awkward situation with ex--your thoughts?

[joyce1412]

hi, i'm new here. my boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago because of various issues that go along with being in a long-distance relationship. the only contact we had a couple weeks ago was regarding getting my stuff back (done via text message), we had very civil and restrained communication and i told him to get in touch with me about it next time he's in town.

 

well, before i visited these boards i thought i wanted to see him, have him come over, talk it out, blah blah blah...but after reading about NC i really want to commit to it--unless he were to change his mind and wants to get back together, hence the reason this is on the "getting back together" boards. so yes, i can't deny that the NC and my actions are somewhat motivated by wanting to get back together in addition to wanting to take care of myself.

 

so my question is: i want to get my things back--probably via him dropping my stuff off with my roommate, because i don't think i should have to go to HIS place and get it. he'll likely text me in a few weeks asking when he should bring my stuff over. how should i handle this? should i email him with instructions on getting in touch with my roommate, and just stick to the topic at hand? should i be strict about NC and have my roommate call him and set things up? i'm all about remaining a "challenge" and i don't want my current state of weakness to be visible, but i don't want to seem bitter or like i just can't handle speaking with him.

 

so if anyone has recommendations for how to handle the "exchanging of the things" gracefully, i would really appreciate it!

[kadvati79]

Ask you roommate to square out arrangements with him. My ex lives in another city, I asked a good mutual friend of ours to pick up my stuff from my ex's but not too tell me when he has done it. Eventually, when the pain of the breakup has worn off, I am going to get in touch with my mutual friend and collect the stuff. None of it is particulary earth shatteringly important - so it can wait.

[joyce1412]

nice...i like your method. thanks for your response. but one question...you don't think it would imply, "i'm just too broken to see or speak to you right now?" just a thought.

 

coincidentally, another thing just came up--ugh. a mutual friend of ours is having a birthday party in two weeks. she's better friends with me, but still...i fear he'll be invited, and this kind of goes against the whole NC concept. but she is a great friend of mine and it would probably be rude not to attend. do i go or not?

[ocrob]

I am a strong believer in NC and it helped me a lot. I do believe that sometimes you have to communicate with the other person. I would tell him to bring your stuff by your house and just not be there. Maybe you can make the day and time and somehow let him know that you won't be there, but thanks for dropping your stuff off. You don't want to come accross rude, but I am sure this will really make him think. Just because you will not be talking to him, does not mean that you can't be civil if you see him. I say just avoid him and try NC.

[joyce1412]

again, i very much appreciate the suggestion. it helps to hear from someone who's been there.