jeeper Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 When a girl tells you things like... "i meant what i said when i told you your the kind of guy i want to marry" "everything is going to be ok between us" "i want to love you like you love me" background... im in love with this girl and we tried a relationship but she knows its gonna end for college so she wants to be best friends(before you say anything, yes we can do that and have been, for some reason things are never really awkward for me and her...) Link to comment
blender Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 If you really love this girl, then make sure you have your own "standards/values/self-respect" in high gear as you venture into "friendship for now" category... with each step just be sure not to "ask for a definition" of HER feelings towards you, but instead, read her actions/reactions towards you, and I mean the confident you... If you really want to be mature about it and make her really "think highly" of you, then simply respond with nothing more than, "I love you too, and I'm looking forward to whatever the future has in store for "me", (don't say "us") and I hope to meet all my new challenges, this is going to be quite a big change for us, it's exciting".. Believe me if you say this,, she will think... should I just be letting him go off and find what else is out there..he's a catch...and some other girls will defintely notice this and he is acting so mature and confident about the whole thing.... that's a real turn on to women...trust me, protect your own dreams and self respect and be more than happy to "include her" if that is what fate has in store... but do NOT ask for any "guarentees" or "definitions" of her love.. it just makes a girl feel, well, not ready to be involved with you.. do you know what I mean... us girls LOVE guys who are independent, kind, self assured and do NOT "need" us too much, but "want" what is best for themselves and the girl in their lives.. this is time for YOU to venture out and be on your own too..... it's going to be so much better than you can even imagine... embrace the unknown with confidence.. 1 Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 the first two comments that you quoted, should definitely give you hope, but they are completely negated by the third comment, so you should move on. Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 hmmm...blender your awesome. heh heh thanks a lot. oh yea and im still interested in what the rest of yall have to say Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 the first two comments that you quoted, should definitely give you hope, but they are completely negated by the third comment, so you should move on. hmmm darn...i was trying to justify it(3rd comment) and came up with college again. and i know thats a HUGE thing on her mind right now... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 hmmm darn...i was trying to justify it(3rd comment) and came up with college again. and i know thats a HUGE thing on her mind right now... yeah, if one person says, " i want to love you like you love me", there's not much to say, but "goodbye". Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 yeah, if one person says, " i want to love you like you love me", there's not much to say, but "goodbye". eh, i cant really argue with that...she did follow it by sayin everything was gonna be ok...although it was a text message...not sure if that makes it better or worse lol. the thing i hear most is the first two quotes....damn i dont know... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 what i think could be happening is she really cares about you but not to the point of seeing you as 'the one'. sucks, i'm sure, but that last phrase --i don't know if i would have ever said that to the guy i loved.....so, if she's saying that to you it just seems like she's not quite there....maybe at some date in the future there could be a possibility for you two...but she's probably young, and maybe doesn't really know what she wants yet. Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 she admits to being confused and also being confusing(to me) and i basically know she doesnt quite know what she wants...and also that things would be totally different if this was a year ago(not worried about college) Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 are you not going to the same college? Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 are you not going to the same college? nooo...we are gonna be about 2 and half to 3 hours apart... i understand that she wants to go to college single, shes had that idea for a while and i knew about it...im more trying to figure out why she is saying those things to me about marriage and everything bein ok...she still talks about seeing each other on our breaks since we obviously live in the same hometown. and has talked about after college a little... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 nooo...we are gonna be about 2 and half to 3 hours apart... i understand that she wants to go to college single, shes had that idea for a while and i knew about it...im more trying to figure out why she is saying those things to me about marriage and everything bein ok...she still talks about seeing each other on our breaks since we obviously live in the same hometown. and has talked about after college a little... first of all i really don't understand her mentality (in the part that i underlined). i mean i don't think i could ever be that controlled or calculating about things. that strikes me as strange, especially within the context that we are discussing. second, you know it's possible she is trying to keep you on the line as a back up. i mean, maybe not consciously, but... Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Someone has actually suggested that im on the shelf for later.... as for her mentality...she was in a long relationship right before me and her started seeing each other...and i kinda got the impression he was a little controling, mainly towards her and me. Her ex didnt want us to hangout cuz he thought i liked her(and we had dated before) so the best thing i can come up with is that she doesnt wanna be tied down at all. and im pretty sure her brother had an influence by telling her she might want to be, or should be. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 since your 17, i'm guessing she's approximately your same age. at that age sometimes people do not really know what they want in life, or relationships, it's really hard to see long term. when i was around her age i dumped a good guy, but certainly not because he was a good guy. he was nice and cute and all that, and i did care about him, but i just couldn't see that far in the future at that time. that said, it was still hard to completely let him go, but i did know it would be unfair for me to keep him around just so i wouldn't get scared and lonely and all that. Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 so are you suggesting she wants to let me go but cant quite do it...? Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 maybe...or...maybe she isn't sure if she wants to or not? puts you in a bad spot. i doubt she's doing it on purpose though. i mean after i dumped 'good guy', i really didn't want to think of the possibility of him ever moving on! how unfair is that? he didn't want to though, but it's like i just wasn't sure where i was at, and i didn't think it was far to keep him around 'just in case', yet i sure didn't want anyone else to have him! so yes i think it's possible that she wants to spread her wings a bit, but still might come back to you. oh, yep, your in for some interesting times ahead... Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 lol.....man....i guess we will see how the summer turns out and how we can do the "best friend" thing... interesting times you say....oh boy... another thing...i know she kinda freaked out cuz i was getting close to her family(working with her dad on cars, and then i ended up having lunch with her dad, bro, uncle and grandparents...) certain things she does/reactions she has makes me think she is scared of falling in love or caring about me so much before she has to leave for college. during one of our "discussions" about college when i told her i was willing to try a relationship in college she said something to the effect of "your feelings about me will change" and shes said things like "its ok though, by then youll be in love with someone else sadly, but youll be happy so it will all be good" in response to something happeneing after college... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 yeah, i don't know how you can calculatingly go from being a romantic couple together, and then one day (set a date!) oops, it's 12:01, so now we're 'best friends'. what is that? If she were really in love i don't see how she could do that. i just couldn't see it. it's probably gonna be a tough time for you, as you will either be left in limbo, or you will shut the door and move on. Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 things started to change shortly before we talked about just being friends...things that would define us as a couple, kissing, holding hands, hangin out a lot, little things...got the impression she thought things were going where she wasnt ready for them to go or didnt want them to go... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 yeah, actually that is a possibility. maybe she's just clinging to you right now because she's about to go off into the unknown, like a security blanket. but on the upside, maybe that is why you are clinging to her? maybe you two are just not quite eachother's cup o' tea? Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 Ill admit to being scared to go into the unknown(college) however i honestly dont think having her would make it easier... now lets see...what i mean by that...the fact that we would be doing a long distance relationship would be awesome i think trying that would be harder than going single...if you see where im going with this?? I know shes "my cup of tea" (beware, cliffnotes version of what has happened with us) we actually dated right after our freshman year and i broke up with her, shortly thereafter i regretted my decision. she started going out with another guy(they dated almost 2 years). finally told her how i felt, they broke up shortly after, i sorta moved in and she said she wasnt ready...i backed off..found another girl, talked to her nothin really happened. she indicated she was now interested in me(this about...november of last year) i was torn between 2 girls (the new one who i didnt know much about and THE girl) screwed around trying to make up my mind, told THE girl i wanted to be friends...realized i totally screwed up AGAIN and told her. she didnt really trust me, bout a month later we started dating and had been until recently... and about going to the unknown...she is really strong and the fact she SAYS she wants to be single makes me think she wants to go out on her own... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 yeah, this sounds kind of confusing, so where's the 'other' girl now? well, you're both so young, you know sometimes you think you could never ever like anyone again, and actually you meet someone who you do like eventually. not in exactly the same way, but in a different way, and it can be really good. don't be afraid. things will work out for the best in the end, i'm trying to hold on to that little glimmer of hope myself, i guess we all do! Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 yeah, this sounds kind of confusing, so where's the 'other' girl now? well, you're both so young, you know sometimes you think you could never ever like anyone again, and actually you meet someone who you do like eventually. not in exactly the same way, but in a different way, and it can be really good. don't be afraid. things will work out for the best in the end, i'm trying to hold on to that little glimmer of hope myself, i guess we all do! The other girl turned out to be totally immature...among other things. Im pretty sure that i could find someone else i might love as much as her...but i dont really care about finding someone else right now...maybe im being narrow minded? Ive also changed a lot since me and her dated the first time, im really a different person. dated a number of girls before and after we first dated...i guess i see the fact that i saw all those other girls and still wanted to be with rachael(figured id say her name insted of "that girl" tells me that she is something special Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 yeah, she probably is special. and she probably thinks you are, too. this one's just gonna have to play itself out. maybe you could just say ok, if we're both still single and want to try again, then we will. i'm a little hesitant to say that because it leaves room for feelings of betrayal if one of you does move on with someone else, false hope and all that. but this is something that it sounds like you guys both agreed on a while back. Link to comment
jeeper Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 yeah, she probably is special. and she probably thinks you are, too. this one's just gonna have to play itself out. maybe you could just say ok, if we're both still single and want to try again, then we will. i'm a little hesitant to say that because it leaves room for feelings of betrayal if one of you does move on with someone else, false hope and all that. but this is something that it sounds like you guys both agreed on a while back. I was kinda scared of that.... we actually have sorta touched on seeing whats up later on thats when she said that ill be in love with someone else to which i responded about her being someone i will always love and will always have a place in my heart. so i guess we'll see...... Link to comment
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