I'm really sick need help

[johnson10]

I am ashamed to write this but i really need more viewpoints on this and i cant bare to tell anyone I know.

 

I very recently met someone and seem to get on quite well, as friends with a possible view to starting a relationship.

 

We have been out twice and with things getting slightly closer, now in their own way they have let me know that they have a quite superficial disability, which may affect a future relationship. When i found this out

(as ashamed as this makes me feel) I didnt feel comfortable with it, I feel like a monster for feeling this way and extremely shallow.

 

I admire their courage in trusting me enough to explain such a difficult situation which they explained they find hard to tell poeple.

 

I havent been able to get this out of my mind, I keep trying to justify my feelings by saying if such a thing would have occurred during a long term relationship a persons love for the other person would make it not matter, although i have only just met this person and unfortunatley am not yet in love.

 

I surely couldnt bare to end a relationship for such a superficial reason and I just know that it would completley destroy this persons confidence and trust. Upon the person telling me i shrugged it off as best as i could and said it didnt bother me but i feel i may not be able to truly be in such a relationship.

 

Please help I really am at my wits end.

[RayKay]

It might help to know what this "superficial disability" is?

 

It's your choice, considering you have only been on a couple dates, this is no time yet to say this is the person you want to spend your life with. It's still dating, maybe something else would make you incompatible. I would suggest if you choose to end it, telling her because of her disability may not be a great choice.

 

Undoubtedly she would be hurt, but she also deserves to be with someone whom would accept her 100% for whom she is, and not be feeling this way about her.

[annie24]

yeah, i agree with raykay.

 

what is the disability? it may help us give you some guidance.

 

is she not able to have children?

[johnson10]

I didnt want to give too many details just in case however unlikely this person might recongise this thread.

 

the person lost a lower limb as a child.

 

PS I can understand if people judge me as monster, thats how i feel about myself at thism moment in time.

[annie24]

no, i don't think you are a monster.... it's a bit unusual, not common, but, yeah, i could see why you might be uncomfortable being intimate with her (but for some men, that is quite a turn on!)

 

anyways, what if you got married to the love of your life and she lost a limb in a car accident? then what?

 

there are no gaurantees that if you meet a person who is one way, that they won't change later on....

 

just something to think about.

[johnson10]

Yes i agree which is what i mentioned, i believe that once you have formed a mental and physical (by this i mean in your heart) relationship with someone that it would not matter but because It is so early in the relationship I still feel like a bystander.

[annie24]

well... like raykay said, it is still very early. you don't have to turn things into a romantic relationship right away. if you like spending time with her, no reason why you can't be just friends for a while.....

[RayKay]

Hmmm, could you tell me why you are turned off by that? It's not something personally that would detract me from someone I was into that is for sure! Many people have lost limbs to disease or accident, or have other disabilities that affect their physical body, and are extremely capable individuals.

 

And yes, what if you were with someone whom was "whole" and were in an accident and lost a limb, or had a disfigurement?

 

Bottom line though is, if it's not something you can accept, I stick to the fact that is actually better you DO let her go. Because she does deserve to be accepted and loved 100%.

[johnson10]

If i could tell you why, I would be able to justify it in my own mind, I'm anything but happy about the way I feel about it.

 

I do agree they deserve to be accepted and loved, because there is nothing wrong with this person. Nor have they done any wrong, I wish i could change the way i feel.

 

Please don't think i find this person or anyone with any kind of disability as inferior in any way. its just how i seem to have reacted, which is out of my control.

 

and this is why i feel so guilty

[annie24]

i dunno.... could be just an instinct to want to mate with the best "genetic material" out there, and losing a limb (even if it was a childhood accident), could make you feel like she doesn't have the best genes. or it could make you worry about her capabilities of raising children.

 

not that any these is probably the case. she probably takes care of herself quite well, and if she has to tell people, it is probably not really noticible!

 

I have a coworker who is blind. He functions so well, that many people don't even realize that he is fully blind!

[Cute Band Rat]

Hey...Heather Mills was missing a leg..and she landed Paul McCartney!!!!

[Momene]

If she's able to live a normal life, I don't see any problem. I think it's better than an attitude problem any day.

[RayKay]

If she's able to live a normal life, I don't see any problem. I think it's better than an attitude problem any day.

 

I'd rather be with someone missing a limb than a heart or soul.

 

Sounds to me like she is fully able, especially if she has to tell people. Only you can decide if this is something that is going to hold you back or not. It sure does not sound like it holds HER back.

 

On a side note, I have been watching this show called Beyond Boundaries on OLN. It's about several people whom are hiking/trekking accross Nicaragua. All of them have a disability - from blindness, to being double amputees and so forth. There is one girl whom became a parapalegic just the year before at 18 years old. They are everything BUT incapable and most of them are extremely inspiring. The one whom seems to have the "hardest" time and complains the most is one whom is deaf but extremely physically able - meanwhile the ones whom aren't physically able are pushing themselves to the limits. Sometimes those whom have more to deal with in life, become the ones whom rise above it all and are the strongest among us.