What Am I?????????

[ScaredFawn]

:s:s:s:s:s:s:s:s

[Lita43]

Hi Sweetie!,

Firstly you are "NOT" a freak and if you aren't sure of your sexual orientation, you will find it in the future.

Sounds to me like you are on the wrong medication and even though I know that there are anti-depressants with side effects, you might possibly need to change what you've been taking.

Your parents obviously kept you and your sister prisoner of sorts and know this is one of the biggest reason's for depression and anxiety.

Being there in my past, I know my Dad's biggest fear is that I would get pregnant at a young age and be a burden to him and the rest of the family.

Even though at my age I understand the concept, it doesn't make it a very happy thought that I wasn't ever respected for my thoughts or even given the chance to be who I was or say what I felt as my own person!

I got sick of hearing over the years on many different levels that "Kids should be seen and not heard."

How absolutely "WRONG!!!!"

That was somebody's lame comment/quote on giving up on the future generations!!!

Anyway, I know you have not been able to use your voice and went out into the world confused and not knowing who you really were.

You experimented and maybe though you might be gay as you just wanted to have somebody to Love You!!!

Maybe you are or maybe not, but the medication may have done alot more harm than good.

It's obvious that your parents were overly controlling and you weren't able to find your voice or self-esteem.

Life is a long hard road if you come from parents that weren't supportive of your thoughts, interests in life or involved in anything about you, your school or friends.

Think about these things and at your age, do you think you could open up the lines of communication with your parents and have a voice now?

Don't be afraid, because in their disappontments of child rearing, maybe it's more than possible that they have learned more to be open and honest with you now! Just ask and can you really lose that much more than you already have?

Being open and honest for some kind of resolution in your relationship might be more than you even contemplated, so I'd try it!

I'd hate to see you continuously flounder when the answers or resolution may be closer than you know and right at your fingertips!

I had a real "Hate On" for my Dad and didn't forgive him till I was 33 years old and you have a chance to get it rectified earlier.

Let us know how things are going, but still look into changing your meds if you are still on them and you can PM me to let me know what you've been on.

Over the years I've been on several and can tell you my experiences on the different one's. Not all good!

 

Take Care and Will Pray For You, Lita~

 

God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The People I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The One I Can and The Wisdom To Know It's Me!

 

Quote: "Every Day You Don't Learn Anything New Is A Day Wasted!" Lita~

 

Quote: "If I Could Scoop Everybody Out Of The Bowl Of Sour and Dump Them Into God's Bowl Of Sweet, Everyone Would Be...." Lita~

[ScaredFawn]

Dear Lita43,

Thank you for your understanding a your support...

I am sorry you have a hard relationship with your dad too. You suggested that I talk with my parents more.... Well, my gf has been wonderful with bringing my family closer together. The thing is, they love her so much, and she loves them so much, they arent really supportive of me in all this and my questionning. I opened up to my mother about my sexual orientation confusion a month ago. I cried a lot and she kept telling me that in my situation, with the problems I have, I wont be able to get anyone nearly as good as Laura if I * * * * this up. That I was very lucky they accepted me being gay, that guys are gonna beat me up and cheat on me, and so on. I havent felt accepted and understood. My parents are older, around their 60s, so I guess in those days sexual orientation was unspoken of. She said to me that I cant be both, (bi) and I said YES I COULD BE! I feel horrible. Laura is my whole life, I have no social life, I have no carreer, no nothing, except for her, and she is an incredible woman, I want those feelings of confusion to stop because they are tearing us apart and this is my chance now to be happy, why cant I be? This is absolutly horrible. We are 3 days away from moving to our very own apartment, we have 2 beautiful kitties that are almost as old as our relationship, they are our babies. We have the same thoughts about life, love, commitment, raising kids, everything........... The 2 biggest problems to me was that she wasnt interested much is sex (now she is and I dont even feel like I want it), and she has problems communicating her feelings and thoughts (except that she tells me she loves me all the time). Those problems have almost ruined our relationship a lot of times, and I tried to get professional help but couldnt afford it.

I think when I started feeling less sure about her, less in love and all, was 2 months ago, I tried to kiss with her and she didnt feel like it, like usual, and that night my feelings changed. And since then, I started having male fantasies. I want it to stop so bad. I dont want to change my life! For sex! God! Lose everything I have for sex! How stupid! Yet I cant stop envying people for having sex, straight sex, why is that. I never felt that way before my stupid hormones kicked in! I do get very turned on doing things to her, but something is missing. For a long time it was mostly that whenever we'd have sex she would be the only one getting to feel anything, it'd be like I do you or you do me kinda thing except whenever I do you comes around for me Id feel like she's a bored gynecologist. I think all this might have a lot to do about my confusion, feeling like if I was straight we could both get pleasure at the same time. I want to disappear right now. I feel like I cant stay in this relationship but she is the most precious thing in the world to me, and she would be the perfect partner for me if only we didnt have the issues we have, and even beyond those issues, she started working on both of them very very hard recently, but i feel like, too little too late, I cant stop the questionning now. I want us to be together forever, I dont want this to happen, just now is the beginning of our new life, she was to help me start vonlonteer work and maybe go back to college........... She is so wonderful I love her so much but I keep wondering about romantic feelings for her, if Im straight and all. thanks for the talk...