Straight guy hooking up with lesbian girl... she is more confused than me

[Pretzel_theif]

I dont want to go into too much detail... 2 or 3 weeks ago, she and I were hanging out, and one thing led to another. Since then, weve seen eachother quite a few times, all with good results.

We've talked a lot about our relationship, and what it may look like, but everytime she just ends up saying, "I dont know..." I can only imagine all the trouble she went through discovering herself and coming out, I can see how troubling it is for her. I think that she is afraid of how her lesbian friends will view her if she continues and they find out shes bi. I dont know a lot about lesbian culture. It seems very protective. and I think Im in over my head.

 

So heres my questions:

Is there anything I can do to support her?

Am I looking at a lost cause?

Should I just quit, maybe leave things at a friendship?

[NoComply]

my lesbian friend went out with a guy, and there now like best friend and girl/boy friend.

 

it can work. if her friends dont like it, then there hardly her friends.

 

hope i helped

[nottoogreen]

So heres my questions:

Is there anything I can do to support her?

Care her, listen to her, encourage her.

Am I looking at a lost cause?

Not if you love her and she loves you and you connect.

Should I just quit, maybe leave things at a friendship?

You got much to talk to her, understand each other. Takes time, no rush.

 

Have a look at my post here. Maybe my gf is similar to yours.

 

 

You may gather that I like lesbians, I do, it is just hard to get one, and I do only know for a few years, besides she is close enough

[Vert]

The advice above is sufficient so I will say this....

 

You might be in a very EXCELLENT position for some multi-girl play.

[nottoogreen]

The advice above is sufficient so I will say this....

 

You might be in a very EXCELLENT position for some multi-girl play.

 

First time I penetrated them both and finished too fast in #3.

 

Gf was a bit grumpy

 

Since then only oral not for penetration while #3 is there. Works.

 

Also #3 must leave after the session.

 

Used condom with #3

[ScaredFawn]

Your friend must be very confused. Im 24, and Ive been die hard lesbian all my life, and now Im considering trying sex with a guy. If my gf and I broke up, Id be open to even maybe a relationship with one. It is EXTREMELY difficult to go through something like that, extremely confusing to realize, heck maybe Im not who I thought I was for the past 10 years, and Ive been proud of being gay and made so many gay friends and felt attached, felt like I belonged to a community. I came out, I struggled to find a gf, and now, what is this, could I not be gay??????????????? It is frightening and, on my part anyway, its as if my whole identity was stripped away from me. So just listen to her and tell her other people are in that situation too! Good luck to you both

[Vert]

Your friend must be very confused. Im 24, and Ive been die hard lesbian all my life, and now Im considering trying sex with a guy. If my gf and I broke up, Id be open to even maybe a relationship with one. It is EXTREMELY difficult to go through something like that, extremely confusing to realize, heck maybe Im not who I thought I was for the past 10 years, and Ive been proud of being gay and made so many gay friends and felt attached, felt like I belonged to a community. I came out, I struggled to find a gf, and now, what is this, could I not be gay??????????????? It is frightening and, on my part anyway, its as if my whole identity was stripped away from me. So just listen to her and tell her other people are in that situation too! Good luck to you both

 

Do you feel like you've "betrayed" your fellow homosexual community by possibly wanting the opposite sex or at least interested in having sex with them? I would think that a decent number of gays are at least bi-curious or have slept with the opposite sex.

[ScaredFawn]

Do you feel like you've "betrayed" your fellow homosexual community by possibly wanting the opposite sex or at least interested in having sex with them? I would think that a decent number of gays are at least bi-curious or have slept with the opposite sex.

 

 

Sure, I do feel totally horrible about that. But that comes nothing close to the guilt and feeling of betraying my gf of 2 years who didnt know about my straight desires (neither did I) until a year and 9 months in the relationship. Now Im just waiting to see what orientation I am and we're in limbo right now. At least your friend is not in a relationship, is she?

[nicorette]

i dotn see anything wrong with it, as long as you know what you are getting into. i wouldnt have too many expectations till you talk to her.

[Pretzel_theif]

Ive got a million thoughts going on, and im afraid of turning my post into a long boring novel. so ill try to be brief.

 

In the past couple days... I took a step back, tried to just pursue the friend route. She is a really awesome girl, I love hanging out with her and I can see how much she wishes things were either black or white.

Last night, she invites me to a lesbian bar to celebrate pride weekend and meet her friends. At first she asks me if I can stay a little off, cause shes affraid her friends will assume theres more to our 'friendship'. A couple songs later, shes all over me.

she says to me in the car. that she grew up trying to be straight, came out and was totally happy with her ex for 2 years, and in the last year after dating a lot hasnt been able to connect much and now i came around and caused even more confusion. she said something to the effect of if she had to choose one, straight or gay, she'd choose women... and moments later, shes all over me again.

 

so much for the friend route, right?

 

I guess Im just afraid of doing something stupid. I dont want to end up hurting or disappointing her. Im just riding the current

[itsallgrand]

You're dealing with a very confused girl. No matter how you cut it or do: this is going to be a relationship ripe with complications.

 

Am I the only one that sees clearly: You can not be a lesbian and like c-k?! I mean, to dig men that much usually means you are not a lesbian.

A lesbian prefers women. Has not interest in men - unless they are still confused and unsteady in their identity.

 

Maybe she is bisexual. Who knows?! Not even her!

 

Personally, I would steer clear of this one completely....unless you are prepared to deal with all her baggage and confusion. No doubt, the probability of you getting hurt here is high.

 

good luck.

[spaggle]

One thing you have to remember is your sexual orientation can change through out your life. Your friend is confused- yes, there must be something there, some feelings whether emotional or physical that are still there for you which confuses her. which means in that sense no she is not a lost cause. It all depends on whether you want to get wrapped up in her world of confusion. Ask any of my friends, its not fun lol.

Hope it all turns out well in the end

spaggle

xxx

[nottoogreen]

Concur with previous posters. There will be plenty of confusion. I went after a few bi-girls (I like them better) and mostly burned my paws, my gf is bi-curious.

 

Give it plenty time and be very patient and considerate. All in the name of love.

 

Edited: Thinking more about this, I want a girl to be best friend. Bi-girls I met (my gf too) seem to have something anti-relationship-with-male because of experiences, family. They seemed to be more deeply thinking. They seemed to be better buddies too and want buddies more than lovers. I think it's important to be buddy with them first.

 

What about treat her as a buddy, do not think too much about that she is a girl be straight and not too p u s s yfooted.

[nottoogreen]

Sure, I do feel totally horrible about that. But that comes nothing close to the guilt and feeling of betraying my gf of 2 years who didnt know about my straight desires (neither did I) until a year and 9 months in the relationship. Now Im just waiting to see what orientation I am and we're in limbo right now. At least your friend is not in a relationship, is she?

 

Straight desires? What about "desire better functionality".

 

I may be accused of stereotyping again but I have some strong opinions on major origins of homosexual behaviour.

 

Male: Easier to quickly get sexual satisfaction from another male.

 

Female: Anti-male attitude because of experiences/exposure to: Male does not relate to female seriousness, male promiscous, male abuses / downs female, male does not satisfy female sexualy.

 

Donning asbestos suit...

[Pretzel_theif]

I cant believe all the crazy stuff going on, regarding all this. I talked to a few of my straight friends for insight, and all they could think about was 'chasing amy' or the possibilities of a 3some... Im not into that kind of thing, I want to consider myself to be a regular joe. I just wanted insight, not sexual.. whatever. So that was a mistake 3fold, cause the word that ive been seeing a lesbian has started to spread.

 

 

I dont know what to do. Im starting to really care about her.

[nottoogreen]

I cant believe all the crazy stuff going on, regarding all this. I talked to a few of my straight friends for insight, and all they could think about was 'chasing amy' or the possibilities of a 3some... Im not into that kind of thing, I want to consider myself to be a regular joe. I just wanted insight, not sexual.. whatever. So that was a mistake 3fold, cause the word that ive been seeing a lesbian has started to spread.

 

 

I dont know what to do. Im starting to really care about her.

 

Sorry, you have to learn to read this forum. There is a lot of thread drift at times so please read it all again - there is tons of insight.