Sex, Mind, Life, Issues....

[romanticlover]

Hello. I haven't been on here since I last broke up with my g/f a few months ago. It was a hard break up, but things are ok as I have gotten over most of it. I have been dealing with another issue for quite some time now, even with her and past girlfriends and I don't know what the issue is. Well the issue is sexual, and I can't seem to get aroused with women sometimes. I have been with many women, meet plenty of girls, and could hook up all the time if I wanted to. But teh issue is that I can't get erect all the time and it really is getting to me. I have been in situations where most guys would be in heaven. Hot girls, sexy girls, etc, and when it comes down to it, I just can't get into it. First off I am 31 years old, single Father to a 10 yr old, busy guy, hopeless romantic, very sexual. I have no problems when I am taking care of business. I get very excited when I am looking at things that turn me on at home, but for some reason, in person it's not always the case. Many girls lately have been giving it up WAAAAYYYY to easy. I'm talking after 4 hours of knowing them, their panties are off. Yes I can be seductive, I'll admit, but I never plan to take it that far. I honestly get more into kissing and being affectionate at first and not jumping right to sex. Seems as if no one does that anymore. It's just jump right into bed. I have had this problem for quite some time now. The age range of girls that I have been hooking up with is 21-26. I was a horn dog when I was younger, but I have begun to have different needs at this point. I think to myself, what normal guy can't get erect with some hot girl bent over telling him she wants him. I get really embarrased, nervous and ashamed. Then they probably think, what a looser. I am very picky and there are certain things that really turn me on and if someone doesn't do it, show it, ir isn't it, I guess it's hard for me to get excited. I do look at porn maybe once a day for an hour if that tops. I thought it was the porn, fetish, thing, cause online you can get into anything and sometimes it takes away from reality, but I don't know what to think. I do know that I am looking to find the right woman at this point in my life. Someone I can be extremely sexual with, but also be in love with. Sometimes I feel that I should stick to my guns and tell the girls NO for a change and not give it up so easy. I am very hard on myself when these things happen and feel ashamed in my manhood. Girls tell me I am hot, well endowed, etc and make me feel great, but like I said, many of them I have only known for a few hours to a few days. I think I need to start being strong and not giving in so easy and start to believe in my morals and not sleep with any girl until I feel comfortable. Only thing that worries me is that even in my last relationship, I had a hard time getting erect at times. Mainly because of emotional problems. I have even tried to take Levitra a few times. Sometimes it hepled and other times it took so long to kick in, the experience was over. I couldn't even get aroused until 3 hours later and it was too late. Sometimes alcahol is involved, so I know that causes an issue, but it's more of an emotional issue. I really need to start figuring out why this happens to me and what I can do to fix this. Thanks for reading this long story and I appreciate any feedback.

[Karibo]

I think you've worked out the main issue yourself. I think you know that you aren't just after sex, i think you are after something alot more meaningful. I get what you mean - at times when i'm out I do just feel like having meaningless sex with someone, but there are increasingly more times where even if i think the guy is hot, I am just not turned on by the idea of sex so soon because it's like, what's the point, im looking for something more meaningful, and just having sex seems like a waste of time.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

You know what..sometimes if you are intelligent, with half a brain, and someone is pushing it in your face (literally!) you can feel a sense of disgust or shame on their behalf...a sort of *god, where IS your self respect?* type of thing, which is not arousing. Thats happened to me in a way before. Why should you feel attracted to a random girl who you have no connection with, and who hasnt impressed you by just giving it up?

 

Nothing wrong with you...just look for different people.

[romanticlover]

Ok, thanks for the advice. So I guess I feel it's not me. I just thought there might be an issue down below because I couldn't get aroused by having some hot naked chick in front of me. Granted I didn't know her or just met her, but I thougt all guys would kill for these opportunities, and at least be able to get erect. Do I have a problem? It wasn't an issue at 18, but i'm 31 now, fully capable of getting erect, just not in these circumstances.

[Caldus]

I have to say, it's sort of refreshing to see a person actually have a problem associated with attracting many girls instead (as opposed to all of the topics of 'why can't I get a girlfriend').

 

Don't sweat it man. Pretty much all of my 'hook-ups' (OK, well the very few that I've had) have been completely meaningless in the wrong run. A lot of people go through it. The thing is, it's easy to find sex if put yourself out there and try hard enough and if it's all you're looking for. But to look for something more meaningful is pretty tough for anyone. It sounds like you're realizing that you want to settle down a little and find something more meaningful. Yet you still want a very sexual and passionate sort of relationship as well.

 

I don't think there is a problem if you can't get erect in front of a hot, naked woman as often. It is because of what is going on in your head ... because of what meaning you give to it all. Since you've been through so many of these hook-ups and so forth, you're starting to convince yourself that it just isn't as great as you used to think it was maybe. So now you're thinking that maybe a more meaningful relationship has more meaning to you now. Just my thoughts.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

i think caldus summed everything i would have said/ thought, perfectly.

[romanticlover]

Wow Caldus, well put. I understand what you are saying. Sometimes I feel that I should enjoy my manhood and hook up as much as I can while I am single and have the opportunities. I also feel ashamed cause I think any guy other than me would not have this problem and would be able to lat 5 minutes with a girl cause he would be so excited. I am looking for a passionate relationship or some experience that will fulfill my fantasies. Having some random girl just lay there is not a fantasy of mine anymore. How do you feel about teh wholw internet porn thing compared to reality. Since you can find anything, any fetish that really gets you online, it is difficult to find that in person sometimes and I feel that I look for it too much. I'm not addicted to porn, it's just that I know what turns me on and what doesn't. It's very easy to visit a web page, look at movies, pics of things that just get you hot. I don't see how it's so easy for me to be that way alone, yet not with a hot girl in front of me.