Ive been crushed..I feel like a bad person..

[wuddlemurdes]

hey, people who read my other post "im being used and Im afriad its going to lead to sex :S" well, since that one, Ive writen others about how to tell him its over, but before I could tell him, he broke up with me, well his brother told me for him becuase he was probley to much of a *** to tell me to my face. Well, I feel like crap. I cried and cried yesterday, but NOT becuase its over for us, damb Im glad its over for us, but its just the fact that Ive been used and abused! he got almost everything he wanted accept sex, and then he dumped me. I think he had another g.f, cause everytime I called him, he was always on the other line with "kelly" and he talks to her for hours, everyday, more than weve ever talked our entire relshionship! and so I think that, he used me for his first time experiencing "oral pleasure" then dumped me and went along with Kelly. I feel like a slut, I feel angry, I feel like everything negative, I dont know how to handle it. I dont know if Ill ever be able to trust another guy, or do anything with another guy, without worrieing "is he using me" I just dont know what to do. This is major for me...and I just feel dead at the moment...and my friend talked to me, and told me everything would be ok, but I dont think It will be! Please tell me what I can do to feel better about my self!

 

WUddle.

[kdreger]

You can't let this relationship effect every future relationship. If you do, you're letting this jerk have power over you for years. So you were "used", take it as a learning experience, next time you'll be able to prevent it from happening. No relationship is a waste if you learn something. Also be proud of yourself. What is the long term damage here? You didn't have sex with him, all you did was a little oral. You should laugh at the SOB that he missed out on the best part! It's HIS loss, not yours. Don't make it an issue by punishing yourself. You're allowing your pride to make this a bigger deal than it really is. Look at it as a learning experience and move on. Anything else and you're punishing yourself and extending the pain.

[crookster_man]

Do not get angry with yourself for trusting someone. You placing your trust in him and his betrayal are two separate things. You cannot say, "I will never trust again" because what he did is in no way related to what another guy will be like.

 

I know you hurt and feel used. It hurts deeply when the ones we care about abuse our trust and confidence. Dwelling on the betrayal won't solve anything however. What you can do is take what lessons you have learned from this relationship and move forward.

 

Every experience can be a positive one if you learn from it. Remember, Life is %10 what happens to you and %90 how you react to it.

[dfcannon]

I've been emotionally abused by a woman who then "dumped" me as I contemplated ending the relationship, so I have a rough idea of how you feel. Keep in mind that you were on the verge of dumping him, but he beat you to it. So, yes he "wins" if it were a game, but it's not a game, it's your life. And he's out of it now, which is what you wanted. Can you take that knowledge, that you wanted him gone anyway, and walk away? If you can, you regain control. He's only in control if you let him.

 

Back to my experience. I became a lot "tougher" after my experience. Basically, I learned a lot about what I want and when to walk from a relationship simply from the school of hard knocks. You are learning these lessons about 15 years earlier than I did!! So take this lesson with you and move on, wiser for it. You'll be happier in the long run. For the short term, allow yourself these angry feelings...talk it over with a friend or two. It's healthy. The worst you can do is start building emotional blocks and denying these feelings. Let it all out, and you'll be well on your way to healing, which takes time. I think you'll feel a lot better in a few months. Don't date anyone for a few months...get over this guy first, then find someone a lot better.