luvagain Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I went to the beach today to collect soil samples for a school project. I was overwhelmed by the the beautiful scenery that my ex came mind. We used to go watch the sunset and take walks along the beach. I made my way down the cliff and started taking pictures of the formations and collecting samples. After I was done I went to where the waves were craching and looked out to sea. I couldn't help myself so I started to cry because I miss what we had. I sat down with my head down and let it all out. People were walking past me but I don't know if they noticed, I didn't care. I sat there for half an hour thinking and crying , the waves still crashing before me. I felt alone and empty because she wasn't there to share it with me. As I sat there "with or without you" by U2 began to play in my head. I listened to Jashua Tree last night. I can't live with her because she betrayed me but I can't live without her becuase i still care and love her even if it's just little bit less than before. So I cried and I asked myself why this has happened to me? Why now? Why in this manner? We haven't contacted eachother in 3 months, I'm stiking to NC very strongly. However, I can't help but think that I may end up like some of the members who after years of trying let go they are still holding on. I just care/love, whatever, her so damn much. I refuse to let her know how I feel. I would rather love her in secret than have her know that I still care when she has stopped caring for me. The dreams about her are fading away. The urges to call her are diminishing and my current state is anger. Angry for the way she played me, for the way she lead me to believe everything was fine. For not looking me in the eye and telling me that she was thinking and seeing someone else while I was far away. For not looking at me straight in the eyes and telling me it was she wanted out. For giving up so easily on us. Alright, that's enough. Sorry fo rall this I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 You're not alone. It takes a strong person to get as far as you have. Everyone needs to release their emotions every once in awhile and I'm glad you found a healthy way to do so. I'm sorry that memories of a past love were triggered. Atleast now you know that love is something that's worth feeling (some people don't know that sadly). I hope tomorrow brings you happiness and something amazing! Link to comment
NR498E Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Thats ok dude.I know exactly what you are feeling. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you still care.Your doing very well.Someday you will find somebody else you can share those speacial moments with that will truly appreciate it. It's sounds to me like you deserve better. By the way 3 months after my break up.I had to drop all my stuff in the grocery store and split for my car because I was staring to cry.What set me off?Strawberries.Things like that that you enjoyed toghether can set off some wild emotions. The site off strawberries today still makes me upset. Link to comment
gradle Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 wow, luv, you're like my hero...look at how quickly you managed to pick up NC and stick to it! it takes a looonng time to truly be able to move on...one day you'll meet someone else (we both will) and you'll realize how much you are slowly sharing with them...and soon those memories will outweight the ones you had with your ex.... trust me, i know what you're going through... it's been 8 months for me and i still have breakdowns... it happens...it's part of moving forward... Link to comment
brando Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 luvagain, Its alright you broke down, perhaps you were holding things back for three months and it needed to come out. I wish i had something to say to ease the heartache, the only way past it is to go through it unfortunately. I can identify with how you are feeling. Don't be too concerned about holding on, you will let go when you are fully ready to. What is important is to take care of you, eat well, sleep reguarly, exercise if you can, go out with friends, and try your best to have fun. be well brando Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 All of your feelings are very normal and this anger phase might last for a while longer. Only one way to circumvent it, and that's putting all your energy into finding someone else. If you talk to enough girls, you are bound to find at least a few who will give you what you're looking for. It's hard, but force yourself if you have to. It's the next step for you. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Hey Friend, Sorry that you were feeling sad. In spite of that, you sound very strong and as though you are going through the stages in healing in a healthy way... it just takes time. As much time as you need it to. We're here if you need us. Link to comment
Blue In Texas Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Man, don't beat yourself up for crying. And you are right, who cares if anyone noticed? You are absolutely not going to be one of those folks who can't let go. Three months NC is impressive, but in terms of emotions, three months is not very long. Your own post shows that you are letting go. Bad days are going to come. And if you want to talk about strange things that can make you cry, you had waves, Andy had strawberries, it happened to me when someone sneezed! Link to comment
luvagain Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 I want to thank you all for your support. I feeel confortable sharing my situation with you guys. I will take everyone's advise and keep trucking. I know I'll have days like yesterday but I don't want to anticipate those days. I'm taking it one day at a time but even then the days are very long and they seem as though they are never going to end. Maybe it's because I'm swamped with school work and going through this ordeal is not helping. Thank you all Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Dude.... you are not alone.. you are commeded for getting this far.... its been 4 weeks for me.....I cried the other day.... I was downloading some songs and I play Lionel Ritchie "still" Lady, morning's just a moment away And I'm without you once again You laughed at me You said you never needed me I wonder if you need me now So many dreams that flew away So many words we didn't say Two people lost in a storm Where did we go? Where'd we go? We lost what we both had found You know we let each other down But then most of all I do love you Still! maaaaaan it couldnt hold it back..... i cried like a spanked toddler... but you know what it felt ok.. it felt natural.. it hurt man.... i miss her but kinnda hate her and love her all in the same thought..... You are part of the human race who has had the privilege to love deeply and unfortunatley lost.... me too bro.... hang tuff Link to comment
possibiliti Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Hello Luv, I am caught by a sad wave tonight. I missed what we had, felt empty, angry about his giving up... I sat down, cried and remembered your post. So I came here to read it again. Thank you for the post. It was sad but beautiful, and I just want to say I feel all the same right now. It makes me feel less alone, less insane. How have you been doing? Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Hi possibiliti, I'm so sorry you're feeling sad today, have you been out and seen friends? I know exactly how you feel, so am sending you a big hug.... Pikey Link to comment
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