Just met this girl

[Lansing]

I agree with Mystik. The ball is in her court. Let her contact you. Don't call her again.

[becallamjr]

I say go for it man. I got my answer last night. Though it wasn't the answer I wanted, at least I know. Plus, my monthly commision check came in and that is really taking my mind off the subject right now. I'm gonna go roll around in it now. lol. see you later.

[chaos]

That's just it, she doesn't seem like the kind of girl who would lie or try to mess with my head. But, I've known her for less than two weeks so... I guess that's why I'm so confused. I like her, but I don't know her well enough to trust her. Which sounds kinda bad since you're supposed to go into these things with an open heart/mind.

 

Assuming she does call me, and she's telling the truth, do you think that msg I sent her last night has/will adversely effect things?

 

Thank you all, hearing other's input helps a lot, even if it's not always what I want to hear. I will definitely not attempt any more contact until she calls me.

[ves]

OK, I don't want to be harsh, but you need to back off. Calling back after only two hours? You totally destroyed the "lighthearted" aspect. How do you know she was occupied and didn't get your call yet? Or the battery died on her phone? I've gone to work for 8 hrs and forgotten my cell phone. A guy I liked called me once when I was working out - the voicemail said 2:30 and I didn't get his call until 5. The delay in returning the call wasn't b/c I didn't like him, it was b/c I have a life. Sh!t happens. Get rid of your paranoia and go do something to distract yourself.

 

Definitely wait for her to contact you. Resist the impulse to get a read on the situation ASAP. I know it seems important to know one way or another to find out how she feels, but you're overdoing it. You are on the verge of pestering her. She's still replying to you, which is a good sign. If a guy I don't like repeatedly contacts me and starts bugging me, I shut that down pretty quickly (terse instead of friendly, minimal conversation, etc).

 

Trust me, if she likes you, she will get over herself and call you. You've already initiated enough contact for her to feel you won't reject her if she initiates.

[chaos]

Well, first of all, last night was the first time I've called her since Sunday, and I called Sunday because she asked me to. I called her cell phone and left a message. I didn't hear back, so I called her home number, in case, as you said, her cell had died, or whatever. You really think that would be considered pestering? If so then I'll definitely avoid doing so in the future. The last thing I want to do is pester her, that's why I've let her initiate almost all communication we've had so far.

[becallamjr]

Sounds to me like this girl likes to be chased, guess you'll see in the next few days.

[chaos]

Well... No phone call last night. No emails, no txt messages, nothing. I even noticed her online on Myspace last night so I know she's not dead or in the hospital or something. She even took me out of her Top 8 friends. So, whatever... If she's not interested that's fine. What really pisses me off though is she doesn't even have enough respect for me to tell me, in ANY form, that she's not interested. I'd just really like to know, at this point, the hell the problem is. We had a great date, seemed like there was really a connection, and now...

 

I'm more than a little pissed off at women at the moment. This whole dating "game" is bull * * * *! You women need to figure out just what the * * * * it is you want. I'm an intelligent, good looking, funny, romantic guy and yet all I ever get is blown off (and not in the good way) by women. * * *?!?!?!

[becallamjr]

Welcome to the world of dating. My interest turned into a friends with bennies. So no complaints. All you can do is be yourself, if they cant except that then * * * * em! There are plenty of girls out there, take this date for what it was, you had an interest, you went on a date and it didn't work out. Or quit listening to people on here and do whatever you want, if you want to call her then do it.

[ves]

Well... No phone call last night. No emails, no txt messages, nothing. I even noticed her online on Myspace last night so I know she's not dead or in the hospital or something. She even took me out of her Top 8 friends. So, whatever... If she's not interested that's fine. What really pisses me off though is she doesn't even have enough respect for me to tell me, in ANY form, that she's not interested. I'd just really like to know, at this point, the hell the problem is. We had a great date, seemed like there was really a connection, and now...

 

Well, one day hardly makes her not interested! I went out with a guy I like on a Monday, and didn't have any contact (aside from a text message from him on Tuesday) until Saturday when I finally texted him. Now, this may be a sign that HE doesn't like ME, but that's an entirely different thread. But I certainly like him, and I didn't want to overdo it or seem desperate by calling/texting every single day.

 

If you have had one date, it's a little irrational to expect to hear from her every single day. YOU JUST MET HER! Don't go from 0 to 100, especially after being so badly hurt very recently. What you should've done after taking her out on great date was maybe text or email a few days later - remember something from your date conversation - then a few days after that, call her and ask for another date. Don't leave the ball in her court in regards to formal dates - that's lazy and girls hate it. Girls WANT guys to call them and ask them out to dinner/movies/whatever. If they don't, they will say no or come up with some excuse.

 

And honestly, what girl calls up a guy she had a date with and says "Sorry, but I'm just not that into you"? What GUY does that?! It'd sure make life easier, but it just doesn't happen.

[chaos]

Well, if what you said was what happened, I'd agree with you. But we talked on Sunday about going out Thursday night. I call Wednesday night to see if things were still on. She msg's me saying she'll call me Thursday after work. Which leads me to the post I made an hour ago...

 

So, you tell me ves, what it means when a girl says she'll call, then proceeds to behave in the manner that she has?

[ves]

So, you tell me ves, what it means when a girl says she'll call, then proceeds to behave in the manner that she has?

Well, if she was supposed to call at a specific time and did not, it's probably one of two things:

 

1. She doesn't like you.

 

2. Something big happened.

 

I forget to call my friends. I don't forget to call people I like. Sorry mate.

 

 

[chaos]

So... I'm sure everyone is sick of this thread by now, but there's been an interested update. Guess who emailed me? That's right! It seems she wants to talk and has asked that I call her tonight. She still wants to date me but is afraid of getting hurt.

 

I'm not sure how I feel about all this... I'm happy to hear that she apparently still likes me, which means I didn't do anything to screw it up. On the other hand... well, if you're reading this you've probably read all the above. I certainly don't want to go through that again. I guess there's nothing to do but call her and hear what she has to say.

 

How can I keep from getting my hopes up again? How can I guard my emotions while, at the same time, try to keep an open mind?

[Lansing]

she said in her e-mail " I afraid of getting hurt"?? or , are you assuming that...

 

Try to keep things "casual"... be friendly, but , at this stage, I wouldn't get too "serious" about everything...

[chaos]

Nope, those were her exact words along with "I still want to date you".

 

That's what I was gonna try to do but, at this point, she's gonna need to earn my trust back before I'd consider anything more.

[Lansing]

So, did you talk to her tonight? Keep us updated.. your story is an interesting one. I wish you the best of luck...

[chaos]

Well, I called her, and she actually picked up. Then she said she was at the store and could she call me back. I'm still waiting for the callback... It's been two hours so, I'm not hopeful.

[Lansing]

Hey Chaos,

 

Did she end up calling you back???? IF not, seriously you need to forget about her completely... She is SOOO flakey it is unbelievable!!

 

Out of curiosity, how old is she? I don't know if I missed it in your early posts... Is she your age?

[chaos]

Nope, she never called me back. I broke the "rules" by sending her an email before I went to bed, basically telling her I like her, but if she wants to date me she's gonna have to call me. Maybe she'll call but I'm not holding my breath. I can't say I'm not a little disappointed but this is pretty much the result I expected.

 

I don't know if I mentioned her age, but she's only 21, so her age probably has a lot to do with it.

 

Further updates as they become available

[chaos]

Well, I was right, I hadn't heard the last of her. But, this drama has finally come to a close. She wrote me last night saying I was the sweetest guy she ever met, but we're in different places and she needs to find someone closer to her age. She just wants to be friends... Story of my life!

 

I understand her reasoning and I respect that, but I'm going to be hard pressed to find a girl as good as she was, let alone someone even better. Anyways... I think I'm just gonna stop looking. If love finds me, great, but to continue to seek out the frustration and heartache of dating... It's just not something I can take anymore.

[Pixiemeat]

At least she was honest and didn't string you along. I'm going through the new thing too and stressing about it, it's all about finding something to distract you to get your mind off them!

[mystik]

Anyways... I think I'm just gonna stop looking. If love finds me, great, but to continue to seek out the frustration and heartache of dating... It's just not something I can take anymore.

 

I think that's a good idea. That's where I am right now too, I'm not giving up on the hope that there will be someone else...but, I'm done actively looking. When I make it a "mission" of some sort and keep trying, I only get disappointed. It was only when I was fine with being single, not looking, last year, that 'love' found me. I've lost that love since then...and have been trying to replace it, but I give up, it sucks too much being disappointed. Love will come find me when it's good and ready, so I might as well just enjoy life as it is - you should too Cliché, but it comes when you least expect it.

[chaos]

Pixiemeat: Well, she told me EVENTUALLY... Whether she's being honest or not I still don't know. When I heard from her a week ago she said she still wanted to date me, no it's just friends... At this rate by next week we'll either be lovers or mortal enemies.

 

Mystik: Hey, at least you're only 20... you've still got LOTS of time. If you're still 30 and single, THEN we'll talk. Of course, then I'll be 40 and single so... you still won't be able to talk!

[mystik]

LOL chaos, I KNEW you would use my age against me!! I was just waiting for it...

 

I know though, you're right. I know i'm still young, got plenty of time...that's probably why it's easier for me to just be like "ah, it'll come when it comes" than it is for you...you're ancient haha just kidding!! 30's not THAT old, I mean, it's not like you're 70. Well you have ten more years before you're 40, that's plenty of time for love to find you.

 

Anyhow, my previous comments were meant to just say, I believe it'll come when you're not looking. You're right, we are in the same place, but yet we are not.

 

P/S that 21 year old this thread was originally about - she seems pretty immature, or at least confused. Be glad you didn't waste TOO much time on her!

[chaos]

30 IS ancient! I'm practically dead already! Seriously though, I know it's not that old, especially since our generation is expected to live 100+ years, but it still feels old. Not to mention, I'm almost 31 so, I've only got 9 years before I'm 40!

 

She actually seemed very mature until all this crap started but I think she's definitely confused. Which is exactly what I was worried about in the first place. No offense to you Mystik, but girls that age don't know what the hell they want! But, like you said, better I learned that sooner rather than later. Things would be a lot worse if I'd had time to really fall for her before she figured it out.

 

My only regret is that I was hoping I'd have a girlfriend before my birthday... Now it looks like I'll be spending #31 alone. Maybe I'll by myself a cake and cry the candles out.

[mystik]

Well I am actually almost 21, so I've only got 9 years before I'm 30! (Checked your birthday, I turn 21 before you turn 31 lol).

 

No offense taken, I think it's true for many people my age. These are the years where we are supposed to be figuring it out. College years, college experiences, dating, blah blah blah, learning what we want in life, what we want from others. Your early 20's are the times to do it aren't they? That's why I don't think age gap relationships always work out. I mean, I believe they can, but sometimes the gap puts people at such different stages of their lives, that they usually don't. The difference between 30 and 40, is not as big as 20 and 30 is what I think. By your late 20's onwards, you've basically*usually figured out exactly what you want and don't want.

 

Aw you don't have to have a girlfriend on your birthday to have a good time! Must you be alone? Go out with your friends..family? That's what I'm doing. I met my ex a week before my birthday last year... I doubt I will be as lucky this year, so I won't have a significant other either. No crying allowed on your birthday!!