"friendzoned" solutions

[swordfish]

hey peeps. is there a way to get out of the friendzone situation? is it a case of just telling the person how you feel?

[PocoDiablo]

That's the exact OPPOSITE of what works.

 

Don't want to get friendzoned, go read this article for starters...

 

Why you must ask her out on a date

link removed

 

Then this one:

 

Tips for your first date

link removed

 

Yeah, that's my site. link removed. Enjoy!

[swordfish]

ok, what it you spend time with this person doing things they like? e.g. sports, long walks etc

[PocoDiablo]

The longer you wait to ask them on a date, again the lower your chances. The whole point of going on a date with someone is to (1) show them you have confidence (2) let them know you like them as more than friends and (3) ... gasp ... get to know them, so you can go do things together like sports, long walks, etc...

 

Otherwise, if you do not make your intentions clear from the start, when you try to make a move 6 months down the line, it becomes apparent that you were possibly just trying to make a move and trick her into liking you.

 

Seriously. If you like a girl, ask her on a date within 2-3 times of meeting her. 2-3 weeks? Not likely. 2-3 months? Forget it. 2-3 years? Not!

[swordfish]

good points. i know also for a fact that some of my mates started off in friendly dispositions at first for a while, but then started seeing each other properly, and lasted years and still going strong. we have had lunch together as well. i kinda think im in the middle between friends and more than. i am seeing her 2nite in a club, but shes gonna be out with mates. any last tips?

[monsieur]

I'm 6 months in the friendzone, and still have hopes.... I truly believe in my heart that it is possible, she knows how I feel, and she keeps inviting me and stuff so I think there has just got to be hope....... I don't understand a woman's heart completely, but I believe that with the right love being offered them consistently for long enough that it is possible for her heart to open for you..... good luck to you and good luck to me too.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

As soon as I'm friendzoned, I'm moving on. I have to time to hope and pray that maybe she'll see me beyond that. The next thing I'll know, I'm too old to do anything about it. If she wants to "just be friends" then I must be missing something, thereforeeee I'll either get that missing piece or, if that;s out of the question and I totally fell head over heels for her, I'm outta there.

[monsieur]

I dunno, that is easier said then done when you are head over heels.

 

I know, my heart pulls me in directions that make no sense, but that is the way it is.

[PocoDiablo]

Yah, but the problem is you spend 6 months trying to get with a woman who has already decided you are not worthy of dating. So in those 6 months you have missed out on dozens of other women and opportunities. In fact, other women see you being stuck on her and realize you are not worthy of dating.

 

You have One-itis.

 

If you were to go out and date 20 other women, do you really think you'd still feel the same about about this woman who won't give you time of day?

 

There's a reason why you're friendzoned - it's because you allow yourself to be and it's unattractive to everyone else. As long as you hang on her is how long you will never be able to move onto the next step and meet the woman you are supposed to be with.

[swordfish]

as much as id hate to admit it, poco has a point. i have missed out on a lot of nice people because of hanging onto one person, in a way making excuses thinking maybe they may get upset if i started seeing someone else, even if we arent properly seeing each other. its something major that i need to change for myself and its going to be hard.

[PocoDiablo]

How hard is it to go out with your friends and say hi to a stranger? You never know, they might be nice. And if they're not, great, you figured that out quickly so you can move on to the next person.

 

Until you find someone cool.

[monsieur]

I honestly have zero desire to meet anyone else. absolutely zero. the idea seems like such a huge letdown I just can't even think of it. my heart is invested so deeply in this girl and every day I get even more attached to her. if I do ultimately fail, I think I will stay single for a very very long time. she invited me over yesterday, today I am already checking my email every 15 minutes hoping she will call me. I dreamt about her last night. I know it's hard because she said she only wanted to be friends, but how can a person possibly go on like this and not get more connected? it just makes no sense. the longer I treat her so well logic says that her heart will open for me. every day that goes by I get more and more deeply attached to her.

[CamGuy]

I honestly have zero desire to meet anyone else. absolutely zero. the idea seems like such a huge letdown I just can't even think of it. my heart is invested so deeply in this girl and every day I get even more attached to her. if I do ultimately fail, I think I will stay single for a very very long time. she invited me over yesterday, today I am already checking my email every 15 minutes hoping she will call me. I dreamt about her last night. I know it's hard because she said she only wanted to be friends, but how can a person possibly go on like this and not get more connected? it just makes no sense. the longer I treat her so well logic says that her heart will open for me. every day that goes by I get more and more deeply attached to her.

 

Monsieur, wait, you already told this woman how you feel, and you are still PRETENDING to be just friends? You are torturing yourself. STOP HANGING OUT WITH HER. Not to mention, ideally, you don't want to make love to your friends. So move on. i am sure you have plenty of REAL friends. Why torture yourself with one more than isnt going to meet your needs.

[monsieur]

you are right, it does feel like torture every day

 

I am the prototypical nice guy that is very subtle from day one, my only hope of ever getting girls is through the friend route and hoping it just happens.

 

I've had numerous girlfriends in the past too, so it is not like she is the first or anything. But she is by far the most special and only one that I have felt so extremely in need of.

 

I pissed her off by subtly suggesting more which got a little too direct at one point which is when she gave me the 'friends only' speech, but I don't think I am misleading her by staying friends because I am still giving very subtle suggestions as I go, I don't want to piss her off again and I am hoping to wait for the right time as her heart hopefully opens for me the more we are together. I know my heart opens more and more for her every passing day, I get more and more attached to her every day..... so it makes sense that there could be hope that the same will happen in her heart.

[monsieur]

there must be some success stories out there? come on people, if you were in a friends relationship that ended up romantic, what happened to turn the tides? what are your secrets or how did your SO convince you?

[Iceman26]

hey peeps. is there a way to get out of the friendzone situation? is it a case of just telling the person how you feel?

 

I have to admit, when I was single I was never in the "friendzone" with a girl. A long time ago, one of my friends girlfriends told me that girls don't see me as the "friend" type, which was perfectly fine with me.

 

I think though, that if a girl refers to you as her friend, she is simply letting you know that you are friends, so you don't try and cross a line that she doesn't want crossed.

 

In my opinion, if you want more than a friendship out of a girl that views you as a friend, either lay your cards on the table with her or stop contacting her. If you stop contacting her, she is either going to track you down or not contact you at all, and at that point you either have the girl or you move on to another one.

[monsieur]

that is not a good solution if the only one you want is her

 

maybe if the timing is right, but odds are it will only achieve the end of it

 

I believe I can tell when my only hope is to continue in friend mode and hoping and waiting for the right time to occur

[CamGuy]

that is not a good solution if the only one you want is her

 

maybe if the timing is right, but odds are it will only achieve the end of it

 

I believe I can tell when my only hope is to continue in friend mode and hoping and waiting for the right time to occur

 

Monsieur, seriously, and from personal experience. the only way she will see you as something other than a friend is if, and ONLY if you STOP BEING HER FRIEND. Basically, you are just a male version of one of her girlfriends.

 

here is a little story. May help ya. About 4-5 years ago, I fell for one of my friends. She was my world. I liked her so much, and wanted it to be something more. So instead of pretending to be something I am not, and in lieu of torturing myself, I approached her.....told her to close her eyes and kissed her. Then I said "I want something more. I am tired of being "just friends" because honestly, I dont feel that way about you"

 

Then I told her take it or leave it. And walked off, ending the friendship. About a month later she came back to me telling me she felt the same.

 

IT can happen.

 

(but on a side note, the same girl also lost her mind, and about 3 months after we were officially dating, went nuts, and wanted to be friends again, so i said no thanks, GOODBYE, and have a nice life)

 

Plenty of gals out there amigo. Hang in there, be strong, U can do this.

[swordfish]

iits about stepping out of the comfort zone. we've gotta do it eventually. the situe may or may not go the way you want it. whatever happens though at least you can say to yourself "at least i gave it a go." giving you lessons of how to haddle the situation nextime maybe from the start. sadly thats life. im always learning. all my mates have seen a change in me and its because ive been through the low points and im learning from them so that one day i WILL hit the nail on the head and it will me gold!

[monsieur]

I think you might be on to something with the 'comfort zone' comment.

 

It requires a major change to go to the next level, and it might have to be uncomfortable to try, for sure the stress levels will be very high.

 

It is so much easier to just go with the flow and the status quo will never change I guess.

 

Tough when bravery is not our forte.

[Dating Coach]

monsieur, I don't know what to tell you without somehow being offensive because you don't seem to open for suggestions or ideas, especially if it conflicts with what you 've already decided.

 

She told you how she feels, she even got mad at you when you tried to "not so subtly-but still pretty subtly" tell her you wanted more. She couldn't be much more clear to you. Yet, what do you do? You IGNORE her decision, you disrespect her decision, and you continue to pursue and you continue to "subtly hint". C'mon man! Smack yourself in the face! Wake up! What are you still hinting for? Do you think she is stupid? Do you think that she doesn't know her own feelings? Why then do you choose to disrespect her decision and continue to hint as if she didn't already know you like her and as if she doesn't know for sure whether or not she likes you. She knows! She told you! STOP IT!

 

Do you think this is attractive to her? Imagine from her perspective. She finds out you like her, she tells you no, that you are just friends. What do you do? You ignore it and you keep hinting, you keep trying. Do you think she goes, "Wow, he is sweet, I suddenly have romantic feelings for him!" No. She goes, "Geez, what do I have to do to be more clear to this guy! He knows I am not interested, then why can't he move on!" monsieur, it makes you look desperate, it makes you appear to have no self respect, nor confidence either. How is it that you think that by continually doing this that suddenly she will wake up one day and think, "Wow, this guy, who has been doing this same thing every single day for the past 4 years, I just now realized that he is everything I wanted!" Sorry, not gonna happen. She knows who you are, don't you think? Or do you not give her credit and think that she somehow is missing something? She knows you and she doesn't feel that way for you.

 

I'll tell you why. Because of your exact behavior right now. Women are attracted to men with self respect, and confidence. Men who are not pushovers, men who can offer her a challenge in the same way that she can offer him a challenge. Do you think you are this person?

 

A confident guy doesn't sneak his way in under the guise of "just friends" in hopes that she may eventually fall for him. A confident guy doesn't "hint" that he likes her, he isn't "subtle", he is "OBVIOUS". he's not ashamed of how he feels, and he doesn't sneak his way in.

A person with a healthy amount of self respect doesn't linger around after she tells him "No", he respects himself too much to hang on and hope that one day she will have an epiphany and "realize" she likes him. He knows he deserves better than to be someone's puppy dog, who comes charging everytime she calls. This self respecting person isn't afraid to offend her either. She is a human being, she is his equal, not his superior, not his goddess or empress. This self respecting confident man doesn't seek fights, but nor does he shrink in fear at raising her ire. He respects himself and his feelings too much and if he has something to say, he says it. She might not always like it, but she will give him the respect he deserves because of it, and she will be attracted to this strength of his, even if she doesn't always agree. Do you think she respects the guy who shivers in fear of her ire? No. Nor will she be attracted to him.

 

You deserve so much more than to be this girls lapdog, taxicab, shoulder to cry on, male girlfriend. I hope one day you will come to realize this and stop wasting your valuable time.

[ineedalittlehelp]

that friendzoned article really made me think. i've had 2 BAD cases of being friendzoned and well lets just say unsuccessfully trying to change it with the girl.

[Dating Coach]

that friendzoned article really made me think. i've had 2 BAD cases of being friendzoned and well lets just say unsuccessfully trying to change it with the girl.

 

If you end up there, and by "there" I mean a situation like monsieur, then the chances of you ever turning it around are slim to none. I've done the exact same thing to myself when I was younger and I turned down some really worthy girls while pursuing my crush beyond her rejection. I look back and think about what a fool I was.

 

The thing is, you are ESPECIALLY unlikely to change the results by doing the same thing over and over. A wise man once said that true insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result.

Could you imagine if our scientists did this? We would still be in the Dark Ages...

[ineedalittlehelp]

its been a while and i have had a girlfriend since then(who i was trying to get back together with but found out the other day from her father she has a new boyfriend). we met at a taster week at university(where you see what it will be like) we clicked and halfway through the evening disco/boat trip she asked me out(good thing too otherwise i might have left it too long). it was in portsmouth and noone there was from my home town so i was free to be myself and not worry about what people think. in my home town alot of people just pretty much know me as a geek.

[monsieur]

you are right, it is because of my low self esteem and self worth

 

it comes from failing in attracting the one I want the most, and knowing that my looks attracted her in the first place but the real ME inside was not up to the task of keeping her interest and causing a spark..... it will go down as my greatest failure in life, one I feel at the moment I will never be able to recover from

 

my feelings of low self worthiness come from real knowledge, not just a figment of my imagination or psyche, I know that I have bored her when I needed to excite her, I know that I was nervous when I needed to be confident, I know that I was scared to act when I needed to be brave.... I have failed on so many fronts and it is because of who I am inside, it really sucks to be me right now