I also think it's important to keep in mind that both of you will find someone who is better suited. That does NOT mean that they will treat you better, love you better, or relate to you better. It just means that they'll do these things differently . You know?

 

I had an ex-bf that once told me that no one would ever love him the way that his ex-gf had because she called him every hour to tell him how much she loved him. And when I say every hour, I mean literally every hour. To me, this is not a better way to show your love for someone - in fact, to me, it would become very annoying very soon. But for him, that's what he wanted. I wasn't a bad person or a bad gf, but clearly he just wanted something else.

 

I really wouldn't keep beating yourself up over this, though I understand how hard it is not to. Just know that you are meant for even greater happiness down the line.

 

Spro

[CheerfulSprocket]

oh yeah, one other thing. In addition to not tying your self-worth (in any way) to this guy, I agree with all the previous posters who stated that he is horrendous, has treated you deplorably, and is just bad news all the way around. Consider yourself lucky that you got out in the nick of time. His time will come, have no doubt about that.

 

Spro

[saltwatergirl]

I understand what you are thinking. I don't think I could have done anything more than I did to prove to someone that I really was meant for them! That I really could make them happy. Pick me pick me!!! However, in the end, we can't change other people, we can't fix people, and we can't make someone love us. We just can't.

 

Why did it have to happen? We might never know that. Maybe so you will appreciate all the wonderful things that the future boyfriend does. Maybe to help you better define what kind of guy you REALLY want. Maybe to help you pass on guys who cross your path when you see the red flags in the beginning. Maybe to help you start drawing your line in the sand. I used to not have a line. Now I do. I think that's a worthwhile lesson.

 

Relationships are a two way street. You did everything. So now, next time, you won't let yourself get put in this position again. That's one thing you've learned. I am sure there are others. Might help to start a journal and write them all down as they come to you. What else have I learned about myself? Put the focus on you, not him not the relationship. It's about self discovery. Use this as a catalyst to start really understanding yourself. I think it might help you find your way out of the fog.

 

Maybe this happened for a reason much bigger than you might think.

 

Salt

[saltwatergirl]

If he isn't the one for me then that equally means I am not the one for him. This is what I am having a hard time letting go.

 

Why? He is a user and a manipulator. Of course you aren't meant for him. You're meant for much much better. You deserve much more. No, you AREN'T meant for him. And that is a good thing, girl. Not a bad thing.

 

Here's a lyric for you:

 

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when youre talkin to the man upstairs

That just because he doesnt answer doesnt mean he dont care

Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

 

Salt

[MeLe]

I am reading and re-reading all the posts. Thanks for all the advice so far. I know that the fuzzy thoughts in my head will begin to clear soon. I know that are great men out there. I read thier posts here all the time. Caring men, sensitive ones so I know that there are good people on earth. I will just have to look at myself and see why I drew my ex into my life. Re-examine my life.

 

He called again. I know I got some advice to answer and tell him to hit the road, but I also know I am too weak to do it right now. It is better I just let him think that I fell off the face of the earth . Also, I just found out I have to go to Vancouver for business, so that will be a nice break. I think being in the apartment we shared for two years is messing with my mind. I still listen to hear his key in the door.

 

Okay ladies and gents, enough pity pot for me. Let the healing being.

[CheerfulSprocket]

I still listen to hear his key in the door.

 

Okay, not to be too literal minded here, but you have changed your locks, right? If not, I would do this immediately.

 

Sending you good thoughts on getting over this,

 

Spro

[MeLe]

And still the sun rises. And tonight it will set. Thank God for consistency. I tried to stay out of the house last night as much as possible. It was my mom's B-day so I just stayed at her place with my family enjoying the simple pleasure of family. It is easier then moping around and empty house, holding the phone in my hand praying he calls so I can get some answer.

 

I realize that even if he did call and I poured my heart out and made some profound statement about what he did, it wouldn't make one iota of difference. He turned away from him, he was never with me.

 

Hey Salt,

 

BTW Thanks for the sermon. I highly recomend it anyone hurting. The funny thing is I am a Muslim, and the best advice I have received so far is from some great Christians, yourself included. I have listened to it twice so far, and am planning another listen tonight.

[saltwatergirl]

I realize that even if he did call and I poured my heart out and made some profound statement about what he did, it wouldn't make one iota of difference. He turned away from him, he was never with me.

 

 

Exactly. Thanks, I needed to hear that today.

 

Salt