I don't know what to do.

[buddafleye]

I can't stop thinking about this woman. She's a LOT older than me and in a position of authority. I've never identified as anything other than straight, but recently have been questioning my sexuality and feel that I could quite possibly be bi. However, I don't think I can ever truly know that until I have an actual experience with a woman.

 

Anyway, this woman consumes my thoughts like no other person on earth ever has. Literally from the moment I wake up in the morning until the time I go to sleep, I think about her and wonder what she's doing. Is this a crush or am I borderline OBSESSED? lol.

 

She's played a fairly large role in my life in helping through tough times and so sometimes I wonder if I look at her as a mother figure or if I actually LIKE like her. Sometimes all I can think about is kissing her or cuddling with her, and yes.. I've had the odd fantasy about her.

 

It's just so weird for me given I've never had these feelings for any other woman and also because of how much older she is (roughly 20 some years).

 

At times I have felt like the feelings are mutual too. Then I wonder if I'm over analyzing and making it SEEM like the feelings are mutual, just because that's what I want. When she touches me it feels like electricity shooting through my body. Often, she'll find ways to touch me while she's walking by or emphasizing a point. There was one awkward point where we were sitting and she rested her hand on my upper thigh (I was wearing a short skirt) and she sort of just kept it there not really saying anything. I almost jumped out of my skin, but never said anything. Another time she walked by caressed the inside of my arm, and another time she ran her hand along my waist.

 

She's known as a friendly person and so I can't tell if these touches are just her being her, or something more.

 

I don't know what to do or how to get her out of my head.

[arwen]

This must be very confusing for you. Two things can help here, either distance yourself, and have a period in which you don't see her at all, and see what happens or be... upfront.

 

Or find out if she is bi/lesbian? Do you know if she is? Because if she is, that would make it more likely that you are not reading too much into her ways of touching you. It would still not mean that it's mutual, of course

 

Anyway, are either of you involved with someone?

 

Ilse

[PocoDiablo]

If she did any of that kind of touching to my male clients, I would tell them she was WAY into them.

 

First, I'd say you need to figure out what you want. Really. For real.

 

And then ask yourself if you can lose your job over this - because you likely will have some major issues when it comes to light - and then ask her out for drinks and see what happens.

[Bethany]

Is she married? Does she have children?

[buddafleye]

This must be very confusing for you. Two things can help here, either distance yourself, and have a period in which you don't see her at all, and see what happens or be... upfront.

 

Or find out if she is bi/lesbian? Do you know if she is? Because if she is, that would make it more likely that you are not reading too much into her ways of touching you. It would still not mean that it's mutual, of course

 

Anyway, are either of you involved with someone?

 

Ilse

 

I'm technically not involved with anyone and she is divorced. I don't know if she's dating or not, but my guess would be that she is not.

 

I would LOVE to distance myself from her, but I can't given the circumstances. I have to see her every week. I've tried distancing myself from her a couple of times by just avoiding her at all cost, but it always makes her feel like I'm mad at her and then I feel bad.

[buddafleye]

If she did any of that kind of touching to my male clients, I would tell them she was WAY into them.

 

First, I'd say you need to figure out what you want. Really. For real.

 

And then ask yourself if you can lose your job over this - because you likely will have some major issues when it comes to light - and then ask her out for drinks and see what happens.

 

I don't know what I really want. I really like her as a friend and want us to be friends. I don't understand why I'm having feelings for her and thinking about her non stop. I can't say for sure what I'd do if I was ever given the opportunity for it to be something more because I don't have any experience with women. I feel like I might not go through with it, but at the same time I still wonder what it might be like...

 

I'm just confused. lol.

[buddafleye]

Is she married? Does she have children?

 

 

Divorced with older children.

[Cadence308]

You said that she's in a position of authority. Is she your professor or boss? What is your relationship to her?

 

It sounds to me like you are developing romantic feelings for her and don't know what to do about it, as you've never felt this way about another woman before. I went through the same thing when I first decided to post on this site in Aug. 2004. I also had feelings for an older woman.

 

 

I don't know if my stories will help you. I think it just takes time to sort things out. Since you are so unsure of so many things right now I think it would be wise not to act on anything. But, I would try to find out the status of her sexuality and just be friends. You have some work to do on yourself before getting too involved with her.

[adoracion]

This reminds me too much of the situation I'm in, except the woman is married. It is very confusing to consider yourself straight and then one day wake up and have your thoughts consumed by a woman. On top of that, get the feeling that the woman may be interested in you. I've told myself that I was sick of the feelings I had for her, so I've distanced myself from her a little. It sucks to feel so deeply about someone that you can't have.

 

I agree with Ballys. I wouldn't make a move unless you know exactly how you feel. I would also take into consideration the fact that you two work together and the consequences if anything goes awry. It sounds like she is interested. I have some friends who are physical, but they never put their hands in my lap!

[Tigris]

I think you should just sit down and talk to her and tell her that you are confused. That you are attracted to her and that you've never felt that way about a woman before. If nothing else comes of it she will feel flattered.

 

Good luck

[buddafleye]

I don't really think her relationship to me is a necessary detail. Suffice to say she's in charge and the two of us getting together would be bad news for both sides.

 

I read your posts and yes, I can relate to how you were feeling. I've decided it's best for both sides if I give up on the thought and just try to be friends. I'm completely confused about my own sexuality and so there's no need to bring someone else into that. I like her too much. It'll be hard, but not unlike any other crush I'm sure. Thank you for your advice.

[Tigris]

Please keep us informed on how you're doing.