friend at work

[VladTepes]

Well I'm having problems with a friend at work.

 

I have known said person for almost 2 years and we are (well were) really good friends. Almost best friends infact.

 

Well my friend transferred to another area of the job and to me, it was as if she was moving away. We don't see eachother outside of work, as we lead different lives outside. At work we are perfect together, but outside.... not really. Anyways...

I tried hard to keep our friendship alive by stopping by to see her before my shifts started and she did the same for me before her shifts started. But as time went by she started to slow her greetings and she seemed different then I remembered her. I asked what what wrong and she said "nothing" but I could see she was upset about something. I don't like to see my friends sad or down so I decided to keep doing my part to make her feel like she had a good friend. But days turned into weeks and she just kept going down hill. She had pretty much stopped saying hi to me or even acknowledging me.

 

To say the least, seeing a friend so down really hurts and I could no longer even enjoy myself at work. I was always sad to see her down and eventually decided that I wanted to quit my job and leave while things there were still semi good memories. Still being a friend I told her first and suffice to say, she wasn't happy at all. Infact she was quite pissed off. I tried to explain that I was no longer having fun at work and that I missed the way things between us were. Well suddenly she puts me on her * * * * list and I'm fully ignored. Suddenly people who saw us as the best of friends start asking me what is going on between us, as we aren't the same as we were. (Our deep friendship was pretty much known to all at work) To which my reply is "I don't know" as I don't. Finally after many MANY people keep asking me, I decide to ask her straight out what the hell is wrong. But she won't even give me the time of day. Finally I had enough and asked management if they could help me out somehow and they said they would intervene as it was now affecting the workplace. So she gets called up to the office and we have a little meeting. She says that I made her feel bad because I was saying I missed her and was no longer having fun at work. I try to explain that my intentions were not to hurt her, but to express how much I missed her. She says that she understands and says I'm a nice guy and all is forgiven. So days start to pass and she is no different towards me. She's still ignoring me. She says she's too busy to say hi anymore yet when other people say hi to her, she has all the time in the world for them.

 

Well I go up to her and ask if we can talk and she says she's busy. I said I don't care, It's important and I confront her with everything I notice. She says that she is pissed off still that not only did I make her feel bad, but that I also had her called to the head office and confronted her there. Well what the heck am I supposed to do? I try to explain to her my intent and she says that it's going to take time for her to forgive me.

Forgive me?! I never did anything wrong. I'm so miserable at work now and just want us to be friends like we were once before. She even says that she's pissed off that people keep asking her what is wrong between us and she blames me for that too. I never once asked a single soul to talk to her on my behalf. If they ask her, it's because they want to know.

Well she says that she'll forgive me in time but if 1 more person asks her what's wrong between us, she says that's it, don't ever speak to her again.

 

I think this is BS in how I am being treated. I so badly want us to be friends again. I love her to pieces. But I don't deserve this. What am I supposed to do?

Stand up and stick to my "haven't done anything wrong" or swallow my pride and let her have this?

 

This sucks.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Why did you assume she was depressed? The fact that she was acting cooly towards you when you stopped by to visit with her might just as well have been an indication that she no longer wanted to continue the friendship with you, and not at all an indication of her overall happiness.

[VladTepes]

It wasn't just I who had noticed her change. Many people noticed her decline in happiness. It wasn't completely directed at myself, just most of it. And it was very unlike her. She's normally the kind of person when something is wrong she is first to say so. Rather confrontational. Her behaviour was completely out of character.

 

I still sense something is wrong, as do others, but I've already dug myself deep enough. I want to help her, but can't.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

It wasn't just I who had noticed her change. Many people noticed her decline in happiness. It wasn't completely directed at myself, just most of it. And it was very unlike her. She's normally the kind of person when something is wrong she is first to say so. Rather confrontational. Her behaviour was completely out of character.

 

I still sense something is wrong, as do others, but I've already dug myself deep enough. I want to help her, but can't.

 

That sucks! It sounds to me like something weird is going on with her. But maybe you should just distance yourself from her. Friends change, and it doesn't sound like she's being much of one to you right now.

[VladTepes]

Okay, could not take it any longer, I wanted an answer.

 

Despite the fact that I could've ruined our friendship, I forced her hand. I told her she had to tell me what was wrong or I'd have to get managment involved as it was racking my brain at work. So she starts freaking out on me about * * * * here and there and turns out she thought I was attracted to her. She's almost twice my age. I started laughing and told her to stop, asap. She stopped talking and I told her that I didn't think of her THAT way. I mean we were always very flirtatious with eachother, but it was all in good fun. She went beet red and started to apologise for assuming something so absurd. I told her that she should've asked me long ago what I had in mind when we flirted. Because all I thought of it was 2 adults having a little fun at work.

 

I had asked her during one of her breaks if she'd like to join me for coffee and catch up, and she thought I was asking her out on a date as I never asked such things when we worked together. I told her it was because since we worked together, there was no need to go for coffee, we talked while we worked. And since we no longer worked together, I had no idea what she had been up to and was simply being friendly. I said I loved her to pieces as a friend, but as a potential mate......... we are just way too different on a relationship scale. She felt so relieved and soooooooooo bad. She couldn't stop saying she was sorry and how things between us will be fine again.

 

I tried to make her realise that she should've just talked to me about her uneasiness before cutting ties. See what happens when you keep things to yourself?

 

Oh and another thing. Be careful who you flirt with at work. Or atleast spell things out if you are flirting with someone.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yeah, that is weird.

 

I mean I have male friends through work who I'll go have coffee with, I can discern who is interested and who is just saying, hey, let's go get a coffee. Sheeesh. Well best o' luck to ya.