Should I Chase My Ex, ..Or Let Her Go?

[EmptyHeart1607306438]

I've been reading through many of these posts and am really able to relate to many of you out there who've lost the one person that was so much a part of your life. Then suddenly it ended...somewhat out-of-the-blue for many of you.

 

Same here. And the pain is only prolonged by facing daily activities such as going to the store and remembering when you and your honey shopped together only a short time ago.

 

Your memory serves you, these sad reminders that send you to the brink of crying and you pray to God above to just send them a silent messege. To just let them remember how blissful it would be if they decided to reunite.

 

Then we remember that the reality of our situation is rendering us with little hope of returning our lost lovers hearts to us. We dread that reality.

 

Our next move leads us to reaching out for any good advices out there--hoping there is just a sliver of hope to reclaim our relationships before it's too late. Which brings me to my question.

 

I'm understanding that if I should pursue her, she will certainly sprout wings and fly away. Many of you have done just that, chased after your significant other and they either vanish, get spooked and ask you to back off, or play with your heads by giving you mixed signals.

 

So what is the best approach? Is there an approach? Or do I simply cut my losses and move on with life.

 

If that is my solution, how do I get through life's daily activities, without feeling my heart drop to my stomach just because our song is on the radio, or I see someone that resembles her, or whatever triggers the reminder that she is gone. I miss her so very much!

 

Is there a safe amount of time to let go-by before contact can be re-established? If so, how much time, and how should I reapproach her?

 

Thank you for your time and attention.

 

EmptyHeart

[sisterlynch]

You appear to be well-spoken by the language that you use in your letter. Use your time more wisely than pining about her. Move forward...don't look behind you soo much! Think of the qualities that she didn't possess! She must be very inmature to give up on a true love relationship! Or look at what you can gain in a new relationship! Try to do things that are incompatible with thinking about her...move to another city...take a vacation...go to single clubs! Do the things that she wouldn't do...maybe she will return or not. Don't allow all your feelings to be caught up in her whims. You are selling your self way, way way to short! Take a college class. Join a cood team. There are lots of ways to meet people. Call up old girlfriends...maybe they could set you up or remind you that you are worth more.

[WILTED ROSE]

I would avoid a new serious relationship at this point. It sounds like you're not quite ready to me. Rebound relationships don't last long and they are not fair to the third person getting involved.

[cuteshortnsassy191607306438]

I've heard that the standard waiting period, before one should call is the next day. Then, if much time elapses after the break-up (like a month or so) then one should give a proper waiting period of approximately four to six months. I doubt there is an actual (etched in stone) time period.

 

If you feel the urge to call her, then you owe it to your own satisfaction to call her just to see if you have any chance to rekindle the old flames.

[EyeOfTheTiger1]

Hello everybody,

 

What exactly is a reasonable time frame to wait before re-initiating contact? That's a great question. I do agree that immediate attempts should be made, but if they fall on deaf ears, retreating is necessary at that point. Never force yourself on anyone, when they specifically request for time and space away from you.

 

Personally, I chased after my ex-girlfriend for 5 weeks. Not everyday, but it was an ongoing attempt and it was unsuccessful. When someone makes up their mind for good, it is quite impossible and frustrating as well to try and convince them of something they do no longer want to be convinced of. This is why, it is essential that you relinquish and go far away from this very important and special person, who no longer would like to be a part of your life at that point in time.

 

The key element to it all in mho, is "point in time". People tend to forgive and forget over time, but more likely forget and time is very much needed and required to accomplish this task. Make yourself invisible and let your partner move on and live their life without you. Cold harsh reality, right? It is, but I firmly believe that it is the only real chance any of us have. Personally, for the last 4 weeks, I have made absolutely no attempts at contact and it honestly does get a lot easier. You redeem your own pride and self-respect and inevitably, you will have that same effect on your lost love, without even trying. It's a win win situation.

 

I've actually started dating again and find myself able to laugh and have fun with other women, other than my ex. It's refreshing and it gives you a whole new perspective on everything. Confidence comes pouring back into your veins and a feeling of being in control of yourself and your life is very much present at this stage.

 

Personally, I still think of my ex, but I think of her in a different way now. I am no longer so fixated on the idea of needed her in my life to fill a void of loneliness and emptiness and sadness. I've filled that void on my own and am much stronger and happier today, then I've ever been.

 

Do I still think of calling her? Yes, I do. Am I going to? Probably not for a long time to come. She will be going away to Peru over Christmas/New Years. It could be for a month, 4 months, 6 months, or for good. This thought used to terrify me. I didn't want to loose her. What terrifies me more today, is the thought of loosing me and loosing control again. I've grown and I'm proud of this accomplishment. I'm someone to be chased after and I have so much to offer. I forgot that somewhere along the way.

 

If I do call her in a month or so, it would be for the sole purpose to say hi and wish her a good trip and that's it. Kind of like a wake up call. You see, no one really ever forgets their past love, they just block the thought out of their head, until the day they are reminded, either on their own listening to a song and remembering, or having regrets and wondering and that inevitable curiosity will drive them to make contact. I haven't yet decided what I will do. Any suggestions would be much appreciated guys. Do I wait that 4-6 month rule, or do I make one last attempt in a month, which will mark the month post break-up date? Whatever happens, I know that I am not so much in a hurry anymore. I am not so restless anymore. I am more relaxed and am enjoying life a little more every day.

 

Peace,

 

EyeOfTheTiger#1

Dan