I compare myself to others

[Celadon]

I compare myself to others, and sometimes, it makes me feel really bad about myself.

 

How do people focus on just themselves and not worry about other people? I'd really like some tips on how to do that! Is it mental discipline? Am I just letting myself fall into a trap, over and over again? How do I stop?

 

Today I was thinking about an acquaintance of mine who is very talented in a certain area. I'm moderately talented, but she's waaaay talented. Also, she's getting married soon, while I'm quite a bit older than her and still bumping along trying to find The Guy for me. I find myself thinking -- where did I go wrong??

 

So I can intellectually see how there's no good thing to come out of my comparing myself to her. And yet, I'm even beating myself up over knowing it's not helpful and doing it anyway!

 

Help -- get me off of this merry-go-round!!

[phaseone]

Its human nature to compare ourselves to other people and be envious of what they have achieved. There really is no way to get out of it because you'll always compare yourself to classmates, colleagues at work, friends, family.

 

For me personally, this fuels me to continue my efforts in life and look for greener pastures. In a way, the comparison makes me thrive and motivates me to go as far as I can.

 

So in summary, take this comparison and use it in a positive way. It sounds like your using this comparison to subconsciously put yourself down. Remember its also a matter of perspective. Change yours and you'll notice i isn't that bad afterall.

 

Good Luck!

[mystik]

This might come of sounding awful, but maybe..try comparing yourself to other people...but specifically, those who have it much worse. Everytime I feel bad or are jealous of someone else, I force myself to think of others who have it much worse. For example, I will read the newspaper, which unfortunately is full of bad news, and think of how the people in it, are suffering so much more. Then I take a walk downtown and see the homeless people who are begging for money... then I think about all the people in the hospital who don't deserve being sick and who are probably so frightened. It really makes you think about all the things you do have and appreciate them. These are all things that others are jealous of you for. There are many people out there who have lost everything, and who have been through so much worse...these are people who would give anything to be you or me. Some of my friends think I'm being depressing when I do this...but it's not like that. I just use it as a tool to remind myself how lucky I really am.

[PocoDiablo]

Simple.

 

I compare myself to others, and sometimes, it makes me feel really bad about myself.

 

How do people focus on just themselves and not worry about other people?

There's a saying I always remember.

 

"The average IQ is about 100 points. That means that any time you are driving down the road, half the drivers are dumber than that."

 

I'd really like some tips on how to do that! Is it mental discipline? Am I just letting myself fall into a trap, over and over again? How do I stop?

Who cares what other people think? I used to... now I realize it doesn't affect me and I simply don't care. People can think whatever they want, but usually they are too self-absorbed (kinda like you are ) to realize anything about ME.

 

Today I was thinking about an acquaintance of mine who is very talented in a certain area. I'm moderately talented, but she's waaaay talented.

So? I bet you can kick her behind in a sumo ring.

 

Also, she's getting married soon, while I'm quite a bit older than her and still bumping along trying to find The Guy for me. I find myself thinking -- where did I go wrong??

How do you know she met Mr. Right? Divorce is 50% as I recall, and in most of those cases the WOMEN initiate the divorce. Give it some years. Slow and steady wins the race ....

 

So I can intellectually see how there's no good thing to come out of my comparing myself to her. And yet, I'm even beating myself up over knowing it's not helpful and doing it anyway!

 

Help -- get me off of this merry-go-round!!

Sounds like you are bored and need something to enteratain your brain. How about meet some new friends, go out, have fun? That's what I do.

[Celadon]

Thanks for the kick in the pants, guys. Guess I needed that.

 

Amazingly, you have three different perspectives and they're all pretty right on. PocoDiablo, no one's called me 'self-absorbed' and gotten away with it - till now. So kudos to you.

 

Mystik, I like your perspective. It's easy to compare upwards and then throw yourself a pity party. Um, a little too easy. Thanks for the reminder to be grateful.

 

And phaseone, thanks for understanding. You've got a good attitude, and a healthy self-esteem. That's great to see.

[PocoDiablo]

All you gotta do is think a little ... really. That's all I do. Well, sometimes.