Questions.

[rachel1256]

Hello everyone,

 

I want to start out saying that i am doing MUCH better since I have not contaced my ex for the past week.

 

Like I've said in my other posts, he has made 3 lame attempts to contact me, saying in each email that he misses me, but does not follow up in any way. So, the last email he sent me on Thurs saying simply "i miss you" I replied back with, "i hope you are well, have a great rest of the weekend, you are in my thoughts." I know it was dumb to say he was in my thoughts, but I wanted to make this as civil as possible, but everyone tells me, including this forum, that he doesn't deserve anything.

 

So, he didn't respond for most of the evening, but I didn't wait around to see if he would because i blocked him completely from my email that night. So far, he has not called me, maybe he has tried to email me, but I wouldn't know

 

Anyways, I found out he is on a dating sight, and many people have told me this is common for men like this. I even read a post of someone who's ex did the same thing... Anyways, it may be to get my attention, or to just get with girl after girl, since this is not his first time doing this to me, but either way, its sick!

 

Im wondering since he is on the lame dating sight, should I believe he's left me alone? Others have given me some great advice, and said probably not, but Im still contemplating about changing my phone number. I should probably stop contemplating and do it as many have said, but since he didn't call me once all weekend, or for the whole week for that matter, do you think he has found another 'victim."

 

Its weird, Im really not even that upset, a little hurt, but it just shows what an uncaring, sick man he is. Good luck to the new girl, if he has even found one at all...

 

thanks so much, and sorry to keep asking questions that may seem repetitive. It just seems like ive made so much good progress, and since he hasn't called me for a week, maybe he is gone for good.

[AwdreeHpburn]

rachel - i doubt he is gone for good. But even if he HAS moved on to a new "victim" that doesn't mean you are out of the water. In moments of loneliness or sadness, he'll prolly still reach out to you.

 

I personally think the only way for YOU to heal, is to block him completely. Just get over it for YOU. I totally understand your position, but I think you should change your numbers and keep him blocked on e-mail.

 

Good luck. Keep us posted.

[rachel1256]

you are right. I just thought i would wait till the weekend ended, then post new, and see if I still should change my number.

 

deep down i know the answer too, i just have never done this before, so I thought i would ask others' opinions. so far, everyone has echoed the same answer...

 

he may have found someone new, but if he treats her anything like he did me, it won't be pretty... He only gets older, and more set in his ways.. scary thought, but i won't be around to see it.

 

thanks

[Pikey1972]

Hello there Rachel,

 

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better after a week of NC: keep up the good work!

 

Your post really struck a chord with me, in that my ex was also e-mailing me on a daily basis and calling quite a lot. I decided to go NC after I saw his profile on two dating sites...the last time we met up he asked me if I'd been on any dates, and said he'd e-mailed a couple of girls but hadn't had any replies...it's at that point I decided to go NC as I didn't want to hear about any of his exploits.

 

My advice would be to carry on as you are with NC: blocking his e-mail address is a good start, as it stops you checking your e-mails obsessively (as I was doing ;-))

 

I wouldn't go as far as to change your phone number though, as this can be very time-consuming (you have to inform all your friends and family of the new number, plus he hasn't been calling you or harassing you - I'd only change the number if the calls became persistent and/or threatening / abusive). Do you have an answerphone service, or caller display?

 

Also, try not to think too much about why he hasn't contacted you or whether he's met another girl. Try to focus on yourself and on healing: you can't second-guess what he's up to or thinking. Our imagination can be our best friend as well as our worst enemy....try not to imagine what he MAY be up to...)

 

That's also the point of NC - helping you move on without having to hear what he's up to!

 

I hope this has been of some help - hang on in there!

 

Hugs,

 

Pikey

[Sad_now]

Hi Rachel,

I have been following your posts and I am in the same position as you. Went out with a horrible player who had no time for my feelings or needs, had several break-ups with him, the most recent once happened a month ago and this time I told him I didn't want to stay in touch or be friends. He still acted like we were going out, even though HE had told me he didn't want to see me any more. This time I changed my number (even though he didn't call me).

 

I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. I feel bad. Betrayed. Even though I am the one who has cut off the source of contact, I feel awful and deserted. Even though he is with someone I KNOW he will hurt (and whom he left for me two years ago - but tried to see her anyway later) I can't help thinking I wish he were seeing me...

 

..but you know what, something in me is healing. I am sad, but sleeping better at night. I miss him, but I now have mental peace. I feel normal again and sometimes catch myself humming songs even though I have been dumped! I would suggest that you DO change your number. You can't believe the HUGE difference it makes. It's psychological, but a REAL step in defining your new life. Good luck.

[rachel1256]

Sadnow, I'm so sorry to hear you are in the same position I am in, but Im super happy to hear you are out. You are so wise in making all the necessary steps to be rid of your ex. It will pay off soon, even though you are hurting now.

 

My ex actually called me yesterday. I had blocked his email, so supposedly he had emailed me, who knows what, but he called me yesterday morning sounding really down, saying he doesn't know where I'm at, what I'm doing, but just call him. I should be doing STRICT NC, but I finally called him back. He was with his buddy, and I asked if I should call him back. He said, "no, I can talk." I just told him to call me back when his friend left.

 

He said he would. He never did. I was strong, didn't let that get me down, didn't call him back, because you know what, all he was trying to do was make sure i was still "into him" and that was not the case at all. It probably shocked him that I didn't even call him or text him why he didn't call me back. Oh well... I had a weak moment and I felt bad so I finally called him back.

 

You sadnow, are wise in changing your number. I have just been really strong, and Im not letting him get to me, but then again, he hasn't been super persistent. IF he does, I WILL change my cell immediately.

 

I hope you are doing better. It really does become easier each day! I have my moments, and I probably will for a while, but those sad moments are nothing compared to the hurt he made me feel by cussing at me, ignoring me, throwing me out of his house then not letting me back. It was awful, and Im sure you know the feeling.

 

I guarantee you that the small moments of peace you feel will multiply into hours, days, then to the point where you can't stop smiling with the freedom you will feel.