Busy with work etc.....

[texasman123]

I have been in a relationship with this girl for almost a year now although we were borken up for three months inbetween (she insisted we get back together). Things have been fantastic since.

 

My one worry is that she got a new job that she loves but often works insane hours. sometimesfrom 4AM til 10PM. Often til at least 830. We live about a half hour apart from each other and although she stil makes time to hang out, there are nights i dont even hear from her.

 

Is this normal for an indepenadant minded person or does this sound like aversion? Just curious. she seems happy, but would like opinions on if wokr and outside stress can make someone distant, but still secure with the relationship. I'm just not so used to a girlfriend working this much so was wondering if others have been in the same boat or have felt as she seems to.

[babypink61]

She sounds exactly like my bf. He LOVES his job and is a workaholic. He often stays in the office from 8 AM til 1 AM or he'll work at home or on weekends. The only time I really get to see him is on weekends, and sometimes he'll get calls from work because he needs to resolve some urgent issues, so I'll just end up watching TV by myself while he works. But when that does happen he makes it up to me later, so I don't get really bothered by it. I actually kind of look up to him for being so dedicated and successful. You should be supportive of your gf and from what you wrote, it seems like she does try to make an effort to hang out with you when she's not busy. Maybe you can sit down and have a talk with her, if it's feasible, maybe she can take some time off and you guys can take a mini vacation together so you can spend more time alone. But yeah, if a person is busy or stressed out from working sometimes they might just shut themselves down from the outside world.

[texasman123]

Yeah, she really tries to fit me in. Even this weekend she was adement that we went out for drinks even though she was very tired and had a ton going on in life. I'm just not so used to it, so i wasnt sure how many others have experienced this...It sounds like its more common than I thought..

[Momene]

Yes, some jobs really are like that, although I can't work like that all the time or I get ill. It's no reflection on you.

 

Some of it also may be pressure to perform early on and she may be able to ease up later.

[texasman123]

Thats true as well. She has never done this type of work before either so she has to learn while also trying to show she knows what she is doing. Im fine with her working that much as long as i feel she is into the relationship. She does show this when we are together. To be honest sometimes I am a little surprised when she is so happy to see me after not hearing form her all the time. I'm porbably just not used to it.

[babypink61]

This issue is def very common these days. If you don't mind me asking . . . how old are both of you guys right now? My bf and I are both in our mid-20's so we are def very focused on our career right now. We are also trying very hard to maintain a healthy balance between our relationship and working life. Kudos to your girl for being an independent woman and having so much passion for what she does. You should be very proud of her! I don't think you have anything to worry about because she did try to go out of her way to be with you and plus SHE was the one who was being adamant about getting back with you. I'd be more worried if she just completely shuts you out of her life and just want to work all the time. I know it's hard not being able to see your loved one more often than you'd like to, but it's just something you'll get adjusted to. You just gotta keep yourself occupied. But def try to be more understanding and give her comfort if she's stressed out, she will def appreciate that! My bf always tells me that when he's swamped or stressed out at work, getting a call from me and hearing my voice over the phone makes it all better And he has on numerous occasions expressed how grateful he is that I am being so understanding with his work schedule, because his ex-gf had a lot of problems dealing with this problem. But like Momene said, it's always harder at the beginning because you're trying to lay out the foundation for the future . . . . that is what my bf is also trying to do . . .

[texasman123]

Yeah I am in my late 20's and she is in her mid. My jobe can be very intense, but to be honest its pretty low key most of the time. I am a director so my hours are whatever I want. If I wanted to leave for dinner or such, etc... He hours are much worse, pluys she works in a place that gets no cell service and really never has time to chat on the phone. so there are pretty much days where I do not hear from her at all (like two days ago).

 

That being said I think a part of me is also a little sensitive since she ended things awhile back and was pretty sure about it. We spent months getting back though. It was a very slow process. Although we really havent made a big "boyfriend-girlfriend" deal about it. She did make a huge effort this weekend even though she was slammed.

 

I guess some days I just wonder why i dont hear from her at all. Like a text on the way home or whatever. But, i realize that I am not wokring like that and she is in a really dfferent place. I think I probably just need to be super understanding, make sure to make other plans so im not harping on her every move sometimes, and make sure we plan things together.

[HardShowingAffection]

Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things Texasman.. The key is to be understanding. Maintaining those open roads of communication are key! Never make assumptions about where her head or heart are, discuss the things that might on your mind with her!

 

Focus on the positive, and remember the little things that you do can help her stress level as well! If she is on your mind, and you are wondering how she is doing, drop her a quick text message or a call to just say 'I Love You' and that you are thinking about her. It will put a smile on her face to know you are thinking about her, and help her through her day.

 

It is the little things that make the difference, so don't forget them! Always remember that your inputs into the relationship help guide the relationship in the direction it is heading. If you are positive and loving, your relationship will continue to head that way. If you are not understanding, or negative, you will turn your relationship into a downward spiral!

 

Keep it up, and stay positive!

[texasman123]

Thanks, Thats pretty much what I am trying to do. We are in a weird place, where we are back together, but haven't said I love you or really talked too much about what we are. We are still taking things slow so we dont crush the great connection we have. She is really independent, which i love, but ive just not expirienced before. When shes really stressed or upset she tends to want time to figure it out (after having time with me about it). all in al i jst need to chill and trust in things...

[chigal28]

My bf tends to work really odd, long hours too, as a daily newspaper reporter. Sometimes he doesn't even leave the office till 11 or midnight...but that's just the nature of the job. He also seems distant when he has a lot on his mind about work, or if it's been a long week, or whatever, but he definitely makes the effort to give me whatever time he can and focus on me when we *are* together. I've just learned that this is how he is, and that it has no bearing on his feelings about me or the relationship.

 

The fact that your girlfriend makes time for you, even insisted that you meet for drinks when she was really tired, speaks volumes. It seems she focuses on work when she's at work, to try to do her best and get ahead, but you are a priority as well and she is trying to balance both as best she can. It's perfectly normal, at least from where I'm sitting.

[HardShowingAffection]

If you have some time on your hands, let me recommend two books which have really helped me out with love, and life in general.

 

They are:

"The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Riuz

"The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Riuz

 

Both easy reads, and give you a different insight on things. They open your eyes up and make you feel really good. Check them out, they are both easy to read, and they have a permanent spot on my bedside table now. They will have an impact on your life!

[texasman123]

I'll check them out. I've had a bunch of relationships in the past, but i have to say usually the girl left little doubt that hse was totally into things all the time. this girl is a little more of a challenge. She leaves me with a little oubt every once in awhile. I think its just more that she is independent, but i already feel like we have been through a ton together

[HardShowingAffection]

I hear you Texasman... it seems to be an adjustment for you, and that is allright. At least it sounds like you are handling things in the right way, and approaching this at multiple angles.

 

The biggest thing for me to do when things were 'different' is to listen to others and try putting myself in their shoes. Understand where they are coming from, especially if it is foreign to you.

 

You have a handle on this! Keep your cool, and remember to keep it positive! Good luck, and let me know what you think of the books!