Healing, but not trully healed...

[SwimmerBR]

Well, it´s been almost 2 months since my last break-up, and things are going ok (not great, not awfully bad either). I have been on an on-going NC with the ex (we bumped once at College, which was kind of awkward) and the general feeling is that I miss a girlfriend, but I don´t really miss HER (you all know the story).

 

Cutting to the chase, I´ve been flirting shamelessly with this cute brunette since my break-up and we did hook-up more than a couple of times over this last month. I don´t really want to enter another relationship (I want some ME time right now), but I feel that I´m only dealing with this situation (my last break-up) so nicely because someone shows interest in me.

 

It´s like... getting over you ex, just because you´re dating someone else. You only lay your last relationship to rest at the sight of a new one. I know it´s not the best way to deal with it, because you´re relying on outside factors to get closure, and eventually you´ll have to deal with this situation all over again, except, it´ll be a *new* ex.

 

How many of you have been (or are going through) something similar? Would you like to share your experiences?

[Jjasonn28]

I went through exactly the same thing once.

 

Broke up with a girlfriend of 2 years. Felt bad for about 3 months, then met somebody else unexpectedly. The moment I realized the new girls was in to me, was the moment I too put the last relationship 'to rest'.

 

Word of caution though. The new girl and the relationship we had turned out to be merely a rebound. I was younger then, perhaps a lot immature to the nature of relationships. While the 'rebound girl' was a great boost in confidence, it just didn't last because I still had lingering emotions about the ex.

 

Looking back now, It wasn't fair to the new girl, or to myself.

[Cooperstown]

I've been there to man, got out of a 4 year relationship that ended VERY VERY VERY messy. Went alcoholic for about 5 to 6 months until I met my most recent ex. She was a wonderful person who showed me it was ok to be me again, the thing is it was a rebound relationship that just went so well we stuck together for two years. It's now been nearly 3 years since my orginal ex broke up with me and I'm just not finally getting over it. Me time is essential, but having someone help you realize that you are in fact a catch and someone does want you and you are special is a huge help. I would have been lost without my most recent ex and we are still very close friends today. Not a day goes by where I don't think where I would be if I would have not met such a kind and caring individual as her.

[disruptors]

 

 

read my post at the very bottom. Anyways, I like you or even worse am in a situation where after 1 week of my ex gf breaking up with me (we went out for 3 years) I met a girl at the bar. We have been seeing each other since. I do not know if she is totally rebound, all my friends say she is and that I should just cut it off, but I somehow cannot. I feel like I have a crush on her, or maybe something more and want to see how things go over time, but like I said in the post, I swear these past few days when I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up I broke down and felt like I started at day 1. I put my feelings aside right when I met this girl, and I strongly suggest DO NOT DO THAT. I just got home from a movie tonight with the girl I am seeing. She is sweet, shy, cute, but the only thing is I don't see myself being able to start a relationship with her, maybe because I just got out of one in which I thought my ex would be my wife. However, I am as confused, hurt, sad, depressed, angry as I was when we first broke up 2 weeks ago, bc I put my feelings aside. But yet I do not know if i should keep on seeing this girl.

[AznSalamando]

When the things you do with your new dates are not drastically compared to your ex, then you know you are ready. Of course its hard not to compare, but if shouldn't affect the experience you are sharing with the new person.

 

Give your date the benefit of the doubt, and give yourself more credit for your choice in your date. Don't use your ex as a benchmark against a potential date experience or just as a friend.

 

But I would say give it a few more months until you are ready. Just like the post above, I also felt my ex of 4 years would be my wife. But I needed the time to settle that out and slowly fade her away from that picture of family/marriage. It took some time, but it happened eventually. But if you try to start anything with somebody when you aren't over somebody, it won't be fair to that person. You just end up transferring your love/emotions over to that person and everything you do will be sped up as if you never went through the growth of love. You won't appreciate that person as much becuase you never grew to like them, it just got shifted over with your feelings about your ex.

I would say to disruptors... give yourself time. If this girl you like and want to have a future with hopefully, and if she knows about your past relationship, let her know you need some time, to be fair to her and to let your feelings disappear. That way you can fully pursue anything that could happen between you two, otherwise it'd just be a transfer of emotions or bottling up of them. You need to let them fade off/empty the emotion jar before you start filling it up with new ones. Getting mixed feelings isn't really a good thing and confusion usually results. Just my 2 cents.

[SwimmerBR]

Thanks for sharing guys,

 

I´m not looking for anything really serious right now, and this girl seems to be on the same pace. It´s casual hooking up only, I don´t see it going anywhere serious.

 

I feel for you guys, you were more involved (way more, let me rephrase) with your exes, than I was, so I can only imagine how difficult it must have been.

 

I´ve only had one of those break-ups (where I was really attached to the girl) and it did mess me up pretty bad (hard to recover too). This last one though, I was not really involved (we only dated for a few months, the bond never got really strong) so I was not really heart-broken. It is more of and ego thing for me, shallow, I know, but just the same.