Should I move on...or make the move?

[ty1982]

My story is pretty common – I met a guy in school and we became friends. Not best friends, but we had a lot of mutual friends and attended the same social functions. A few months later I began to feel somthing more and thought it would be great to take our friendship to the next level. But like so many others, I was unsure about what to do - how could I tell him my true feelings? That initial "spark" I felt between us was more than two years ago and now, after all this time, I seem to be in the same position.

I wasn't completely overwhelmed with feelings from him for all this time. I had other interests and thought about him less frequently, especially when we graduated and began careers in different cities. I thought because we finished school we would drift apart like many friends tend to do. I still thought of him from time to time, but overall I thought I moved on.

Around a month ago I got an awesome promotion at work and was relocated. And yes, to the same city as my "friend". Before my move, I thought I should reconnect with some old classmates that were in the city. I just for fun, I thought I would include him. He seemed fairly excited I was returning…and I felt myself getting excited to see him again.

I saw him again for the first time in months last weekend and again, I can officially say my feelings have returned. But I feel even more confused than ever. Before I had school to distract me – now it feels it is the perfect time to be in a relationship. I am at that time in my life to find someone. And I want to try it out with him. My problem is this – how do I make that first move? I am not completely scared to be rejected by him. Of course it would be awful, but at least I would know. I am just hesitant because we have so many mutual friends. If I tell him, all of my other friends will know, and if he rejects me, they will all hear about it. If our friendship turns sour because of my confessions, how will our mutual friends react? Will they have to choose sides? Will it turn everyone against me/him?

I am not excepting us to live happily ever after or anything. I just want to know how he feels and I want him to know how I feel about him. Then, if the feelings are mutual, we can try it out – taking our friendship to the next level. There have been many times in the past that I felt that he likes me as well. Small signs that I notice – eye contacts, grabbing my hand, etc. I just don't understand if he feels this way why he hasn't made any moves. I feel there is something holding him back.

I need advice – what should I do? Do I just tell him and hope all goes well? Do I take it slow and see what happens (my current approach – hello 2 years of waiting!!!)? How do I tell him? What do I do????

Any advice or previous experiences are greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading friends!

[monsieur]

well, Im a guy, and my advice to you is to crank up the flirting, touch him much more often, compliment his shirt and rub his arm at the same time, walk up behind him and tousle his hair a bit, try to suggest and schedule much more time together. text message and email him more. like I said, crank it up a couple notches and if you start to get through to him crank it up a couple more. good luck!

[Heartshock]

Hiya Ty1982,

 

Move On?????!!!! You haven't moved up to it yet girl.

 

I would not suggest heartfelt declarations just at this stage. Definitly not!

 

Just send a casual e-mail asking if he is up for going out to see that new highly aclaimed Movie/Show/Exhibition (whatever your mutual interest is)

 

After all you are the new girl in town and its natural that you'll want you old buddy to show ya around.

 

From there I'm sure you'll be able to use your intuition to work out whether its a goer or not. If he is up for it, I'm sure he'll drop some subtle hints on the date, if not, well your just two friends meeting up. Either way you will get your answer and what you need to move on/forward.

 

 

No harm done. No embaressment.

 

Get to it girl. Time's a passing

 

 

 

Heartshock

[monsieur]

good ideas, heartshock, but I think I must add the importance of her making some type of aggressive moves, the guy may think all she wants is friendship, no matter what, and he may be unwilling to ever make a move, even if it is killing him inside, she must step up the flirting and more touching if she wants more to come of this relationship

[ty1982]

Thanks for the advice friends - I'm going to try it out and hike up the flirting, emailing, etc Wish me luck!!

[ty1982]

Hi Again....

 

Thanks again for the help, and i would like some more if that's ok! I took your advice and started emailing more often, suggesting we get together for dinner, etc. That was more than I have ever done before so I'll gave myself a little pat on the back. I did get some replys from him - nothing really out of the ordinary tho. Yes he wants to go out, but not sounding like he is in any rush to see me. Now my question - should I keep emailing him and asking him to meet up? I don't want to seem desperate, but I want to get the hint out there. I can't really make the flirty/touchy moves until I see him in person, so I need schedule some 1-1 time with him. Maybe my emails aren't being flirty enough?

 

But how much is too much? Should I just sit back and wait, or should I keep asking to see him? Is there anything else I could do to show him I want to take our friendship further? I'm thinking he doesn't realize I want to see him on more of a "date" vs. friends hanging out.

 

Again, thanks for your help friends!

[Momene]

Suggest a definite time and place. Should work.