Why Is This?

[Cute Band Rat]

I noticed by reading many of these threads that men and women deal with breakups on different timetables.

 

Seems women deal with the hardest part of a breakup in beginning ...and take it the hardest at first. Whereas it doesn't tend to affect guys until it seems like the girl is either over him or almost over him. Usually weeks or months AFTER the breakup. Why is this? Do guys tend to compartmentalize things and women don't? Anyway, just curious.

[iceman85]

Well I don't really know but in my case, my girlfriend would express concerns about us and I would just tell her things would get better and I would just chalk it up to a bad day and that all we needed was to see each other and things would be fine. And they seemed that way because things would seem to get better. We loved each other and I figured that we could get over any problems we were facing, when the breakup came it surprised me becasue I didn't think we would ever let a fixable problem get the better of us.

[Cute Band Rat]

Or maybe they think the girl is not serious or strong enough to go through with the break up so whe she does and doesn't come crawling back..he knows it's for real??

[AwdreeHpburn]

I didn't notice that Cute Band Rat. I'll have to pay attention.

 

I'm under the impression tho - that that's prolly a generalisation. I'd be willing to bet that it's a really individual thing and not gender based.

 

Of course, I've been wrong sooooo very many times that it could be quite the opposite.

[RayKay]

I think you will in many cases the opposite is true, but here is my observations on why you may see that more commonly.

 

I think in general it's more accepted for woman to be very emotional about it, and they tend to have a lot of immediate support in friends and family to go through those emotions early on.

 

At the same time in general terms, men are brought up learning to keep more stoic, to be strong and not show those emotions. They may not deal with things right away.

 

In either case, sometimes the dumper has also gone through many of the emotions already as they have thought of ending it for a while. They have maybe tried to discuss the issue many times with no resolve, and sort of dealt with it through time, whereas for the dumpee it's often sudden. So one either is crushed, or in shock, and may react differently depending on which.

[DCMann2]

Well, in my case, my ex cried over it for a day, maybe two, and then she got over it. I cried about it every day for nearly a week, and then a few times about two or three weeks after the fact. I took the split MUCH harder than she did, because I felt (and I still feel) that she was the love of my life. The fact that I love her so much makes things very difficult for me at times (since she has a new bf already), but I'm not letting this get in the way of my life. After a period of NC (about two weeks) she initiated contact, and we've been in limited contact since then, and while it's hard, I show her that I'm strong, happy, and moving on with my life and other such things, and I know for a fact that she thinks about me. I'll be going out with another girl when she gets back from Europe this week, which I think is something I really need right now. When my ex finds out (I'm sure she will...she's very smart) she might panic and feel that she'll lose me forever, and she may want to start talking about reconciling. Then again, she might not. Either way, I'm moving on with my life, regardless of how hard it is.