Just Starting Having Sex...

[Jabbe]

At first is was a little difficult (tightness and breaking her hymen), but now we are finally able to have sex and it feels really good.

 

Last Thurday was our 2nd time. She bled before this, but she bled a bit more the last time. I don't really know why she would bleed again unless I didn't really break her hymen that 1st time. Would it be a good idea to let her vagina "rest" or should we keep at it to get her body used to it? Any idea what it could be?

 

She has also told me that sometimes it hurts when I go too deep, but the pain feels good. I'm pretty sure that I'm not hitting her cervix because I never feel anything stopping me from penetrating. I'm 7inches and she can fit it all in. Why do you think it would hurt to go deep?

[RayKay]

Well, the cervix won't "stop" you from penetrating necessarily - I mean it will a certain point but not necessarily in your case. The vagina is normally only 3-4 inches long, but can "lengthen" to accommodate. You can still bruise/hit her cervix with vigorous sex even if you don't feel you are hitting something...if you are entering her fully and are above 4 or 5 inches, you are very possible going to be contacting her cervix, more than that and almost guaranteed you are.

 

I would be careful about her saying the pain feels good just to not offend you. While there is a pain/pleasure thing with sex, hitting the cervix usually does not feel great!

 

Bleeding can occur from hitting the cervix, from tearing (especially if there it not enough lube) or if there is still some of the hymen intact.

 

She can have sex again when she feels she wants to.

 

I hope you are using birth control/protection and I really recommend she go to talk to a gynecologist as well soon, she will have to get regular pap smears/exams now that she is sexually active.

[Jabbe]

Thanks for your reply!

 

As for the pain, she's not the type to lie to me. I will stop going deep though. Sometimes she tells me to, but at other times she says "too deep." This is what confuses me. I definitely don't want her in any pain at all, so I'll just go halfway.

 

So, it can actually lengthen? I didn't know this. I thought it only widens. Is it possible that it can lengthen enough to fully accommodate me or is it limited?

 

Yes we are using protection and she is on the pill. (^_^)

[Jabbe]

I was also curious as to what a pap smear is.

 

???

[RayKay]

Yes, it lengthens, and an accommodate you.

 

Also, during the different points of her cycle, she may find other times may be more "painful" then others. The cervix changes positions through one's cycle - this will be minimized as she is on the pill, but there can still be changes in it's hardness/softness and how high up it is. If she was not on pill for example, her cervix would be up higher during ovulation, and lower after her period.

 

Just listen to her, if she is okay with deeper thrusts thats fine, but if she isn't another day, that's fine too! Sometimes deeper can feel good, othertimes it may just be more sensitive and not as pleasurable, so listen to her!

 

A pap smear is when they take swabs of cervical cells for examination in the labratory. They check for signs of STI's, pre-cancerous cells, and so forth. When you are sexually active, you are at a higher risk for HPV for example, which can lead to cervical cancer. They also usually will do an internal exam at the same time to make sure everything looks and feels healthy - meaning an absense of fibroids, swelling, tumourous, etc. It is VERY important once you are sexually active to be going for annual exams (or sometimes more or less frequent at consultation of doctor but that needs to be discussed with them).

[Jabbe]

Thanks for the information! I will definitely run it by her.

 

I've heard stories about people hitting one's cervix and thought of it makes me feel a little sick for some reason. I cringe a little too. She communicates and is for some reason worried about pleasuring me.

 

There's one more thing. Since we just started, she's also curious about orgasm. I find that this will be very difficult because she expects me to find out how her body works for her (she has never masturbated and seems to never will). That's a lot of pressure.

 

I've given her oral before and she liked it. The second time I did it, I wasn't exactly gentle with her clitoris.

 

When it comes to orgasm, is there anything that can be suggested? The only thing I can think of is finding something she likes and to just keep doing it.

[Lily04]

Just curious, how old are you & your girlfriend? This will be the same position I'm in in a bit... I haven't gone to the gyno. yet, haven't seen a need! But I find this thread very helpful, so thanks for asking. I've also never had an orgasm and don't masturbate often... so I'm sorta clueless with respect to all of this as well.

 

I'm glad that you and your gf seem very supportive of each other though, and are willing to learn & have sex responsibly! That's great to hear... so that's why I thought you two might be more mature than other teens.

 

Cheers,

 

Lily

[RayKay]

 

There's one more thing. Since we just started, she's also curious about orgasm. I find that this will be very difficult because she expects me to find out how her body works for her (she has never masturbated and seems to never will). That's a lot of pressure.

 

She really has to learn what works for her. It is very hard to know what will get her there, unless she knows herself, and is "free enough" mentally herself in her sexuality.

 

While there are some general "standards" like clitoral stimulation, it really is 90% mental, and the pressure really should not be on YOU to figure it out. She really does have to learn what will work for her and give you some tips on what to do.

[Jabbe]

Hi, and thanks for your kind comments!

 

I'm 20 and she's 18. We've known each other for quite some time and let the sexual aspect of our relationship build on its own. I must say that it's great to be able to share myself with the one I love! (^_^)

 

When it comes to orgasm, my opinion is that one should know how his/her body works in terms of building the sensation to reach it. I feel that I haven't made her orgasm (body language), and found it strange when to told me that I must have made her at least 5 times (in one "session"). This didn't sound right at all. That's how I came to the conclusion that she has no idea how she works down there. She didn't even know where her clitoris was located, and basically wanted me to find it for her (same with her hymen). It's just strange when she asks me questions about her own body. I'm a guy!

 

It puts so much pressure on me because I don't have a clue about working her body in a way to make her orgasm. I don't know what she likes, thereforeeee all I can do is experiment since she isn't willing to.

 

The only advice I can give on that topic is based on what I've learned. When it comes to masturbation find a spot, technique, and rhythm you like and stick to it until it builds. I also believe it to be more mental than physical as well, and that this is why it can be difficult for some. I can only orgasm when I focus purely on the feeling of whatever the sexual activity may be. I really don't know if women work the same way.

[locolady]

its great to hear you being so clued up and with such great communication.....these things will lead to a great sex life im sure. It just takes time to find out what feels good for you both....just relax it sounds like youre doing everyting right! As for pleasuring her, just take your time, try some things and keep communicating, i used to read magazines which often have sex tips in....try things out and see if you both like them. I started having sex at 16 but never pleasured myself until 22 - i think girls often come to this as they get older and more confident with their own body - then she will be more able to tell you what she wants you to do. before i was too shy to be explicit and preferred to move his hand towards certain areas. Be conscious of what she does to you, she may want you to do the same. Other than that, keep enjoying yourself and you guys will have a lot of fun!

[Jabbe]

She really has to learn what works for her. It is very hard to know what will get her there, unless she knows herself, and is "free enough" mentally herself in her sexuality.

 

While there are some general "standards" like clitoral stimulation, it really is 90% mental, and the pressure really should not be on YOU to figure it out. She really does have to learn what will work for her and give you some tips on what to do.

 

You're absolutely right. I'm sure we can get through this by talking more about it. In my opinion, her views on sex are strange. You may as well say that she thinks all men should be expert lovers like they make them out to be in movies.

[Jabbe]

...It just takes time to find out what feels good for you both....just relax it sounds like youre doing everyting right! As for pleasuring her, just take your time, try some things and keep communicating...

 

Thanks! I find that very comforting! I'll just keep going slow and trying to find what she likes as well. She's been very supportive, but I need her to open up just a little more.

[locolady]

if it helps, ive been thinking about when i first starting having sex, looking back i reckon i just laid there! honestly, i didnt have a clue what i liked, id never had an orgasm, i honestly just didnt know what to tell him! After a while though, i began to find out for myslef what i liked - if she likes oral i'd recommend doing a whole lot of that - i personally think thats the most liberating thing for a woman, when you can accept you love that and feel comfortable with it (it feel so intimate to have his face there) thats when you start to open up. Let her know that you enjoy doing that, for me accepting that he liked doing it was the most important step for our sexual relationship, i relaxed then and things got much better. This was into my 20's though i'll admit!

[Jabbe]

Thanks! It helps!

 

I'll find out how she likes oral first, then move on to intercourse once it gets better. Focusing on one thing at a time should definitely make things easier! (^_^)