Jealousy?

[enolaton]

Now, I've heard many different sides to this, but I decided to start this thread to see what everyone here on eNotAlone thought...

 

Plain and simple, can an ex be or act jealous if they have no feelings for you? Granted, it could have been a horrible break-up, and one party may be jealous the other is happy and moving on with life. But, if the break-up was civil where both parties are left still caring very much for the other, is it possible, especially for the dumper to be jealous of the dumpee, if they have ZERO feelings for them??? Wouldn't the dumper want the dumpee to be happy without them??? What do you guys think?

[Vert]

I think if someone is acting jealous then yes they do have feelings, but in random cases you might run into a person that has ego issues and doesn't like to see their ex's succeed.

[joyce1412]

Plain and simple, can an ex be or act jealous if they have no feelings for you? Granted, it could have been a horrible break-up, and one party may be jealous the other is happy and moving on with life. But, if the break-up was civil where both parties are left still caring very much for the other, is it possible, especially for the dumper to be jealous of the dumpee, if they have ZERO feelings for them??? Wouldn't the dumper want the dumpee to be happy without them??? What do you guys think?

 

agreed with vert. if your ex is jealous, it obviously means there are residual feelings. yeah, the dumper SHOULD want the dumpee to be happy without them, but to see someone you used to be with and used to make happy start becoming a happy person WITHOUT YOU--especially if a new person is in the dumpee's life--is hard to swallow.

 

i GUESS in cases where the dumper is not jealous to see the dumpee moving on to something/someone new, there are either no feelings or the dumper just happens to be a very evolved, mature person...but honestly? i've never seen the latter to be the case. it's not that the dumper just DOES NOT want the other person to be happy, it's simply selfishness, or maybe regret.

 

i think that even if the breakup were civil, that might make it even harder for the dumper not to be jealous...because a civil breakup is an indication that the dumper still cares about the dumpee and respects the relationship enough to end things kindly. and civil breakups also usually indicate that there wasn't any cheating, abuse, or other severe problems present, making the breakup less of a "must-do."

[enolaton]

Obviously, even if jealousy means the ex (dumper) still has feelings for you (dumpee), that doesn't mean they'll come back...

[jchan]

You can't really say it's jealousy unless the dumpee managed to enjoy a more happier and successful life (in terms of personal growth, career growth, or romantic growth)

 

Well, for the dumpers, it's more of the subconscious "gee, I'm happy with my life, but wait a minute, why is my ex so happy? I thought they were wallowing in their own wastes when i dumped them, I don't understand, what's going on? why am I in a platonic stage in life while they're moving on without me?"

 

It's more of a shock to them, the ex's (dumper) would expect that their own life is at a pretty good level compared to the dumpee's. But what goes around comes around. The dumpee redeems himself/herself and moves on towards better things in life. Then, the jealousy sets in because the dumper doesn't get to take part in the good times.

 

The dumper left the party before it started, why should they have in on the fun?