Another problem well kinda

[lovecrazy]

Well a little background info!

 

My father left us when I was 6 years old, died when I was 10. My step father came into my life when I was I believe 7....and he has been here ever since....And now he is leaving. We live in Georgia, orginally we are all from Michigan, and moved down here about 8 years ago. Well my step father has 4 sons of his own, who all live in Michigan, and he wants to be near his kids. So he is leaving for good as far as I know. My mother and step father never married. So no divorce, just a clean break. But it honestly hurts. This man has been in my life for half of my life. He raised be as his own, and now he is leaving. That really does hurt. I am mad, upset, and sad all at the same time. Now since he is leaving my mother is afraid she will have to get a second job to afford to live in the house we are currently in.

 

It is My Mother, sister, and I living in this house. I have had finacial trouble myself, which I recently just declared bankruptcy, due to owing 6 grand on a car that was totalled....my sister lost her job, and is behind on her bills, She found a new job, and has been working she should be getting her first check soon, but as of right now she now she cant afford to help out. I myself, will not be able to either....until June when I have paid off all the lawyers... So right now I guess this is just a rant, of sadness. It really does hurt that I have ever father figure leave. I am starting to feel like I did when my father left. I had issues...although I was 6 but still...emotional problems seem to come easy to me.

 

I am afraid this will affect more of my life. I dont trust men because of my father, things he did, and didnt do. I have a hard time trusting anyone for that matter. So that does creat problems in my relationships with boyfriends. I doubt it will have any effect on Win and I. At least I am hoping. I am afraid I will start to question everything about my existence.

 

So please some advice...or even a Hey you will be ok would be great....

 

basically I am upset because the only father I have ever known is leaving and it really does hurt.

 

I can see the worry and pain in my mothers eyes...And I am afraid I cant stop that. I am afraid that I will have to get a 3rd job to help with the bills. Becuase my mother is 62 years old and doesnt need to kill herself over rent. I am 22 and more able to do longer hours of work. So as her daughter, I will help as much as I can.

 

Anyways thanks for your help/advice...its has helped in the past...Everyone have a great night!

[SxcLady]

Are your mother and step father breaking up for a different reason or just because he wants to be closer to his kids?

[southerngirl]

Im so sorry this is happening. As SxcLady said, is there more to the breakup or did he say he just wants to be where his kids are?

[lovecrazy]

My mother said something like he feels we dont love him, or something...But me always saying I love you, or something along those lines, doesnt show it...I hug the man....and bring him stuff when he needs it....I am not sure about my Mother and His relationship...I just know she never wanted to get married, so that might have helped with his decision....also He does miss his kids, and grand kids, which I completely understand. And honestly If my mother isnt happy here she should do what is best for her. My sister and I will do fine on our own...Although she wont go because of us. I know that for a fact.

 

But I honestly dont know what to do.....I have barely spoken to him since I got home on Sunday.

[SxcLady]

Speak to him about it. I was going to say cant you all move with him but if its a proper break up ... (for a different reason other than his kids) then couldnt you all move with him? but obviously its more of a break up than a miss my kids thing.

[littlemiss26]

I agree with what SxcLady says, talk to him about how all this is makeing you feel and let him know how much you do look to him as yur father.

Things will be alright.

[SxcLady]

Removed....

[lovecrazy]

Well I am honestly not sure if I do want to speak with him. His kids are well over the age of 30, My sister and I are ages 24 and 22. So we are his youngest. But honestly if he wants to leave who am I to stop him.

 

I honestly feel he should do what he thinks is best for him. I just want everyone to be happy. And honestly its probably best its just My mother, my sister and I. We have always been great the 3 of us. Most of my mother doing the work, since we were only kids when this started.

 

If I were to speak with my step dad, then I would do or say something I might regret. And honestly I really just want him to be gone. I can take care of my mother by myself. And help her buy a house, and a new car. With hard work, and plenty of hours. It can be done hopefully by the end of the year.

 

Anyways I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

[littlemiss26]

Rather than talking to him why not write a letter for him to take away with him. Maybe then you wouldn't say something you'd regret.

[SxcLady]

Wait you say you dont want him to leave... but then you say you "honestly I really just want him to be gone." ?????

[lovecrazy]

Wait you say you dont want him to leave... but then you say you "honestly I really just want him to be gone." ?????

 

 

Sorry I meant to say, I dont want him to leave, but who am I to stop him from leaving. When he wants to be near his kids. He has been a big part of my life since I was 7 and I love him dearly. He should know how much he does mean to me, I have told him plenty of times.

[SxcLady]

Will you both stay in touch?

[lovecrazy]

Hoenstly not sure...I believe he will end up staying up there for a few months, then asking to come back....so I am not sure what to expect!

[SxcLady]

try to keep in touch with him. Tell him how he was your father figure and how you will not see him as anything else. Even in a letter.

[southerngirl]

Tell him how you feel and its also unfair for your mother to be laying such a heavy load on you as to say that he thinks you dont love him. he has been your dad for years and years. There has to be more to the story. Just tell him tha tyou love him and thank you for being your dad all these years, that it meant the world to you and you hope that even if they split up he will still be your dad.

 

If thats not how you feel dont tell him that but just trying to help ya find the words. I do however think that you should tell him your feelings whatever those may be before its too late.

[lovecrazy]

My step father is strange at times. He is amanic Depressive, which basically means a chemcial imbalance in his brain, and he isnt on meds. Which honestly in my opinon he is better off the meds, then he is on them.

 

I was sitting around thinking yesterday about past times that he has done this. And I could only think of one. And it was back in 1998 when he wasnt working, and was feeling sorry for himself, that he started acting about the same way. He did get on his meds, and became some what violent, because the Dr. gave him too much of a doseage. And it back fired. and his brain wasnt operating correctly...He didnt get to where he was abour to kill us. But he did leave bruises on my sister and I.

 

I have tackled him to stop him from going after my sister. (btw this was in 1998) After that he left for close to a year, and it was a very peaceful time. But honestly it was too stable for my taste. My family always moves every year to few years. And it was always nice to start over in a new place. My step dad may be crazy but he is the best man in the world. He I think right now, since he isnt working as good as he used to, he is becoming cooky again. Honestly not sure what to do. He is strange at times, but harmless.

 

My mother wasnt trying to be mean about what he was feeling. She also told me my step dad feels like my sister and I havent grown up.

 

Since I was 17 I have been paying for my own bills, clothes food. and rent when I could afford it. My mother hasnt really demanded of me to pay rent. Just for the stuff I want. examples: car, insurance, cell phone, clothes etc.

 

My sister when she was around 17 would have my mother put a car in her name, then not pay for it. She would say she was going to work but then would be at home sleeping or going out with her friends. My sister got into trouble with the law...which honestly it was BS. and my step dad paid off her probation. She did get married, and my parents had to bail her out of that. She doesnt pick the best boyfriends, guys who abuise her, or cheat on her.

 

Also she would never keep a job, always sleeping in being late for work. When she got married she would go to work, and was at the same job for almost 3 years, but then she started going out all the time, and getting behind on her car payment, and then she wouldnt go to work on time, so they fired her. She has helped ruin my mothers credit. She was out of work for about 2 months. She finally found a job, but its hard to wake her up. She has a problem with over sleeping. Kind of a family curse, I guess...

 

As for me, I have a problem with speeding tickets. The last two I have gotten, the fines were close to $1000.00 and my step dad had to help me with those. And I have thanked him....Told him I would work for him to pay him back. And he refused, just told me not to let it happen again. I have tried to stay out of trouble with speeding tickets, and I have a led foot.

 

I need to have a talk with my sister, about her job, and working habits. I have talked with her before. Honestly I feel its time, that her and I move out, and let our parents have a life. I have been wanting to move out, and get on my own, and I can in June. My sister, has to get her bills caught up, and then she can move out eventually.

 

I have told my mother, that I will get another job to help pay the rent for June, and get us straightened out.

 

Just working 4 jobs is going to suck. I have a full time job Mon-Fri, then on Saturday and Sunday I work at a resturant. Then I have an on call job, that I work at maybe 2-3 times a month. Then this job, wil be in the evening. So lord, this month should be fun.

 

Anyways, I know you are thinking my family is crazy, and disfuntional and actually that is the correct word for my family. But it hasnt been all that bad.

 

Anyways everyone thanks for listening.

[SxcLady]

As long as you have a plan about what is going to happen. And please do stay in touch with your step dad. I know you will with your mum ... your too nice to not keep in touch with her! and dont overdo yourself with the 4 jobs ... I am not working at all at the moment but was working 2 for a year and it nearly killed me ... i cant imagine 4!!!

 

GoodLuck and keep us updated!!!

[lovecrazy]

Well last night took the cake, my step father basically told me I was no good, said the same for my sister. I explained above the reasons why.

 

He can go up to Michigan and stay out of our lives. Will work great for me.

 

So I left my house at 11 pm and came to stay at my boyfriends house, until he is gone. Which hopefully will be ok with his mother. I am honestly not sure.

 

Anyways I am fine with it, I got to see the true side of him, and I dont wnat anything to do with him. end of story.

 

Thanks again for your help.

[SxcLady]

OK I didnt think he was that bad but obviously we dont know unless you tell us... Good Stay away from him! Thats a good idea to stay at your boyfriends ... if your bfs mum says anything ... explain your situation to her. Let her know he has been physical before. Where is your sister? Is she safe?

[lovecrazy]

My step father I doubt will get physical with anyone. He may be a jerk, but he isnt an abusier.

 

He has never said anything like that before to me or my sister.

 

My mother is safe. John (my step dad) is just being a jerk.

 

My sister and my mother are fine.

 

My boyfriends mother is ok with me staying there, I told her it should only be until the weekend. Which really I think it will be Tuesday night when I go home

[SxcLady]

ok as long as everyone is safe. And i just thought maybe he might get physical because i thought you said he has gotten physical once before.

[lovecrazy]

ok as long as everyone is safe. And i just thought maybe he might get physical because i thought you said he has gotten physical once before.

 

 

I did say that....it was about 10 years ago. And he has actually changed and grown past that. But I am sure my sister, and mother are safe. If he were to hurt anything he would set his truck on fire, cause he is just crazy like that.

[SxcLady]

ok thats cool then i mustve missed that part.

[lovecrazy]

***UPDATE***

 

My mother just told me a few minutes ago, that John (step dad) is changing his tones, and honestly this is so ridicilous that I have to be put through BS because he is feeling sorry for himself. I hate this BS. And honestly its so stupid. I told my mother I didnt want him around me. And Honestly if I see him I would be enclinded to slap him.

[southerngirl]

Is he bipolar