He still hasn't called.. What should I do?

[Goldie]

As most of you know, my boyfriend told me he was thinking of ending it at the weekend. It's killed me.

 

He doesn't know if we're right anymore because I've been having insecurities of all sorts and it's mainly my fault for driving us apart.

 

So..

Do I:

A) Keep strong, resist calling him and give us space for the next week or so and wait for him to come to me

B) Keep strong, resist calling him and give us space and when he does call tell him I need some more time

OR

C) End the relationship because it seems unfair to mess me around like this and surely I deserve better

 

 

When we first started seeing each other the thing he loved about me was my independence and confident nature. He was always chasing after me.

 

But after a while it started to turn around (I tend to do this is relationships) and I think I became a little too dependent on him. And a needy insecure girlfriend is hardly attractive.

 

I don't want to play games.. I just think that if I back off, give him space and do my own thing, while building back up my independence and strength he will remember why he loves me.

 

Because (final question here) why would you tell someone you want to end it but don't know if you can?

[heteropedro]

I dont know the whole story. But let me tell you this. Call him find out and if you doesent give an answer demand an answer. Your the girl you must chase after him. Not the other way around. I dont mean that against women I mean that itd be mor approiate for you to do so. By the way this will let him know that you care.

[Goldie]

That is the worse possible thing I could do actually.

 

My boyfriend likes his space. If I called him now it would totally ruin my chances.

 

He's a moody, loner type and doing that would just push him away further.

 

He knows I care. I think he needs time to find out what he wants.

 

If he realises by next monday that I haven't called and actually he's missed me and sees that I've got on with my life and am happy and chilled. Maybe he'll call and we can start again.

 

But if that does happen, next time I will keep my own life separate and let him chase instead.

 

G xx

[heteropedro]

He will probably realise it sooner but hide it. If you reall want him just call, be cause if hes so moody he will get pissed if he *loses*. So call him. It'd be better trust me.

[heteropedro]

Actually you reall should move on but I dont think you will. But seriously this relationship doesent seem to movin along steadily. Conversation is an omportant factor in the relationship. Call hiM!

[Goldie]

I think you've misunderstood. Calling him in the past has never worked.

 

He is the sort of person who needs his space. He won't answer the phone and it WILL just push him away. That's what he's like.

 

Backing off is the BEST thing I could do. Although I agree with you that communication is important, at this time I think it'll do more harm than good.

 

But thanks

[heteropedro]

Yeah I misunderstood. WAit fo him to call and work things out. I dont know though, if you'll still want to work things out for much longer.

[dreamingtree520]

your c choice said break it off because you deserve better. if you think you deserve better than why are you even waiting for him? if that was an example question and you werent really thinking about doing that i apoligize but guys dont like to wait for things. If its been a week, i dont know what to tell you. It dosent really take a guy that long to make up his mind. It really depends on how long you two have been together. I would say keep strong and stay by the phone or even better if he really loves you hell be knocking on your door any second now, God Bless hope i helped.

[sadmonkey]

Hey Goldie, I am going through the same thing and my man is the same way - he is very moody and a loner type. I have tried calling and it gets me no where - I guess if we really want to work things out with our guys - we cant call and let them make the move. It sucks, but it may be the only way. Hang in there girl - I know how frustrating it is!!!

[Sara_M]

As i understand your situation it sounds like you already know exactly what's going on (I believe that deep down, we all know exactly what to do for ourselves). You said that you know what he loved about you in the beginning was your confidence and the fact that you were independent. But as the relationship progressed you became increasingly dependant and needy. You also said that is a pattern you've recognized in yourself in past relationships. So, in a way you can't blame him -- in essense, you're not the woman he fell in love with. It's almost like false advertising So, ask yourself -- what happened to her? And which one of you is the "real" one?

 

First off, I believe things keep happening to us so that we can become aware of our "issues", and then we know what we need to work on. I think you should take this time to work on yourself. You'll need to figure out why you change in relationships. If the "needy" one is the REAL you -- then fine -- that's who you should be when you meet a guy. You won't change and he'll know who he's getting involved with. But if the "confident" person is the REAL you, then you shouldn't be sacrificing that for a relationship. Pay close attention to your behavior and notice when it starts to change. It will probably feel weird but you'll have to force yourself to maintain some independence. It's important for your relationship and also for your self- respect.

 

As for this guy, if he doesn't call -- I know it hurts -- but just look at it as an experience, a "wake up" call, to work on your issues. And when the next guy comes along (and he WILL), you'll be better prepared to deal with him. Bottom line is, we really can't love someone until we truly love ourselves.

 

Best wishes,

 

Sara_M