Ignored and Indifferent

[opticnurve]

This is a long one but I've been constantly struggling to figure everything out. I will try to be as objective as possible to eliminate any bias.

 

So my best friend (we'll call her Denise) and I have known each other for about 10 years. She is one of the only remaining people from junior high that I still constantly talk to...so yeah, I know pretty much everything about her and vice versa. The early part of our friendship was cut short because she had to move away for a few years, due to her dad getting a job elsewhere. However, we kept in touch via email/MSN and sent each other birthday gifts etc. A few years later, her family moved back here and I was pretty much her welcoming party, as she wanted to keep her return a surprise.

 

We were obviously thrilled at being able to hang out again and we did so. She went to a different high school that I did so we still mostly talked over MSN/phone. Fast forward to today, 5 years later, we're both in the same college. Since high school, we've got to hang out with each other a lot more. As a result, we've grown much stronger as friends over our college years.

 

At the beginning of last year, we got into our first fight ever. I felt like she was ignoring me whenever we hung out with everyone so I told her and she took that as me telling her that she was a "bad friend". This resulted in her ignoring me for the entire summer. I kept apologizing and telling her that she was taking it the wrong way but she wasn't believing me. The worst part was that she completely stopped talking to be and was REALLY indifferent toward me. She took no care in my life and stopped inviting me out to things. Instead, she would hang out with all of OUR friends and I would just be too scared to go along just because I didn't want to see her.

 

However, she got over being mad at me and we became close again. Until the beginning of THIS year. Out of nowhere, she stopped talking to me entirely. She claimed she needed space and that we were "hanging out too much". I told her I'd give her space and I totally just backed off. After a week of not talking to her, I was starting to get a little worried because she had not said a single thing to me. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing was wrong and that she was busy with school. That was obviously BS since she was hanging out with other people besides me. She would only reply to me with one worded answers and just maintained an apathetic/indifferent view of me. Throughout this period, I kept apologizing to her and was basically a pushover. At the end of the month, after giving it a lot of thought, I decided to confront her head on. I pretty much had her cornered and she agreed that she was "being an idiot" and was extremely sorry for acting the way she did. So all was REALLY good again for the next two months...until her father passed away, unexpectedly.

 

I was the first one she called on the day it happened. It was during exam time so I dropped everything just to stay with her until she felt better. I honestly stayed with her till 5-6 in the mornings sometimes and hardly got studying done. Anyway, she was beginning to feel better after two weeks and all of a sudden, she started ignoring me again. This was not because she was still mourning the loss of her dad. I know that for a fact. She started talking to everyone except me, did the whole apathetic routine again and whatever.

 

I brushed it off at first and I even texted her to see if I should buy tickets to see a concert we had planned to go to. Another friend of mine found this to be strange since Denise always has her cell phone with her so without my knowing, HE texted HER just to check if she was ignoring me (this was without my immediate knowing). And she was. She replied back to him.

 

Later that evening, I asked her if she got my messages and she said she didn't have her phone on her all day. I was totally pissed off and told her I knew she did because my friend had checked on her. So then SHE got pissed and I ended up apologizing to HER, just so the situation would calm down. I later realized that she had not even apologized to me for lying so I totally confronted her about that and we had another huge argument.

 

Apparently, she's jealous that I have friends outside of our circle. What she means is that I have a group of people that I can hang out with that doesn't involve her but she doesn't have a similar group. Everytime she asks to hang out with someone, they always ask for me to come, since we have the same group of friends. She said she found this frustrating and that she feels overshadowed by me sometimes. She also suspected me of having a crush on her which explained why she got all quiet on me because she only saw me as a friend.

 

I did have a crush on her and I admitted it straight up. I told her I knew that it wasn't going to happen and that I didn't want to tell her just to preserve the friendship. Anyway.

 

This is the background story. Nothing has changed and she is still being indifferent toward me (one worded answers, never initiating conversation). I have done more for her than ANYONE, save for her family...so it hurts that she can treat me like this. She makes me feel like she doesn't care about the friendship, even though she says she does. Any takers on this?

 

 

Edit: I sorta rushed this story...I will explain more if I get comments.

[reallydown]

with friends like this.....who needs enemies?

[renthead]

You seem to forgive her a lot. I think you should stop forgiving her because it really is her fault for ignoring you. Since she doesn't want to be friends with you and you've tried talking to her... I think you should just find a better friend you can rely on. It's her fault she's going to lose a good friend.