What do people think of this...

[mikeca]

its seems like quite the opposite people tend to post about...I'd just like to see some discussion about it myself.

 

link removed

[CarnelianButterfly]

One thing that wasn't on that list is that if she left you for a particular reason you should try to change that part of yourself/your relationship or the same issues that happened before will pop up again.

[RayKay]

In reference to the article you linked to, there are parts I agree with, others I don't. A lot depends on WHY it ended. If it ended because you were taking her for granted, ogling other women or not taking things to next level then I think you should show you are sincere about changing those aspects and working together to be together.

 

I think a lot of other points are what IS recommended here but in different form - ie hold cards close to chest, work out and live your life etc.

 

Where I would disagree with it is in cases where she has made very clear it is over, and she does not want to hear from you or have more to do with you, or there is cheating, abuse, etc.

[eric_wanting_answers]

RayKay... as far as taking the ex for granted. I took my exGF for granted much too often in the last year (we were together for 3.5 years). I think it finally built up inside her and we broke up (2 months ago).

So yeah, I have a different outlook on things now and have really worked to change myself.

 

The problem... she has a new boyfriend as of today (she's extremely attractive and constantly gets bombarded with guys now thats she's single; this one is apparently a better smooth talker than the others).

So.... what does this rebound mean? I feel absolutely disgusted with her.

[RayKay]

Whom knows what this "rebound" honestly. It may not even be a rebound in the end. Only time will tell. Not all guys whom hit on her are truly bad guys (even though for you right now they may be!).

 

Why are you disgusted with her though? You are both single and free to move on.

 

The changes you are making should be for yourself as well, and for any future relationship - be it with her or not. So, don't get discouraged or stop working on yourself just because she is with someone else.

[mikeca]

yeah I've been in NC for the last 3 weeks, She broke up with me in march but wanted to remain friends, after a few emails where it seemed like things were almost 'back together' kinda mode I told her I couldnt be just friends.

 

It seems to be one of those one person cares about the relationship more than a career while the other is more career driven

[RayKay]

yeah I've been in NC for the last 3 weeks, She broke up with me in march but wanted to remain friends, after a few emails where it seemed like things were almost 'back together' kinda mode I told her I couldnt be just friends.

 

It seems to be one of those one person cares about the relationship more than a career while the other is more career driven

 

I am sorry to say I don't know the whole story, but this is definitely not uncommon, especially as you are just getting out into that working world/adulthood.

 

My boyfriend and his previous long term gf, whom lived together, ending up breaking up for similar reasons (she chose a career over relationship, essentially, which I won't get too much into). Anyway, her loss and his and my gain as he later met me.

 

I think telling her you did not want that "limbo land" was a good idea, you do deserve better, and the seperation will be much better for your healing. Besides, you deserve someone whom shares similar priorities. Career is important...but when you start having to do it at the expense of family/relationships/loved ones, well, that's a choice, but you should find someone whom you are compatible with in that respect.

[mikeca]

Ya at first I was hesistant to start NC or use that websites advice still not sure if I made the right decision but c'est la vie.