Why do I push men away???

[emma16]

I have come to a realization today. I have been hurt really bad by a guy that I dated three years ago and every relationship after that I pushed guys until they would leave or at least hate me.

 

I have done it again with someone that I only had a casual relationship with things were great for four months and then about two months ago I pushed issues that i knew he didn't want like a relationship and a ton of things. I did it beucase I started to like him and am so affraid to be hurt agian.

 

Lastnight I talked with this guys brother and I know I do this I don't know how to stop I have ruined every chane of being frieds with this person or every having anything with him. He things I am nuts maybe I am. I do this on purpous and I wish I never have becuase I do like this person alot. His brother even told me today that his brother likes me alot thinks I am a great girl but he never thought I would be like this.

 

I have no clue how to fix this becasue I am affraid to talk to him in public I text message him which is a big no no.

 

I hate myself for this and I don't know how to change it. What do I do??

[friscodj]

I did it beucase I started to like him and am so affraid to be hurt agian.

 

This is your answer to your question right here I believe.

 

Now what can you do about it? A situation like this is a perfect candidate for counseling. You really should talk to a pro about this. The longer you wait and keep going down this path the more deeply rooted your behaviors become. It turns to habit, you come to expect it, and you end up going for bad guys who treat you poorly...at best...and life becomes miserable. I have a friend who is like this. She is 37 and a relationship nightmare. Same situation, pushes the good guys away, freaks out, total head case...I dated her by the way...

 

I'd nip this in the bud right here. Go see a couselor ASAP. It will really help I think.

[Momene]

It's easy to label members of the sex you're attracted to as "bad" but people aren't all the same. One thing they do have in common is that most of them won't stay with you for life. My longest relationships are 17 years (still going), nearly 6 years and then 10 months.

 

Hopefully when the time comes to split, it doesn't end in nastiness or cheating but I have to admit, mostly, it does.

 

Hopefully one day you'll get through all that and find a lifetime partner. You have to keep trying, though.

[robowarrior]

Well if you had a negative experience and you fall on the ground, do you keep on laying on the ground forever? You can't do such a thing, for life goes on and you have to walk on in order to progress and reach the finish line. And yes you might get hurt by another guy, you see life is like a mine field, you have to avoid as many mines as possible, but that doesn't mean that life is impossible or that EVERY guy is like your previous. Fear is a state of hell that keeps you stuck in one place. You want to move forward and climb up, for a top position is better life then a low position. No pain no gain, and you always miss if you never shoot right?

[Armyguy3682003]

Hey, I know how you feel. I feel that I am going through the same things you are. I seem to do something to always push the girls I really like away. I dont know what I do, becasue unfortunately your sex doesnt like to tell men like myself what we do wrong. Its like a code not to and just fade away. Its like when your mad and we men ask whats wrong and your return by screaming, "I'm fine", sure? Anyways, I feel for you girl. I feel as though Im meant to be alone since I always push the girls I see away. Im afraid to find someone else because I always seem to be getting my heart crushed and getting pretty tired of it. Being 34 doesnt help, because I feel I am getting so close to 40 and still havent found someone that wants to be in relationship, Im not saying marriage, but something that last longer than 3 months, that hardly a relationship, but more than getting to know someone and boom, their gone. I feel my last relationship I didnt give enough and this one, I gave too much. So I dont know what I do wrong, but scare them away to someone elses arms. This girl I am seeing now, well I guess you could say seeing (barely anymore) feel head over heals for me and then boom, doesnt return my calls, my IM's, etc. So, here I go again, another broken heart, feeling depressed and it really sucks and getting tired of this. Well, try to keep your head up. Brian

[Mun]

Hey there Emma. I think you might need some time to yourself to work out all the baggage from your past relationships. Some personal healing time. During this maybe you should ask yourself honestly if you want a relationships and what you would be willing to do to have one. As in : Compromise rather than argue & push others away.

 

I believe there are many people who are lonely out there because they have the same fears you have. I was one of them for a long time and I also pushed people away---in so many ways Work it out with yourself. Heal yourself and then you will be ready for that great relationship.

[shelly7]

Yeah, I hear you I'm going through a break up. I was lied to and cheated on. I'm trying the counseling thing, because I already feel that I'm going to have trust issues in the future. However, I think that awareness (of whatever your baggage may be) is the most crucial step to healing and getting ready for your next relationship. We all have our demons in the closet, just acknowledge them and maybe they won't be so scary. (I'm hoping)

[emma16]

I am already on medication for this I strated it three days ago. This has become a routine for me I have it down to a science. The thing is I never really thought about it until now.

 

This person was someone that I would have loved to at least been friends with and now we can't look at each other we live in a small town and I don't even want to see him i am positive that he doesn't want to see me.

 

We even play on the same ball team and I don't want to go to that beucase I feel so stupid for what I did.

 

It's all a mental thing and FEAR. I am scared to take a chance on someone.

 

I am positive that him and I will never talk again and that really sucks beucase I am friends with his family and I don't even want to go around tot he bar that they own. His brother said I can't take this out on his family and not come around that it would be wrong.

 

I am not taking it out on the family I just don't want to see him. I love playing softball and now I ahve to quit that too..

[friscodj]

I am already on medication for this I strated it three days ago.

 

They put you on drugs for this?

 

I'm no medical expert but that sounds freaking ridiculous. Another example of the pharmaceutical companies creating drug addicts of us all. It's a conspiracy I'm convinced...

 

I think you'd benefit more from putting your nose to the grindstone and dealing with this without the drugs...

[emma16]

Yes they have me on medication. I believe I am just more depressed about other things going on in my life. Like nothing is going right and they just want me to start feeling better.

 

I want to stop doing this to men too. I know what I am doing it is like a routine the last three years. I don't want to fear being hurt I want to learn how to take that chance.

 

From having one relationship where I trusted someone and they competely broke that trust while I was living with them repeatedly. I can be with a guy but the minute they say they like me alot or i start to develop feeling I do things that will push them so far.

 

It's just this time I feel so bad because this guy was very nice at one point and we got along great now we can't even be in the same place at the same time without alot of tension.