I need to talk and advice on how to proceed.

[justmoi]

I dont think many have read my situation bt briefly..

Involved with a guy, hes had issues with his babys mum and has been initmate with her, for some crazy reason it didnt seem to bother me (think because he opened up alot about him and her and his struggle to get over her after she cheated ).

We are not together he wont have a realtionship as hes ' not able to give 100% coz of his career and other reasons , u could say im waiting 4 him we are intimate and very emotionally attached, ive said to him though if i ever know about anyone else i would walk away he knows it would break my heart, i also told him if he starts gettin close to anyone ..let me know and i will stay away. He promised me ,swore on his sons life he would.

 

Anyway, hes out the country at the mo.

I got a phone call yesterday from a girl, she asked if (debbie) was there (thats not my name , i said no sorry wrong number, she then asked who i was i told her my name. That was it.

THEN an hour later i get another phone call from a diffrent girl, she says is this (my name) i said yes,

She said hi u dont know me but do u know *john jones* i said erm no, which i didnt, then she said , his stage name is (mentions his stage name) i was like yeh i know him,the name she knos him by isnt the name i know him by(im 100% the name i got is real)..i was kinda shocked but didnt let on.

She then said she looked through his phone and found a txt by me and that she was his girlfriend and they'd been living together 2 years.

 

Im really shocked at this point,she wants to know wher & when i met him(ive known him 5 years )..i said we are friends then she wanted to know about sex and stuff, i said ' look wait till he come s back and talk to him coz im not discussin my life with u on the phone'..Sould i have told her exactly how close we were?

 

Im torn now, ok we were not together but there is history ,we are deep ive always thought he would tell me if he was involved with anyone else,i mean he told me about his intimacy with his baby mum.

 

i just dont know wat to think/feel.

Hes not bk in the coutry yet...what do i do when he gets back, do i pretend as if nothing happened and then ask him bout it casually?

I am gutted i cryed till my head hurt..

Is this girl for real,could this actually be his babymum..

 

im so confused..shocked its my worst fear come true.

[lovemycoffee41]

Get the heck out of this situation. This guy doesn't want to and probably won't commit to you, and if he was really into you, he would, even with the crazy schedule of his career and be over the fact his ex gf cheated on him. There is someone out there who WILL commit to you fully, which you deserve.

 

Now if you're all about some drama, and don't mind dealing with weird girls calling you, claiming to be living with him and be the girlfriend, and his commitmentphobia, then stay with this guy but heartache isn't far behind with this, but I think you already know that. Reassess what you want out of a relationship, and then find one that will make ya happy, cause this isn't.

[annie24]

Wow - leave now. He's a cheater and got a double life going on. These types of men are always real charmers. That's how he got you and all these other women reeled in.

 

Leave right now. I can promise you that there are many many men out there that want a relationship with 1 woman and will be honest and upfront about EVERYTHING.

 

good luck

[justmoi]

Thanks 4 ur comments.

 

I know what i have to do , my heart is breaking somehow i have to find the strength to do it.

He isnt back in country till next week.

I really do want to confront him theres alot i need to say ...then i will tell him to leave.

 

If he knows that i knw ,will he just not bother gettin in touch u think? what does he have to gain by facing the music with me?...Nothing, i think hell b too much of a coward.

 

I dont even know what to say, do i tell him that she called...i just dont know how to deal with the next few weeks ahead

[justmoi]

She called me again lastnite.

He is ot back yet.

I didnt answer, then she txt me teliing me to stay away from him ,hes not single, she is his girl.

 

I felt so sick i was shaking.

Maybe he has planned this?

[minnie]

Answer your phone and tell her EVERYTHING!!! How dare she deal with you like that - you didn't know.

 

Im sorry, but i would have it, tell her to tell HIM to stay away from YOU, cuz i bet he will be calling you none stop when he knows you know, try to 'explain'.

 

You can tell her as much as you feel comfortable really, but get the point accross that you didn't know what was going on here, so she really need to think about WHO to blame.

 

You are not pestering him, you didn't know about her (because he didn't mention HER) and you dont need him and dont want him. I know you probably still do but dont let on.

 

Stand up for yourself, to her and him x x x

[minnie]

Hi, Dont call him, wait for him to call you. If he does then, tell him what has happened and that you are not interested.

 

He sounds like the type to deny it, which is why i say you should talk to this witch - to get something more concrete, so he cant deny it.

 

If he denys it an you didnt get much information, after a while you may start to believe him, and let him back in your life.

 

You dont really need to say much just that you know, and you dont want nothing to do with him - then hang up, Cuz there is no point listening to his explanation, although i am curious as to what he will say - you dont really want to hear it.

 

You dont owe him anything, i know you are going through a hard time right now but, you dont have to let him explain - it will do you no good.

 

Be strong, dont accept no less than you deserve.

[justmoi]

Thankyou for replying i know my topic isnt the greatest to read but it really helps when i see replys!

 

Ok the time she called i was putting my children to bed, so my phne was on silent , i checked my phone later and she had sent a nasty txt ,i think because i didnt answer.

I initially felt sick put my phone on silent and tried to sleep.

 

The next day i was wondering wether i should talk to her, if she is his girl , then im sure she is feeling just as low as i am and needs some answers ,as hes not in the country, i need answers too i guess but im tryna do the right thing.

 

Deep down i think i know the deal here, so im kinda thinking i know all i need to know, im hurting but do i really need to hear things whether its the truth or lies..i just dont know.

 

He may go and tell her that hes only known me a month ,and make me out to be a bad person...it makes me feel awful coz if id of known I WOULD HAVE STAYED AWAY IM NO HOMEWREKER.

 

If she calls again, i will answer, i think, but i really dont want to do the nasty talk,and her telling me whats what and getting nasty..im hurting too..she already sent me a nasty txt..im not gonna get into a slanging match.

 

What is the likeliness of him fessin up and tellin' me txtin me that its all true.

If he thought anything of me the last 5 years he would ..wouldnt he?

 

Its a pain to do and an expence i cant afford, but im know i have to change my number...she now has it, ast thing i want is txts from her tellin me how hes in her bed etc etc etc..ouch also he wouldnt have my num too which would be a good thing.

 

I get strength knowing that i have neverever done wrong by this person EVER.

[minnie]

you already seem to know what to do - so now you just have to wait for him to get back. I have been through something like this and that wait is the hardest.

When he gets back you are going to miss him like hell but, fight those feelings because, you know what you HAVE to do.

 

To be honest, i think he will deny it, i dont know why.

 

If she calls again talk to her and hear what she has to say - for you, so you know.

 

I have just only now changed my number, after eveything i have been through, and it is hard but if thats what you want to do, then do it.

 

But dont change it, only to give it back to him!!!

[justmoi]

OOOOhh the wait is real hard.

If she calls i will talk to her, not sure she will though.

 

Whats going through my head right now though is' what if the last 5 years is one big lie' i mean she called him by a another name.!!!!!!!

 

Hopefully all will come to light soon, i will let you know what happens..if anything does...

 

Thankyou so much

[minnie]

I know and i am feeling kinda the same, my ex had another 'name' and i really do think that our relationship was i big lie from the beginin, but i suppose you have to just put that to the back of your mind for now, cuz if you keep thinking about it you keep hurtin.

 

Keep us informed xxx

[justmoi]

Ok nothing yet to report back with.

Havent heard antyhing more from here... yet THANKGOD.

 

I have got a question though...

 

Ok i dont know for FACT that this girl is for real.

BUT would it be selfish of me to just cut him off NOW ,he aint back yet ,as far as i know.

But would it be healthy for me too take what this random girl says as fact without hearing what he has to say.

 

Just disapear?? and not give him any kind of chance to explain..

Damn he might not even want to anyway!

 

Is that a bad idea or will it hurt me even more in the long run?

[annie24]

I think you should just disappear. This guy sounds like a bunch of drama. If he comes back with a good explanation, I would still be incredibly skeptical.

 

Trust me. There are thousands of men in your area that you can date, that don't have all this baggage attached to them.

 

good luck

[justmoi]

Ok heres the update to whats been happenin..

 

Hes back, i waited 4 him to get intouch..i was prepared though incase he didnt as hes always been quite cowardly.

He got intouch, spoke quietly, asked if i was ok..

I said so u know, he says yeh, im sorry..i said look u just have to tell me one thing...'is it true' he confirmed it all for me...everthing she said was true.

 

My whole world fell apart there i cried ,i didnt wanna do the whys but i just did.

He listerned, never gave excuses or blamed me..he just didnt know why.

 

His name isnt even what ive always known it to be either...for 5 years!

It tears me apart. i let him knew exactly how i felt.

He always told me..oh i cant do relationships etc career etc..yet he was having one yet still holding me,having sex with me being initimate talkin bout a future..there it is right there TALKIN..lol shoulda walked then i had oppertunities to..but then i always new wat it would take for me to walk...and it was to know from him that there was someone else (other then his babymum).

He obviously wouldnt say why im not relationship material,im not sure why not...i was loyal, supportive,loved him..damn i even'trusted' him but it meant nothing...not even an ounce....

 

I said if ur in a realtionship WORK AT IT LOVE THE GIRL why put me through this after every time i made it safe 4 u to tell me about anyone..u didnt...he kept sayin 'oh i didnt wanna lose u i didnt wanna lose u'....

 

He ad t go nd ased me to call him back to talk somemore..i said whats the point ,im gone i have to try piece things back together now and let u go for ever...he begged me to ring him back...

I didnt.

He then rang me from a witheld num...i answered (didnt know it was him) he knew from my voice i was done..spoke again although i had nothing to say..i think he was trying to alieviate(sp) his guilt what u think?

 

He asked me to call back..i didnt...i was done.

 

Its weird..coz i feel a reilief i prayed to od last night and thanked him/her for bringing this to me aking me to this point.

I wont say its easy and i know i got along way to go i guess right now im a little numb..i know it will get worse before it gets better

Im not even angry at him...why not?

Im angry at myself really right now.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts..it would be nice to hear something supportive right now???

[justmoi]

K well i guess nobody really has anythin to say.

 

Thankyou anyway

[annie24]

gosh - this is really hard. when all you know has been suddenly changed. I don't know what to tell you. I can't imagine what I would do if I found out everything about my partner was a lie.

 

on the plus side, you don't have children with him. Cut him out of your life completely, and just focus on yourself. I am glad you finally found out the truth.

 

(((HUGS)))

[justmoi]

Its very difficult coz im just left feeling like i was never good enough when i gave so much of myself.

I find it hard opening up but i loved this person so much i did..only to be now left feeling this way.

I have learnt alot though and this site is REALLY keeping me srtong and feeling positive.

 

Annie you were right about the kind of 'man' he is...

How could a human being be so cruel?

Hes probably gonna be a successful music artist and one of my worries is that its all gonna get thrown in my face.

 

Thankyou so much for responding it means alot

xx

[annie24]

You haven't done anything wrong! Certain people are huge liars and lead double lives. In the future, I bet you will keep your eyes open once some "red flags" start popping up.

 

he is a jerk. even if he becomes a billionaire, he is still a jerk.

[justmoi]

I think im going to have to start i.d'ing them so that i know their real names!

 

I will definitely take alot from this experience.

Quite angry at myself though.

 

I pray he will stay away from me now.

I know everyone deserves to be happy, does he? i guess he does.

 

But i do hope karma comes back around on him

[annie24]

oh, i'm sure karma will get back to him. he sounds like a jerk. I don't think he deserves to be happy. oh, i'm sure all his lies will catch up with him one day.

 

if you know he has cheated on his taxes, you can inform the IRS!

[Hunny1607307342]

I'm so sorry you have to hear this but he's just fake. He just one of those who don't mean what they say... Another reason why you should leave apart from the obvious he's a plank, is that you'll deal with it better knowing you left rather than him break up with you. Because I was with a commitophobe and I was CONVINCED he'd make us official eventually: I didn't doubt it because of what things he told me. BUT when he broke up I felt so naive. Don't let that happen to you. XXX

[minnie]

Hey, i am glad that he told you the truth. now you can move on right??

 

I know its never that easy but try, you have to leave him behind, because you didn't deserve this.

 

Im am going through sum things right and i feel, stupid, naive evrything under the book, all because of lies and because everything ive ever known has ended. just like that

You cant think about how mad you are at yourself and why, you just have to keep putting my foot infront of the other. I think somewhere down the line you will get angry at him. But when those feelings come - try to put them to the back of your mind and focus on what you are doing at that time.

 

try to keep smiling x x

[justmoi]

Wow thank all of you so much!

It helps so much it really does.

Please keep calling him names coz they put a smile on my face..lol.

 

I know from now on ill put ME first, i tried my best ..gave too much and looking back i never received anything at all..except closeness /cuddles 'talk' but then it was all fake...right from the get go.

 

I know now 4 next time.

I managed to hold it together yesterday but when i got home it hit me like a truck and i sobbed my heart out...

My children are with their dad at the moment for the w/e so didnt get no cuddles from them..not that i want them to see me like that.

 

Today i feel so good though, my friend called me and we had such a laugh laughing really makes me feel good!

I know not to expect to stay on this high i know the sadness will hit me again..

 

Havent heard nothing from him since...

I know thats a good thing, but in a way id like to see him attempt to get intouch only 4 me too NOT pick up the phone..u know what i mean?

Am i wrong to feel that way?

 

Hurts i guess to know i never meant anything even as a friend..

 

In a way it wasnt nice for me to find out the way i did, maybe i should be thankfull to his girlfriend who told me what she did..if she didnt this could of gone on for many more years...

 

Thankyou guys!

Things can only get better huh.