She needs time to herself?

[Jason333]

My girlfriend sometimes goes cold on me. Yesterday, I called her several times and she did not pick up or return my calls. I confronted her today and she told me that she just needed time to herself. I don't understand what that means. (I don't ignore her calls or her) I care about her, and when she ignores me, it hurts. Then, the next day she seemed fine and acted like nothing happened. We would chat and hang out as if nothing had happened. I really don't understand such odd behavior from her. I know I did nothing wrong, but I feel like I'm getting punished every time she ignores me.

 

 

[dopexile]

Women are hard to understand... that's just a fact of life. I don't really have a lot of information to go on but maybe she just needs personal space.. maybe you are suffocating her. Hard to say

[perry22]

How long have both of you been together? Did anything took place before that eg. she attending some event etc, out on her own etc?

 

Is this also the first time that has happened in your relationship?

 

Not trying to be negative but a continuous period of such up-and-down behaviour usually means something not right in the relationship. It could be how she is feeling about the 2 of you; or there could be some external factors.

 

Maybe you can elaborate more on her behaviour/body language during the period leading to the coldness.

[Momene]

Agree. Need more information. If she was out with friends or watching a film, she may not want to be interrupted. I wouldn't.

[shorty20]

ya, it's hard to tell with such little information, but I know my roommate does this sometimes. If she has a bad day or is just really in a bad mood, she'll just lock herself in her room and won't answer anyone's calls. Sometimes girls just need time alone. On the other hand, if her boyfriend talks rude to her or does something she dosen't like, this is how she'll "punish" him. It's actually pretty funny to me because he dosen't really care. She'll be like "thats it, I"m not talking to him for two days!" and then when she finally does talk to him he dosen't even say anything about how they didn't talk the past two days... by the way they would usually talk on a daily basis. Anywayz, it's hard to tell with girls, but I would take her not answering your calls as really a favor to you. The reason I say this is because she could be in a really bad mood when she pulls this "i needed my space" thing, and if she were to answer your calls she could potentially be really moody and mean... she's probably trying to do you a favor by staying away. More info would help for better detailed advice. Good luck.

[babypink61]

I agree with shorty20 that sometimes we women just wanna be left alone! I dun think it's necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes we just feel the need to have our own space and do our own thing. I get like that from time to time, even though my bf would like to see me everyweekend (he lives 1 hour away from me). It's like sometimes I just like to stay home and watch tv all day and veg, but my bf would never wanna do that. That's why sometimes I'd feel more comfortable if he's not with me. But I dunno about the not picking up and returning your phone calls though. Is it cuz you keep on calling her even after she tells you that she wants to be alone?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I agree with most of the other posters. I myself have been that way many times. It doesn't mean I don't like my boyfriend, it's just our way of pacing the relationship when we start feeling that suffocated. Also there is the possibility that she doesn't feel appreciated and is punishing you. But it sounds like you're giving her plenty of attention so that's probably not the case. Most likely she just wants to do her own thing sometimes.

[Jason333]

A little background on our relationship

 

How long have both of you been together? Did anything took place before that eg. she attending some event etc, out on her own etc?

 

Is this also the first time that has happened in your relationship?

 

Not trying to be negative but a continuous period of such up-and-down behaviour usually means something not right in the relationship. It could be how she is feeling about the 2 of you; or there could be some external factors.

 

Maybe you can elaborate more on her behaviour/body language during the period leading to the coldness.

 

We've been together for about 2 months now. Yes, she went on a trip recently to visit her family in another country. After she came back, she has been in a very bad mood. She recently told me that going back to where she grew up brought back many memories and was very hard for her. She told me she needed time to adjust, but it has been a week and a half since her return. She said she's slowly going back to her old self, but we met up last night and she still gave me an attitude. Almost every thing I said irrirated her. Things got better towards the end of the night, but I want to know how to help her go back to herself (even though there's probably nothing I can do).

 

I wrote her an email telling her how I felt on Thursday night. She replied and said that she knows she has not been a very good girlfriend recently, because she thinks she's going through a phase. She also reassured me that I'm important to her and that she wants to see me, and then we met up on Fri night.

 

We talked on Fri night too. She said that she's not a needy person and don't like calling people often. I feel like she's a guy in a female body. Also, I've told her so much about my feelings towards her. I fear that might be a bad thing, because I put myself in a very vulnerable spot. I'm very honest to her, and I'm honest about the relationship, but at the same time I don't want to get hurt.

 

Even though I spent the whole Fri night with her, I still want to see her more. Since I'm busy on Sat and Sun afternoon, I ask her if I could see her on Sun evening. And she told me Sun evenings are reserved for herself, alone (she has work next day. She was willing to see me on Sun morning and afternoon but not Sun evening. Are there people like this in healthy relationships, or does it mean I'm not important enough to her?

 

ya, it's hard to tell with such little information, but I know my roommate does this sometimes. If she has a bad day or is just really in a bad mood, she'll just lock herself in her room and won't answer anyone's calls. Sometimes girls just need time alone. On the other hand, if her boyfriend talks rude to her or does something she dosen't like, this is how she'll "punish" him. It's actually pretty funny to me because he dosen't really care. She'll be like "thats it, I"m not talking to him for two days!" and then when she finally does talk to him he dosen't even say anything about how they didn't talk the past two days... by the way they would usually talk on a daily basis. Anywayz, it's hard to tell with girls, but I would take her not answering your calls as really a favor to you. The reason I say this is because she could be in a really bad mood when she pulls this "i needed my space" thing, and if she were to answer your calls she could potentially be really moody and mean... she's probably trying to do you a favor by staying away. More info would help for better detailed advice. Good luck.

 

I feel I need to hear from her, and it hurts me when she ignores me. I felt I I was being punished and I did nothing wrong. Why couldn't she just pick up and tell me she's not in a good mood? Granted, you may be right, she'd probably be in a terrible mood and made the phone call miserable, but I really wanted to hear from her. I feel like I'm the girl in the relationship, but I'm really not. I just care about her a lot.

 

I agree with shorty20 that sometimes we women just wanna be left alone! I dun think it's necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes we just feel the need to have our own space and do our own thing. I get like that from time to time, even though my bf would like to see me everyweekend (he lives 1 hour away from me). It's like sometimes I just like to stay home and watch tv all day and veg, but my bf would never wanna do that. That's why sometimes I'd feel more comfortable if he's not with me. But I dunno about the not picking up and returning your phone calls though. Is it cuz you keep on calling her even after she tells you that she wants to be alone?

 

Yup, she's like that. Sometimes she just likes to stay home and watch tv all day and do her things. But I don't mind watching tv with her, yet, she still wants to do it alone. I don't understand that, because I don't mind watching TV with her. I would enjoy her company, why couldn't she enjoy mine?

To answer your question, she didn't tell me she wanted to be alone. She never picked up my calls in the first place.

 

I agree with most of the other posters. I myself have been that way many times. It doesn't mean I don't like my boyfriend, it's just our way of pacing the relationship when we start feeling that suffocated. Also there is the possibility that she doesn't feel appreciated and is punishing you. But it sounds like you're giving her plenty of attention so that's probably not the case. Most likely she just wants to do her own thing sometimes.

 

Indeed, I'm giving her tons of attention and care. Don't girls want that? Do they want to feel loved? Most of the girls told me that like to feel cared for and loved. That's just so contradicting then if what you said is true. So, now I'm suffocating her? I know she wants to do her own things, but why can't she do her own things with my company? I don't mind going shopping, buying grocery, etc with her. I know some girls really like company.

[Jason333]

This phase she's going through is not helping at all. Our relationship was progressing fine until she went on this trip. After she came back, I feel our relationship has taken a few steps back. I confronted her last night (not one of the fun things to do) and she told me she has issues of her own. I told her I haven't changed or done anything different to her, and she agreed. Obviously, the problem is in her, but she can't pinpoint it. She suggested that perhaps we shouldn't see each other in a while and let her figure out things on her own. I didn't like that idea of not seeing her, so I said I still want to see her but I'll let her figure out things and I'll be there if she needs me. I don't want things to go sour, but I also don't have control over things. What can I do?

[Jason333]

Her independence of anyone bothers me. It makes me feel so small in her life. I know she can go on easily without me, but it's so hard for me to let go of her. I tried understanding why she is so independent and what contributed to this factor. I thought it was because she was constantly moving around, like every several years, the move made her become independent. But she said no. It was because she didn't want to be anything like her parents. She told me her parents were very strict and she was a rebellious kid. She would do things she was told not to do. Is anyone out there like this?

 

Sometimes little things bother me. I told her yesterday my friend called me several times 'cause my friend couldn't reached me. She said she would not do that. She would only call once and leave a message at the most. Then it's up to the other person to call her back. She also said she would never called me 6 times per day. Why did she have to say never. I don't like eliminating the that possibility. It's these little things that makes me feel good. I like a girl who would call every so often (as long as it's not stalking), ask about me, pay attention to me.

 

Obviously, I'm very into her, and I want her to be into me as well. I can't help it. I want to feel loved too. I always feel I want to see her more, and I want to do more with her. She spends time with me, but I feel it's not enough.

 

Another thing is, we don't work together any more. She hated the idea of dating a coworker, so I found a new job. I wanted to quit for many other reasons; she was just the catalyst. She told me that we would spend more time together if we were not coworkers, but then this phase kicked in.

 

Things happen and now, I have to take steps back. I had to convince myself that sometimes taking a few step back may not be a bad thing. It may help move things forward. As much as I want to go full speed ahead in the relationship, I know I can't force it. She's not the girl she was before her trip or going through this "phase", so I have to step back and give her some space. Hopefully she'll come through.

[Momene]

I think the independence/clinginess issue will break you sooner or later. Neither of you are right or wrong but you have to need about the same amount of together and apart time or it won't work.

 

It broke my first marriage as I was too clingy for her. Second time round my wife is more clingy than I am but not by a lot, so it works for us.