Grandaughter

[CHINOOKA]

Last year I wasn't told about the school show for my grandaughter (she was a kindergartner) I was told there wasn't one. I just mentioned that it was funny there wasn't a show this year either and my grandaughter said she didnt want me to go last year becasue she thought I would be too loud. I assure you, I know how to act acceptably in public. I am 47 years old. Well, I did yell loud and clap alot when I went to my son's basketball games when they were young, I did learn eventually not to be too loud at sports events. But I wouldn't of done that at the school. Anyway, I am so tired of the stuck up attitude from her and her mom I dont even care anymore. I dont want anything to do with them, they have disregarded me so may times, and honored others over me as a gramma in so many ways, I am feeling nothing for the child anymore. By the way, I dont think a six year old should be deciding whether or not a grandparent can go to her shcool family events.

[avman]

I know it can hurt when children say such things, but realize that their emotions run the gamut from love to hate all within about 30 seconds.

 

I'm assuming that her mother ultimately makes the decision who comes to the show. I'd plan on going to the show anyway. Your granddaughter will be glad you came even if she doesn't remember it 2 minutes later.

[darklich14]

Yeah, my neice said she hated me and never wanted to talk to me again one day, and within 20 min, was hugging on me. And you know what it was about? Waiting 5 minutes to make it home so she could have some water! Anyway, don't let the little bugger get the better of you. What kind of example is that setting?

[nicorette]

i agree with the above posters. im still very young, but children do do this stuff. i remember doing it to my dad. not about a show, but other things like that. before my father passed away we got along great. i was probably liek that to him for about 2 or 3 years when i was around 8 or 9. i think that this pattern will change and shes just growing up. i wouldnt take anything pesonally! good luck

[CHINOOKA]

Yes, I would of liked to go this kind of thing is very meaningful to me. To see my grandchildren perfom in plays, and choirs and the like. But i wasn't informed this year either. I'm sure they had some kind of event. I am hurt and disappointed. I have invested alot of myself into the relationship with her since she was small. She spent most of her time with me and talked about me all the time. until last year. Everything changed. Her mom didn't need someone to dump her on anymore I spose.

[avman]

Ok well you've edited your original post and completely changed it. That's going to change our advice.

[avman]

Ok I'm quoting your post here so that I can comment on all the changes you have now made.

 

Well once again this goes back to my comments that children say lots of things that they don't really mean and they don't really the maturity to state things without possibly hurting feelings. This would be something to discuss with her parents.

 

 

 

Ok, well this is a bit drastic don't you think? You went from a single incident with your granddaughter all the way to disowning her? There must be more to the story than you have listed here. One incident like this isn't enough to jump to this conclusion.

 

 

She shouldn't. Her parents should decide who goes to the school events. Did you discuss this with her parents? What did they say? Was it an oversight?

[nicorette]

i remmeber playing soccer games when i was younger and i hated it when people watched me. i just got embarrassed, and my dad would start yelling encouraging words, and even yell it out at the other team members, and while he was trying to be kind id get so embarrassed and everyone would be liek why is he yelling. maybe shes just embarrassed, not of you, but maybe the attention she gets from others. and as i said before, a child in kindergarten sometimes acts that way just because of their age.

[JJRadical]

Yea...pipe down at her events and behave yourself...in her world her friends are everything...

[CHINOOKA]

Yes and sorry for the complexity of my thread. yes, it is more than the single event for certain. Yes, I added some info that changed the message. I believe that a relationship between a grandparent and a child is many faceted don't you? I don't believe there is a quick fix and I agree that the mother is the one who decides these things. She doesn't communicate with people directly enough to even discuss this with her. She just denies any knowledge of any school event. She is rather passive aggressive also. I appreciate the help, but please understand, there is sometimes a bit more to a situation than a cut and dry answer. And no I never made any noise at any of her events or birthday parties, I was speaking of her father when he was young, at his basketball games. I learned to be quiet back then when he told me he was embarrassed, but my son still talks about it. (I learned to do it at a friends games, where everyone yelled and whooted.)

[avman]

Well admittedly I am confused. Her mother says that there was no school event. The child says differently. So the beef here is really with your granddaughters parents. I can't quite tell whether her father or her mother is your child (I'm guessing her father is, but I'm not totally sure), but whichever it is I would start there. The child cannot make these decisions on her own, so you need to start with the parents.

 

Sit down with your child and go through your concerns. And listen to their concerns (even if it hurts you to do so). I'd start with just your own child for now and bring their spouse into the conversation once you've had a chance to talk to your child alone. Find out what the source of the problem really is. I have a hunch what you are describing are just symptoms of something much deeper. You'll need to get to the root of the problem in order to really solve anything.

 

I don't think a basketball game is anywhere near equivalent to a more serious ceremony like graduation or even things like recitals and such. So it's not a fair comparison. I too would be much louder at a sporting event than I would for something else.

 

I appreciate the help, but please understand, there is sometimes a bit more to a situation than a cut and dry answer.

Of course this is true. However you need to give us a hand and provide enough background information to give you a useful answer. Your first post said nothing of other issues and made it sound like a single incident. So that of course would indicate a much simpler response than the one I am giving you now.