Going from a great first date to an even better second one...

[Lansing]

So, as a quick followup to my thread "do girls want a confirmation before a first date", I did call her the day of the date....She seemed to be happy that I called her... I kept it very brief...

 

Anyway, the first date was great... Total chemistry,etc.etc....

 

Now, the thing is, sometimes I have a great first date, and the second one is only "so-so"... (or worse.. bad)...I think in those situations though, maybe the connection wasn't as strong as I thought....This girl seems to be very on the ball though....

 

So, on to the second date.... Any tips on not running out of things to say?? I like just joking around a lot and talking about everything and anything.... I am looking forward to seeing her again but, I guess part of me is just a bit worried that the second date won't live up to the "spark" of the first date

[itsthatguy]

For my second date I didn't make it a date-date, I made it like an all-day affair. Me and her met up for a drink at lunch time, went to an early afternoon baseball game, had a very casual dinner at a small thai place around here, walked around downtown checking out all the neat little shops, and then went to see a comedy show at night. It's not a standard dinner-movie-home type run of the mill date, so she really seemed to like it. As for the spark, if it's there in your personality it's going to happen no matter what kind of a date you go on. You can't force easy conversation on somebody, it's just not the nature of the beast. If there's a real connection the conversation will flow easy, if there's no real connection it might be a bit stunted. It's a good thing then that we have multiple dates with people, and don't just jump from one date to marriage

[nicorette]

i think the best advice i can give you is when youre on the date just to relax and enjoy yourself. that way, if silent moments do come up, theyll seem natural and not awkward. youll only get more stressed and nervous if you keep thinking about what you should say, and planning everything, because itll never go according to plan. id say just go for it, be confident and shell have a great time. good luck.

[shamus]

i just had a great first date saturday night...we were set up by a friend, we talked on the phone for a few days prior things were natural...went smooth...date was great...we went to a bar to watch the hockey game(we are both huge fans) then went to play pool air hockey, and finally bowling both activities we enjoy

 

talked today, we are going to meet for lunch for a second date on wednesday...very casual, brief(will be about anhour and a half), but it gives us a chance to kinda chill and just have a little quality time...

 

im looking onward of the 3rd date and what to do then.

as another poster said if there is chemistry, things will flow naturally

 

some conversation tips

-talk about where you are, the music in the place, etc.

-get a little deeper as far as get to know you questions

-crack a few jokes

-tell some funny stories

-obviously find more common interests

-you can talk about vacations/places you've travelled, movies, sports, tv shows(seinfeld references usually work), what your dream job would be

-avoid religion and politics as those are usually heated topics, wait until you really get to know them and are comfy with them

-if you run out of things to say, just try to get them to talk about themselves and see what they say, usually people love to talk aout themselves, so find out things they are passionate about, and ask more questions...why do you like such and such, what does it mean to you etc.

[Dating Coach]

Here is some advice Poco was giving for going on a first date.

 

1. The date. Do something that has low cost and low entertainment value. For example, meeting at a Starbucks for a coffee or an upscale and quiet bar for a drink is a great idea because it allows the two of you to sit and talk to each other. In addition, it should not cost you a lot. If you were to date ten women and took each one for a drink, that would potentially cost you $10 a date. However, if you took those ten dates to dinner and a movie, at a cost of $50 each, that's a lot more. From the perspective of cost, the whole point is not to buy random women meals but to get to know her. So money should not be a factor in first dates. In addition, if you avoid venues like movies and concerts, etc., you can be assured that you have not met a woman who is just going out with you because her other boyfriend (who she "forgot" to mention) is out of town and she is bored. Finally, if you do go someplace with low entertainment value (i.e., not a sports bar with 42 TV's) she and you will not be distracted. Instead, you can sit and talk to each other and get to know who likes what, etc.

 

Now if the date goes bad, you are also not locked into a big meal and have not wasted $22 on two movie tickets. Or whatever those ridiculous costs are at the movie theater!!! You're really only out the $5 for her drink, as you consumed yours.

 

If you do go to a bar, be SURE not to (1) get drunk (2) order shots.

 

2. Check her out - CAREFULLY. When your date arrives, you should make a note of how she presents herself. Don't be obvious, but get a basic idea. This will be an indicator of her interest level in you which is very important. Plain and simple, if she shows up in sweatpants, a t-shirt, and her hair back in a ponytail and has no makeup on, you can bet she's not interested in impressing you. I would say this means your date should be the one drink but you may want to consider nothing else. You'll probably quickly gather from the conversation that she's not interested anyway.

 

However, if she shows up with a clean outfit, nicely done hair and makeup, nice shoes, nails done, and otherwise looking great you can bet that she spent an hour or more getting ready. The only reason why she would do that would be to impress and attract you. That is a very good sign. So, for example, if she walks in and everyone stops and looks, that's a good thing.

 

Very important: While you should compliment her, you should compliemnt her EFFORT and not her existence. So a good compliment would be "You look very nice tonight." A bad compliment would be "You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and you look hot." I would also recommend that you give her only one compliment for the entire date. Don't be a "Yes man" like you see on TV. Keep it real. Just relax. She heard you and you don't need to repeat yourself.

 

You should, of course, also be dressed nicely but in your own style that makes you feel comfortable. Nice shoes are a must, as is a LITTLE cologne (she should only be able to smell it if she hugs you, not from 3 feet away), and - of course - be SURE your breath is nice. Brush your teeth AND your tongue (or get a tongue scraper.) I cannot emphasize how important this is as, regretfully, I had bad breath on my first date and did not know. Believe it or not, she told me that was my only flaw and she could live with it, so you may get lucky but don't risk it!

 

3. Topic of conversation. First, you need to learn that just about everything to do with your car, computer, job, religion, political views, and other stuff that is boring or controversial should be *strictly* off limits at this point. Your goal is to not bore her to death! You should also focus on positive, fun, and entertaining topics. So no blood and guts, no talk about Saddam Hussein unless you're talking about the Southpark movie and she brought it up and loves it, no guns, no crime, no sex jokes or crimes, stuff like that. Do NOT talk like a creep. Do NOT talk about ex GF's or BF's, no blatent sex jokes, and other offensive topics.

 

You have to remember one thing: You are here to get to know HER. Now I know a lot of guys say "Oh, I'd be so happy if ANY woman liked me and I would do anything to date so-and-so" but that is a crazy concept. Women are not all perfect - they are human, just like you or I. They do crazy things just like us. They may do things that are downright offensive. Your job is to find out on a high level if she is SANE. You do this by asking her lots of questions, and then getting her to expand on them. Such as "So, have you lived around here long? Really? Where did you live before that? What was your favorite part of living there?" Etc. If she starts to let you know that she's a drug user who goes to clubs and takes a different guy home every week... well, I would not want to date a woman like that. In the end, you want to talk away knowing 100x as much about her as she does you.

 

4. Don't act like a creep. This means that you look her in the eyes. You do NOT look at her body, nor do you comment on it. You do NOT look at other women, nor do you flirt with them. You do not blow smoke in her face. You do not TOUCH her until after you have kissed her (later). You need to act like a gentleman, being polite and mature. Open doors for her. Be kind. If you get a drink that is made wrong, send it back and get it fixed. If someone is rude to you, move to another seat.

 

If you get into a fight at the bar, I can just about guarantee your relationship with her will be short lived. The same goes for driving like a maniac, blasting the music in the car which she hates, or spitting on the ground. Being rude is also a deal breaker, so shape up and behave like an adult!

 

5. Find out if she likes you. The most important thing is to determine if she has an interest level in YOU. Does she ask you personal questions? Like what your name is, how old you are, where you live, if you are single, if you are employed, if you like children or small animals, etc. Does she look you in the eye as well? Does she sit/stand close to you, facing you? Or does she lean back, stay back, with her arms crossed? Is she talking to other guys (note: end the date there)? Is she flirting with you ... or the bartender? The simple reality is that she should be doing things to make you like her, and if she doesn't then she probably doesn't care, and that means she is using you for a free drink.

 

6. Flirt. Joke. Have fun. Never be serious. Be confident in a funny way. That means that you need to lighten up and be yourself, but at the same time avoid serious topics. If she asks how old you are, make her guess. If she asks what you do for a living, avoid the cliche "If I tell you I'd have to kill you" but instead say that you do something that is as outrageous as you think you can get away with. Then see if she "catches" you. If she doesn't wait a minute or two and let her know. For example, I may tell her that I'm a lumberjack. Of course, I'm not a muscle man, so any woman with half a brain should say "Bull!" and then we can have a good laugh. I generally don't talk about work too much, though, other than to say I am a manager at such-and-such government agency and it's a good job. Any more details are boring.

 

7. End the date. At the end of the date, you should understand that the one thing she expects is for you to try and kiss her. This requires you to walk her to her door and then, when the two of you stop talking, all you have to do is lean in very slowly and then stop a little way from her face. If she leans into you as well, there is your kiss. I'd recommend a dry, gentle, on the lips kiss. No tongue. At this point you STILL should not have touched her all night, but instead watched to see if she touched you (which signals interest level) but now you may want to gently put a hand around her back or neck. For only a few seconds. You'll, of course, have to play that by ear, I cannot advise you on that!

 

8. Set up another date. And the end of the date, if things went well, be sure to let her know that you would like to go on another date but will call her. Don't tell her when and where yet, because I doubt you've planned it yet. This will give you some time to think what to do next. Anyway, I would recommend waiting 1-3 days to call her again and set up another date.

 

9. Finally, I would *strongly* reccommend avoiding email and phone for long conversations. They do not lend themselves well to romantic situations, so instead you should use them as they are intended - for short exchanges and to set up times to go on another date.

 

So, I hope that helps. Let us know how it goes!

[jumper71]

For a second date see a movie or a band or go to a game. Something that you don't have to be constantly talking to each other as you don't want to burn out. Also gives you something to talk about. Also try to mix it up and do a couple or a few things. Meet up for a drink, go out to eat, then see a movie, or reverse. Better yet, go to a game early in the day, then go out to eat somewhere, then walk it off. An amusement park is also good as you'll be going on rides and playing games that will get you laughing and smiling.

[Dating Coach]

For a second date see a movie or a band or go to a game. Something that you don't have to be constantly talking to each other as you don't want to burn out. Also gives you something to talk about. Also try to mix it up and do a couple or a few things. Meet up for a drink, go out to eat, then see a movie, or reverse. Better yet, go to a game early in the day, then go out to eat somewhere, then walk it off. An amusement park is also good as you'll be going on rides and playing games that will get you laughing and smiling.

 

Well, if you two have the ability to burn out on the second date then the relationship is likely doomed anyway. A relationship with potential is a relationship where you can talk and talk and talk and enjoy each others company. My fiance' and I have been together 3 years and living together one year, and we still can talk all day and have more to talk about.