I did it

[moink75]

WC,

 

You were not the problem. Stop beating yourself up. The whole breakup was not about the computer. The relationship ended because of issues that ran deeper. He might find someone right away, but how great is a rebound relationship?

[WildChild]

I am at the stupid stage trying to convince myself that maybe it wasn't that bad, maybe I could handle it. But I know that is not right, and that I can't handle it. Why does something so simple as ending something have to be so hard, and desperate. Can anyone come and rip my heart out and scream at it, "Quit caring!" My mind knows whats best, but my heart is so heavy right now I can't hardly stand it. I'm becoming anxious. Over what? I mean yes I love him, yes he has great qualities. But he took me and our relationship for granted. He disrespected me anytime he didn't like my opinion. Said not only mean things, but cruel digs at me about who I am. STILL can't believe he said that to me. It brings me to tears.

[xprincessbugx]

Glad you finally ended this! Been reading your posts, and you deserve sooooo much better!! Good for you girl, good luck and take care!

[Ash]

But he took me and our relationship for granted. He disrespected me anytime he didn't like my opinion. Said not only mean things, but cruel digs at me about who I am. STILL can't believe he said that to me. It brings me to tears.

 

Like others are saying, it's not about the computer ... as you say (above) its about the whole respect issue. If not the computer and gaming, it would be something else.

 

Guys tend to be like that unfortunately (I particularly know being one!), meaning specifically they avoid issues that make them feel uncomfortable, and because they feel uneasy and conflicted they look to place that blame elsewhere. Unfortunately, you're closest so you get the negatives. I suspect the nastiness is not so much directly aimed at you (although it sounds awful) but is more about the situation and you bear the brunt because he's unable to direct it to an appropriate place, or deal with it in a more constructive way.

 

I read about the good things you had and it does make it sad. Yeah, things have changed and he seems like a jerk now, but there was something (many things likely) you saw in him that were good and now they're too far away to reach. So, we should try and concentrate of being here for you and giving you the compassion and support you need and not be quite so concerned with highlighting all the bad things you've told us about him as the negativity may not be helpful in the long run.

[WildChild]

You're right Ash, there are many wonderful qualities about him. He brought many of the wonderful qualities I wanted, needed, and desired into my life and into the relationship. I guess when I see or want something I am patient (to an extent LOL). We had this connection like we had known each other in another life. My best friend saw it as well. When we first tried dating and ended it I for the most part gave him his space. I knew he was coming out of a very long and turbulant relationship. I was disappointed because he was like a soulmate, but I also knew if I pushed it would drive him away. I know he wanted to be with me, he just wasn't ready and time and time again he would tell me he wasn't going anywhere, that someday we would be together but just not at that time. When we started dating this second time around, I continued to not push things. Even if I wanted to, I didn't. I let him set the pace, and maybe that is where I went wrong. I didn't express myself enough if something bothered me because I was afraid of what might happen, and I also knew he was taking a big step for himself by trying another committed relationship. I needed to take what I had learned from my marriage and incorporate into this relationship. I'm glad I did though. It has taught me patience and understanding of others situations, and most importantly it is not always about my needs or wants. However, I now feel like I have created a spoiled child. That if he doesn't get his way he pouts, yells, and says things he probably doesn't mean. With a child, their behavior may not be right but you look at their age and realize they are just growing. But when it comes from a grown man, it is hard to not wonder why?

 

I guess when things get bad you turn to your family and friends to vent, cry or whatever. So when things are good or something good does happen the ones who love you and are closest to you and/or the situation have difficulty seeing the good qualities. Why? Because they don't forget what the person has said or done like the people involved in the relationship. You live it day in and day out: life. So I guess in my situation, not everyday was a bad day. There were many good days, and many days where I felt like I was on top of the world, many days where I couldn't have felt more special than how he made me feel.

 

He has grown a lot. He wasn't going to any adult sites anymore, our bedroom life was where it should be, he would compliment me and encourage me more and more.I don't know if he is finally comfortable showing me all of him, or if it is that he has actually grown into a different person. His better qualities were more and more apparent each day, and his ugly side was less and less. But when his ugliness does appear it shouldn't be in the form of making cutting and personal digs, disrepecting my feelings, telling me to leave if I don't like his rotten behavior. He gave me an ultimatum, and shockingly I called his bluff. He has only himself to worry about, I have three of us to worry about. I have to make conscious decisions, and that also includes the living arrangements. I LOVED living on the lake with the sunsets and huge yard. It was great for the boys to have the outside space to play rather than being in the cramped mobile home park where we are back to living. But, the lake home is too small for a family of four and a dog. Two hours each day I spent driving and dropping off children. Seven days a week sharing a small space. The kids sharing a bedroom with his computer. He was worth it all, we were worth it. But this was never suppose to be a permanent living arrangement, this was suppose to be until we could find land. I slowly started to see that the closer we get to spring and summer things started getting pushed to the back burner. I realized that he wasn't going to follow through with it. It wouldn't be a big deal about the land had I not been paying for a house I wasn't living in. But I couldn't keep doing that, not for another year. So I look at his leading me on to believe one thing as being deceiptful and unfair. It is also disrespecting and being uncaring of my situation: my empty house. So in the end, I still feel like I told him Monday night that everything seems to be on his terms: the whens, hows, whys and wheres.

 

Thanks for listening guys.