Do You Need TO Deffinately Know From Them There not coming back

[lewisbn11]

i feel ive moved nowhere in 2months without her and starting to think its because of the way it ended. "ill find you if im still thinking about u", "this could be the worst decision of my life" etc these are things i still think of she said to me and i suppose ive tried to get on with my life but just held on for her to come back. Would seeing her to just have her tell me look im over this there is no chance be such a bad idea? it can't get any lower then it is now.

[BellaDonna]

I know you have been going through a really hard time after your breakup. I have read some of your other posts and I think you need ot really remember what else she said, and did, aside from her comment about:

 

ill find you if im still thinking about u

 

She also told you:

 

 

she had to be on her own she was 20 too young

 

and she has not contacted you

 

ive heard nothing from this girl that i love so much still.

 

I know this is not what you want to hear- but to me, her other actions and words pretty much already says that she's not coming back. I don't think you should see her and have her tell you this again- it will only hurt you worse.

 

You have to try to muster up the courage to accept that the the relationship is over. You should try to let go of the prospect of getting back together and focus on healing instead. I think, if she had second thoughts about her decision to leave, she probably would have returned by now. You should not use NC with the hopes of winning her back- you should use it to work on yourself and to realize that life does go on without her.

 

There's really nothing that will cure a broken heart overnight. The most you can do is try to distract yourself and stay busy- surrounding yourself with friends, family, and positive influences whenever possible. Tell yourself in your mind that she's not coming back- because if you hold on to even a scrap of hope- it will drive you crazy. In order to heal, you have to finalize this whole thing in your mind- telling yourself it's completely over- otherwise you'll never find peace.

 

I do not suggest that you contact her to have her tell you it's over. She in essense, already said that by breaking up with you. I think you'll only get hurt more. You don't need that.

 

 

I hope things get better for you ,

 

 

Belladonna

[NJRon]

You don't need to be told it's over by anyone except yourself. Until YOU tell yourself it's over, it won't be over.

 

Instead of waiting to be told they aren't coming back, it may be time to tell yourself that YOU aren't going back.

[MeHim]

Tell yourself it's over, once you believe it.. It becomes reality!

[lewisbn11]

thanks for ur comments

[Hunny1607307342]

It's sad but its over the moment she decides to break it off. And if she broke it, she isn't likely to fix it. There's no point trying to pick up the pieces and put things back together again yourself, the damage has been done. When something breaks you go and buy a new one. You still have so much going for you! Be excited about what's yet to come XXX

[ut_longhorn]

words mean nothing in the realm of breakups. dumpers say things to lessen the blow of the breakup causing confusion on the part of the dumpee. don't even concentrate on one sentence said during the break up talk. the only thing you should be looking at is her ACTIONS. they say everything you need to know.

[blender]

ut longhorn, Man, you hit the nail on the head, "actions speak louder than words", that is what I had to keep remembering after my ex dumped me, I kept letting my heart and mind go to, but "what if' we just got together and talked, or if I could just see him and we could discuss what we need to fix. And yes I would think and reflect on any "words he said while dumping me that might give me some hope".. you are so right Longhorn, the words a dumper uses when breaking up are just that "words"... respond only to thier actions before making any decisions or letting your heart hope... thier words are meaningless..

 

The fact is if they don't make the move and I mean a definite, clear, and speak thier intentions about "trying again" then do NOT answer any emails or calls, or make any attempt to contact them, it's so much more powerful, for your own SELF to do No Contact.

 

I'm eight months into no contact and have received a birthday card and two emails over these last eight months, and sure my first reaction was, my heart jumping for joy "is this a sign he wants me back?" and then I'd take a minute and remember his ACTIONS, he dumped me, he's never called, he made a decision to leave me, and if he wants to "try again" he has to say those exact words, no vague emails or birthday card will get me to risk my own heart and self again... his ACTIONS speak louder than any words... his emails are only his way of "feeling better" about himself, like "I tried to be nice and contact her" etc... not enough for me, I'm not in the business of making him feel good about himself anymore... I lost too much of "me" during this...

 

so DON'T CALL HER, let go just one day at a time, just for today, say to yourself, I will not be contacting her, do it one day at a time and I promise you will start to heal... she knows how to get a hold of you if she ever decides she's made a mistake... let her go for now, it's best for YOU.

 

You deserve someone who will STAY and work things out, you are worthy of a loving, kind, thoughtful, mature person that wants to be with you throught thick and thin... no others need apply... This is your decision from now on, to respect YOURSELF..then and only then can you enter into a respectful long term relationship...

[Diggitydave]

The action of them ending it with you should be enough. Most of us hang on to threads of hope (a text that says "hey whats up"). Look back 3 years from now and smack yourself for thinking a text message met a rekindling of a relationship. (i did it ). Sometimes when i'm at work these days I have to just say it's over like 30 times to keep myself from the what if's.

 

Man I loved this girl......

[blender]

Diggitydave, Hang in there, and know that the fact you can love and hurt this deeply is just a sign that a wonderful love lies ahead (maybe even your ex), just keep working on you... I hear ya about the "hope" from a few silly emails etc... but you are "growing" into an even better more mature version of you and my god, some great girl is going to pretty lucky to love you... You're doing so great, keep up the no contact and remember your ex will never ever meet a guy like you.... she will at some point glance back and think... "he really loved me"... and perhaps she will even come back, but for now it's all about YOU... keep on keeping on and make yourself the best you ever...

[gratefulpain]

Dont call her... I tried that once... I said to her "I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you're done" I told her that I deserved a face to face aknowledgment" dumb... move for me..... she never really gave me one... in fact I think she said "I gotta go, I have another call" and bascially hung up on me in mid sentence".....that was my sign... it hurt like hell...

 

I seen her a year later downtown... I was looking good dressed nice with my briefcase....

 

she was with a gf and said hello Mr.... I gave her the obligatory head nod and kept steppin... It was awesome!!!! she thought I was going to stop and small talk... whatever...

 

 

What has helped me.. pretty hardcore though... I wrote a 3 page document of how we first met... every signifigant thing we did.... every signifigant happening..how I felt about her.... blabla... then I went alone to the lake by my house read it looked at pictures cried like an infant.. then burned it and watched it burn... since then I never looked back....hardcore but it gave me closure..

 

Your gonna be alright my friend... we all have been there... it hurts I know... it supposed to hurt......