lost sexual attraction to my boyfriend.

[littlepinkpunk]

We are nearing the four-year mark together, and i am not really attracted to him sexually anymore.

 

i don't think i ever was really. he's not a "big" guy....just has a...gut. I love fitness and going to the gym, and i've tried to get him to do these things with me, but it doesn't fit with his time-consuming job.

 

I don't want to break it to him that i'm losing this attraction, i just want to work on it with him. I'm not even very picky about the appearance of guys, but i find myself eyeballing others all the time.

 

how will he understand that this is important to me?

[LostInMyThoughts]

4 years? So you've been with him since you were 15?

 

It could be more thant losing sexual attraction, it could be that you two are growing apart (it's pretty natural given your age).

 

But think about it this way, how would you like to be told that your boyfriend didn't find you sexually attractive anymore because you had gotten fat.

 

While I think physical appearance is important in a relationship (you said it was because of his gut that you werent attracted to him sexually), it's not usually a major contributing factor to the success of a relationship.

 

If you want to kick up the flame sexually, try to do some new fun things int he bedroom.

[nicorette]

if you want to kick up the flame sexually, try to do some new fun things int he bedroom.

 

agreed. i think that a little bit of a gut is nothing to be worried about, and definetly dont tell him, itll only crush his feelings.

[Momene]

There's nothing to be ashamed of. The relationship has reached it's sell-by date and its time for you both to move on.

[OceanEyes]

I've been in your exact situation, only I'm a bit older. Things don't get easier and I'm sure that they are not easier for you !!

 

Sexual/ physical attraction isn't any easy thing to re-acquire. In fact, I think that it's almost impossible to go from finding someone unattractive, to finding them attractive and actually wanting to have sex with that person.

 

For women, sex is usually the first thing to go out the window when your emotional needs are not being met. I am willing to bet that there are bigger issues than a tummy at play here, the biggest one being that you're just bored out of your mind, are getting into the party-years of your life, and want to experience more.

 

You might want to consider which is more important: the comfort and familiarity of your current man? Or respectfully leaving in search of new and more exciting experiences.

 

It's up to you, and I do have faith that you'll figure it out when the time comes. You'll reach a point where you won't have a choice.

[littlepinkpunk]

you see, i don't want to end this relationship. i love him and i love to be with him, i just don't look at him the same way without a shirt as i do some other people. i don't necessarily want to do anything with a person with a 'more attractive' body.

In the bedroom i feel that its just..."in the way" and it would be better and less awkward if things were downsized a bit.

[Momene]

you see, i don't want to end this relationship. i love him and i love to be with him, i just don't look at him the same way without a shirt as i do some other people. i don't necessarily want to do anything with a person with a 'more attractive' body.

In the bedroom i feel that its just..."in the way" and it would be better and less awkward if things were downsized a bit.

 

Are you reluctant to end this relationship because you're scared of being alone? From my experience, being alone for a while isn't such a bad thing and as long as you're open to those around you, being alone doesn't have to be permanent. Perhaps you'll find someone whose all the things you like about your boyfriend and you'll be attracted to him too.

 

I'm not telling you to split, just to consider whether you are staying for the right reasons.