Guys and Girls - Double standards!??

[SmintyMinty]

Hi! I am having trouble with an ex-boyfriend! We split up a while ago and we're still really great friends. He has been hassling me a while now to set him up with my girl friends and says he would find it easier to date one of my friends?!? I'm over him and have dated other guys since our breakup. I don't have a problem if he does date one of my friends if they like each other.

 

The only thing is a while back I liked one of my ex-boyfriend's close friends. I asked him out (we'd already split for a year by then) and his friend told me he only had feelings for me as a friend. But I've recently found out that my ex's friend lied to me bout how he really felt and did want to be with me but was afraid of the problems it would cause between him and his friend. My ex also told me at the time that he would never forgive me if I dated one of his friends and said all his friends were off limits. And he also warned his friends off me. Basically my ex figured out for himself that me and his friend has a mutual attraction and feelings going on and did everything he could to stop me and his friend getting together and it worked. So I gave up his friend and I don't see this guy anymore. But I know his friend still thinks about me a lot as he talks about me and asks my ex about me - what I'm up to, if I'm dating anyone etc whenever they hang out. I'm still attracted to this guy but I wouldn't think of doing anything about it as I figure it's in the past and I'm seeing other guys and he has a girlfriend.

 

The prob is now I'm feeling resentful that my ex is asking me to help him do what he never let me do! He thinks it's absolutely ok to date my friends but it's not ok for me to date his friends!

 

What's with that?! Am I wrong to feel this way? Why the double standards?!? Should I tell him my friends are off-limits too and he should meet other girls by himself?! Am I being petty?!

[musicchicus]

Honestly, its an ego thing. Forgive me guys, but...

 

Men have an innate need to feel successful and manly and in control, etc. This comes from the days of cavemen when their goal was to bring home the hunt, etc.

 

Women, however, were more team members. We gathered with the other women and worked together to feed the children (regardless of whos they were), to wash the laundry, etc. (aren't we glad times have changed).

 

Anyway, if your ex fixes you up with one of his friends...he takes the chance that you will find this friend more attractive than you did him, more sexy, more whatever...do you know what I mean? Now, if you were just some fluzy that he had picked up off the street, that would be different...but it is clear that he really cares for you as a friend and isn't prepared to hand you off to another buddy...in a way, this is really sweet.

 

In this situation, I would just call his ego out...I would say hey, if you wanna date my friends then you have to be comfortable with my dating yours. Fix me up...and I'll do the same.

 

 

Good luck

[InaneCathode]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

 

You told the secret you bastard! Thats it, your out of the secret club!

 

I agree completely with this traitor! If my gf dated my friends i would be hurt. It would feel like, i'm not good enough, but my friend is. Plus i coulden't stand being close to something i know i coulden't have!