Can't stop feeling bad about my past behavior!!!

[stuckinthebluess]

To start off, I was raise without a mother, she had left my father before I even turn 1 (I'm 23 now), so till this day I dunno who she was, only saw one picture of her. Wut I still really feel bad is all those moments I was mean to my father, starting when I turn 13, I start rebelling and talking back to him, cursing him, talking indiferrently. Now, I understand most fathers wouldn't tolerant that type of behavior, but him, he was a man of few words, and harld ever seem to run out of temper, never lay a hand on me. Then somewhere when I turn 15, I started to have more battles with him, and two months before I was ready to turn 18, I just ran away from home and stole about $200 from him, also use one of his credit card. I must have confuse unexpressive for unloving, true he didn't say much. One time, think I was about 15 or 16, he tried a convo. with me, I just turn away, again cursing. Well to make it short, he has no grudes towards me and after all the horrible things and hard time I put him through. And yes, now I'm getting along with dad better, maybe it was a mother figure I was missing, it's not same living with two parents v.s with just one. Now, I'm engage to be married in june. Coming to realize, it's hard being a parent, wut about when I get pregnant and become a mother, I'll will one day. And I dunno, wut I'll do, if I get a child talking back to me, or putting me to hard times like I did to my father. So any suggestion on this how, I still feel bad, and keep going back in time, only I didn't realize back then.

[blender]

Hey,

 

it's okay that you acted this way, you were simply growing up and it's a good past to have, and now you have the "GIFT" of perspective. It is so wonderful that you can say and feel this regret, that is a sign of real maturity...

 

I admire you, so please take the time to pat yourself on the back for you own courage to discover these feelings. You're going to be a wonderful mother... and the beauty is your Dad is still alive and you can let him know you're sorry for those tough times, that as you get older, you look back and wish you were a bit more tolerable...but really you were just being a bratty kid, that's all...

 

god we all put our parents through so much..and my Dad died when I was 20, and I never got to realize or say I was sorry for all the times I was a nightmare.. but I know now that wherever he is, heaven, a better place, etc, he would simply want me to "learn" from this and move on... No regret, just "live and learn" that is your gift back to your father.. And you will be one fantastic Mom as you continue to reflect back and grow from what you have learned about yourself.

 

You're great for even having posted these feelings, that is such a sign of the wonderful person you are becoming.... just in time for marriage.