What to do when there's nothing you can do

[itsuss]

Ill explain the situation that im going through, it will be pretty long but I would appreciate if you could please read through it.

 

I just finished my senior year of university. My best friend whom I have feelings for is 2 years from finishing her degree (we met through friends and pretty much became best friends after that). Its hard to believe that we were once best friends because I probably dont deserve someone like her in the first place. Anyways, we became really close in my 2nd year and were often referred to as a couple even though we were just friends. Eventually I started to have feelings for her and everything went downhill from there. The theory that a guy and a girl cant be friends is unfortunately true.

 

When I asked her out she agreed knowing why I asked her out. We tried to create a relationship but it didnt work out and we drifted a part. She always told me that she missed us being such great friends before and when she wanted to stop trying to work out a relationship she hoped that we could be the same way as before. It didn't work out. She moved on with her boyfriend and I just moved on trying to get over her.

 

After a few months of NC on my part she contacts me and tells me to give her a call if I wanted to do something and that she would try to contact me.

 

Now, If I ask her to do something would it be a friend thing or something more? I know it is pretty stupid of me to think otherwise but I just wanted to make sure(i guess in some kinda hope that maybe it would something more). I haven't denied the fact that I still have feelings for her and I think she knows that so why bother contacting me?

 

I dont want to bring that fact up because I don't want to ruin the chance of being atleast friends with her again. I guess I could go through the pain as long as shes in my life somewhat.

 

My ask question was: what should I do in this situation? should I contact her and forget what happened or bring that up and potentially ruin any chance of even a friendship? If I ask her to do something, do you think she would take it as a going out thing or a friends hanging out thing?

[a2000]

You have been 'friendzoned'

thereforeeee if you 'hang out' with her, it will never be anything more than that. She obviously wants to be your friend but it just depends on whether you can handle being 'just friends'

If you can't you should be polite about it but continue NC.

Maybe you should find a girlfriend so your attention is off her for a bit and it will help you get over her.

[Momene]

You have been 'friendzoned'

thereforeeee if you 'hang out' with her, it will never be anything more than that. She obviously wants to be your friend but it just depends on whether you can handle being 'just friends'

If you can't you should be polite about it but continue NC.

Maybe you should find a girlfriend so your attention is off her for a bit and it will help you get over her.

 

Agree. She might even advise you how to find someone else or know someone suitable.

[Lita43]

What do you mean "There's nothing you can do?"

 

Only you have the deciding power and many things in life are either created or fated.

 

Guy's and girl "CAN" just be friends, but as in your situation, your feelings grew into something more and she didn't have those feelings the same way.

 

I had a male buddy in school for many years and even though he was attractive in his looks, the spark of romance never came into play on my part.

 

After being best bud's for about 5 years, he tried to kiss me and it just wrecked the whole thing!!!

 

See I can relate on the woman's side, because then every time you see your friend you have this kind of "stress" knowing that the relationship has taken a turn and you are no longer on the same page.

 

It's much harder to communicate when you alway's have the "I know he has feelings for me" nagging at your brain. Very uncomfortable!

 

Ok, now I have to back up the train as I got a bit off course as I wanted to make some points about a comment you made in the beginning of your post.

 

Why would you say that you didn't deserve "Someone like her in the first place?"

 

You may be putting those low self-esteem vibes out there much more than you know and could be partially to blame for this not going the way you had hoped.

 

I think women especially love a strong/yet sensitive, intelligant, self-assured/confident men, so maybe you just have to do a little homework on yourself of sorts.

 

I'd still be straight up and honest as to why she was calling to make plans and simply say, "Well it would be great to get together, but I need to know if this is a date/date a friend date or what?"

 

Hiding in pain and wonder is no solution and deserve to know if there could possibly be the relationship or not.

 

If she runs away, then it wasn't meant to be and in time you will get over it.

 

What is.... is, what was.... was and the best is yet to be! Don't remember who said that, but it's true.

 

Think about some of this and you'll figure out to do next, so keep the faith!

 

Good Luck! Lita~

 

God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The People I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The One I Can and The Wisdom To Know It's Me!

 

Quote: "A Day You Don't Learn Anything New Is A Day Wasted!" Lita~

[hosswhispra]

I'd still be straight up and honest as to why she was calling to make plans and simply say, "Well it would be great to get together, but I need to know if this is a date/date a friend date or what?"

 

Hiding in pain and wonder is no solution and deserve to know if there could possibly be the relationship or not.

 

If she runs away, then it wasn't meant to be and in time you will get over it.

 

If you call her, ask her straight out if it's a date/date, exactly what Lita says. If it's a friend date--move on--for your own serenity. Unrequited love stinks and you deserve better. Especially when there are people out there that desire the same thing you do.