Arguing is driving me crazy

[SummerLove]

My bf and I spend probably a good half hour arguing about something every single day. I have a flash temper, i admit it. Mix that with some habbits that he has that I don't agree with and there you go. I hate it though. I care about him so much, but this bickering just wastes time and causes blood pressure to rise. We never argue about something major...its usually petty things that we get over worked about. I'm just worried that we'll argue ourselves into mutually breaking up over something stupid like momentarily getting lost while on a small road trip. Its insane. What can I do about this? What can I do to ease my own temper when stupidity flares up? Am I making a mistake by continuing in a relationship like this? Is it normal to argue this much? Most of the stuff we end up arguing about are things that I tend to blow way out of proportion. Is it because I'm so pessimistic about everything having to do with the both of us? I mean we did break up 6 months ago and got back together about a month ago, so there are still bitter feelings towards him, could that be it? Am I subconsciously still angry with him about hurting me back then that I get easily angered now?](*,)

[nottoogreen]

Hi SummerLove,

 

This sounds like summer hell you both have to learn to respect each other, regulate your tempers and compromise. Otherwhise breaking up is better.

[nicorette]

are these the same problems that caused the breakup 6 months ago? if so, id call it quits because obvoisuly things arent getting better. i really think you need to find the centre of these fights. im sure what you guys fight about is minor, but you guy sneed to see the bigger picture and find out what REALLY is making you guys argue. then you can decide how to fix it. good luck

[Haven]

I mean we did break up 6 months ago and got back together about a month ago, so there are still bitter feelings towards him, could that be it? Am I subconsciously still angry with him about hurting me back then that I get easily angered now?

Possibly. Or you could subconsciously be protecting yourself, so that in case you break up again, you'll have an excuse. (Example - "Oh, we were arguing so much, the breakup was inevitable.")

 

You should probably learn to control your temper more, however. It sounds like it could be a potential problem in other areas of your life, not just in this relationship. You could try the counting to 10 thing, where you count to 10 instead of reacting and getting angry?

[lovebites]

Hey,

 

Arguing over petty things is something I'm familiar with in my relationship, both of us have this problem, never ever anything major or that is really a deal!!

 

The ONLY thing you can do, if you really care for this guy a lot is to learn to back down!!!! and let things slide!!!!

 

You HAVE to learn this otherwise it wont get any better. Its something you both have to work on. It may hurt your pride to give in, but which do you care more about?

 

Next time you feel it coming on just think "let it slide"...you will improve your own personailty and give him reason to love you more!

 

goodluck!

-lovebites

[HardShowingAffection]

Constant arguing seems to root back to a lack of good communication. I saw the same thing with my ex. We would get into arguments that were over something soooo stupid, and they would get blown up.

 

It got to the point where a stupid comment about paying my part of a dinner bill ended up in a 'in your face' argument where she drilled me for everything that I had done wrong over the past 2 years, and ended up being the end of our relationship.

 

In my experience, constant arguing results due to unresolved conflicts sometime before in your relationship. There are underlying issues that bother you both, cuasing tension, frustration, anger, and resentment. You need to make sure those roads of communication are open and flowing, otherwise one of you are going to get to the point where you are too emotionally drained to continue. At that point, one of you might be happy, and the other just snaps.

 

Would you rather be right, or be happy? Ask yourself that question everytime a argument starts. Read some communication books, and marvel at the positive effects it has on your relationship!

[ChrisA7712]

hey,

i had the same problem and if you really do care about him just stay with him and tell him 'we're gonna have to work this out or its over' and also maybe you guys are just fighting because you are getting used to each other again seeing as you just got back together a month ago...

good luck,

chris

[Aurian]

I had trouble with negative emotions. Try getting this book:

 

"SOS Help for your Emotions" by Lynn Clark

 

My counselor recommended it to me, and I found it a real big help. Here is a link to it on the Amazon site. You can read a bit more about it there and decide if it might help.

 

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