Out of sight, out of mind?

[musicchicus]

Ok, here's my latest question...

 

After reading lots of posts and books and such about how to handle the recent breakup of my relationship...I'm trying my best to "give him space". I'm trying to let him come to the conclusion that I can and have gone on with my life and that perhaps he misses me.

 

BUT, my ex is a pro at "out of sight, out of mind". I have seen him do this to others.

 

So, if I am avoiding him and giving him space and all that...how do I make sure not to fall "out of mind"?

 

I don't want to call or visit or anything. Again, the only way he will miss me is to...well, miss me!

 

But how do I make sure he's till thinking about me?

 

Help?

[musicchicus]

Well, obviously, but thats not the point.

 

I am continuing to live my life as before we broke up (and it is a very full and exciting life), but I am not ready or interested in moving on from him or the relationship.

 

So, while I am busy living the rest of my life and giving him space, how do I ensure that he doesn't forget that I am here and that I care about him...without making my presense seen?

[DealingWithIt]

I say give him all the space he wants and NEVER to contact him even if you really really want to. It may be weeks to a few months and if he gives you a call...and thats how you will know if he did miss you or not.

 

Give it try and see

 

Good luck

[crookster_man]

I understand that you wish you ex to miss you because you still miss him. Unfortunately the grieving process is a very personal one. Often one party is still grieving about the broken relationship long after the other is. This is life. It may seem unfair that you still have feelings while your EX "appears" to be moving on, but that is life.

 

Now I say "Appears" because chances are he hasn't forgotten about you. If you both had strong feelings for you it takes some time to get over a relationship. He is doing the right thing but cutting ties, this is the best way to heal and move on. Don't worry about feeling the way you do. It's natural.

 

Next time you feel like giving him a call, why don't you go for a run or do an activity that you like? Good luck and don't sweat the small stuff.

[mk]

I think give space only work on male, however, if you give space and never contact a female, they think that we don't care about them anymore and it could be over.

 

What do you think?

 

 

I say give him all the space he wants and NEVER to contact him even if you really really want to. It may be weeks to a few months and if he gives you a call...and thats how you will know if he did miss you or not.

 

Give it try and see

 

Good luck

[musicchicus]

AGREED!

 

I broke off a 5 year engagement a little over a year ago and he just let it go. He never called and say, how are ya? Whats up? He never really did anything.

 

While I know that he loved me and wanted the relationship to continue, and that the reason he didn't call was around confidence issues...I was left feeling like he didn't care. I felt he didn't even try...

 

Of course, today I'm thankful that I got away so easily. But then, I felt hurt.

 

Funny, huh?

[reborn]

This is a hard one. Sort of like a catch 22. I am in the same situation. I am dying to say "hi" I am alive" . I don´t want him to forget me. I feel like I am loosing something if i remain inactive, yet I feel like I push him away if I persue.

Sometimes I even convince my self that he is away from me because he actually really cares, and that is when the urge comes in stronger. But you know what? I don´t call. I control myself. I stay out of his life. My life is not even full now like you say yours is. In fact I made an inventory today and I realize I spend over 6 hours a day either checking this forum out or chatting with my buddies about the breakup and my ex in general and getting over him, and why he doesn´t call, and if he ever cared, etc. BUT I DON¨T CALL, because somehow I know it is the better, wiser thing to do. Because I realize that as much as I want I cannot control another human being´s heart. Because I read what people say in this forum, and though it may be hard to do, I know it is best right now. Because as he needs space so do I to get better and get my self healed and in harmony. And believe me, this is not easy for me. Even if I write this to you I have a big doudbt in my mind and fear more than doubt that if i don´t call or send a casual email he will forget. But I won´t send it. so you can too because I am not the most disciplined person, in fact I am not. I am not the proudest either. I just think I want to be in a position of strenght, internal strength before contacting this guy. I am not putting out the chance of contacting him. But I know that what I want now he is not willing to give me. I know that if he was to be cold, or rude or distant or polite or even friendly but nothing more it would sort of disappoint me deep down, so I would wait until I am stronger, and thinking in different terms.

He is there. He is not dead. Phones, internet, you have a whole web of top end communication at your disposition. So you will have the option sometime down the line. But give your self the time too, because when they reject you, you are at the weak end.

 

The other reason I control my self is because I do know is the wisest to let someone free, and give them space. If my ex ever came back I would want it to be because he truly wanted to. i wont´make him remember me by calling him. Not the way I want to. remember we cannot control somebody elses feelings . Something you may find as helpful as I did is from the I Ching,the book of changes hexagram 38

- to deal with opposition one 'reflects' others and so they see you as if themselves.

 

 

If you lose your horse, do not run after it;

It will come back of its own accord.

 

the horse could signify strength, love, etc. they say if you run after a horse he will run farther away from you but if you don´t it will return on its own so....

[musicchicus]

This was actually very helpful. Thank you

[basschic23]

just let him have some space..don't call him or anything. don't worry about it just wait good luck

[mk]

Not even an email updating and keep the conversation going? It is hard in my case because I do see her at least once a week of a gathering of group. So, it is just too hard not to keep in touch with her or just see her.

 

I do think give her space and not contact the person, only works on boys. However, I think we do need to contact a female if she reply you back afterward and keep the conversation going. Since you never know, if she need a support and express her emotional feeling, she might call you back.

 

Any comments?

 

just let him have some space..don't call him or anything. don't worry about it just wait good luck

[4EverNight]

Out of sight out of mind? I don't think so. I'm in a similar situation as you are. I've begun to let go of the person I love as difficult as it is but I know in the long run I will be better for it. The only problem with this is especially in my case is that we work in the same place. It is difficult to try and avoid but you just have to remain casual about everything. I go out of my way not to see her at work, I don't call or e-mail her to see how she is doing and unfortunately she is now contacting me to see how I am doing. You have to be strong, don't go asking her about how she feels about you and don't tell her either, this will just let her know that she still has you wrapped around her finger. Be casual about everything as if nothing is bothering you, this will make her think and will probably bug her. Maybe not, but this will be a clear signal to her that you are strong enough to let her go. If and when she does make contact with you, either ignore her or reply but you need to make sure you don't fall into the trap of feeling those emotions that can lead you to want to get together with her again. Just a thought I wanted to pass on since this is something I'm dealing with now. You never know, she might end up wondering why you have gotten over her easier than she has with you. Hope things turn out for the better.