How do I act - please help?

[littlesensitive]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post but here goes - I have been in a "relationship" with my guy for 18 months. We started off great, lived together and then I moved away to another country. We tried long distance although he had problems with this and found it too pianful. He would insist that it would be better to break up than to end up hrting each other, but each time we agreed on this, we would end up talking/together again.

 

I had finally had enough of this and here comes my question - last time we spoke he said that he needs to re-think his life, job (he is thinking of changing his career entirely and reloacting to another country where incidentally we could easily live together) and that he needs time to think about all this, including our relationship. He says he would one day very much regret if we broke up and that I am his best friend, someone he respects very much and needs in his life. Its the first time he's opened to me like this but has since gone quite on me. My question is: what do I do now? Do I let him go to his "cave" and think? I want to support him but then again don't want to pressure him. I love him very much...

[HardShowingAffection]

I would give him his time to think. Don't pressure him, as that might push him away. I would let him know that you are there for him if he would like to talk about things... good or bad, and let him know that you are there to listen. If this is something that he really needs, then there isn't much that you can do about it that will help him.

 

Give him the space. Have a good heart to heart, and then leave the ball in his court. I think that if he has his space, and doesn't talk to you, he will see what you mean to him, and it will help put things in perspective. Let him call you, and contact you when he feels the time is right. I am sure he will be thinking about you, and this should be a good thing for both of you to sit back and reflect on the relationship, and what you mean to one another.

 

Good luck!

[Serendipity1607307077]

I agree... it's best to let him sort out what he wants to do with his life..

 

HardShowingAffection - you worded it perfectly

[RayKay]

I agree with the others, you really have to let him just be, and think everything through. Pressure will only further frustrate, and confuse the issue, and it may push him away from you further.

 

Let him know you support him, and are there for him..and then give him the time and space he needs. That you want to be with him, but ultimately you want him to decide for himself what he wants.

 

BUT, also give yourself a timeline. If things seem to be going nowhere after weeks/months, then you have to decide for yourself what you want in your life and relationship as well. Don't wait forever.

 

Good luck,

 

RayKay

[littlesensitive]

Thanks guys - that was my gut feeling too. And I know that that's the right way to go about things, and I'm going to respect that...I am just worried that he will forget about me or think less about me...silly, I know. When I'm going through difficult patches in life, I always reach out to those closest to me.. I never shut them out. Is this the way men tend to handle things - i.e. prefer to do their own thinking and shut others out?

 

RayKay - thanks for your advice. I don't think I'll have to wait that long and I am not really waiting in that sense of the word. I am not going to put my life on hold whilst he is thinking about this, but I am hoping that he will come to his senses in the very near future. He himself said that he needs to come to his senses and realise what he's found in me.